dulciloquy

[sweetdulciloquy]

Sorry I wanted to really do the challenge, but it’s getting complicated. So I’m just going to post whenever I want.

Sorry <3

[sweetdulciloquy]

DAY FOUR NOT FINISHED

[sweetdulciloquy]

REVIEW:/Day three: write, edit and share a story

I didn’t thik it would take that turn, but it definitely felt refreshing. It felt like journaling. Like therapy.

xoxo dulciloquy

[sweetdulciloquy]

Day three: write, edit and share a story

Soulmates

I have this bad habit. This habit of believing some of my closest friends are my soulmates. I don't know why, maybe because if I feel like we are meant to be friends they won't give up on me. Won't leave me. Won't stop loving me. Like you did.

Yes, I thought you were one of my soulmates, that it would always be the two of us. It wasn't and that's okay. I think I healed..just recently. Because we saw each other again. All this time I was wondering if I was worthy of love, if you ever felt guilty for what happened.

Now I understand, not everything, but that's okay. I just wanted to forgive you to feel good, I don't want to live with all this bitterness anymore.

Honestly, I wasn't expecting our meeting to be like that, but it felt good. Maybe you were indeed one of my soulmates or maybe not.

And I have to admit it.. I don't really remember how it was like; I don’t remember the subjects we talked about, or how many times we laughed in a day, and I don’t even remember your personality.  I just know I loved you just how I would love a sister.

I'm glad I had you at that time even if I don't remember a lot of it. That's weird.    I hope you are going to be happy until the day you die. However, I don't mind not seeing you by my side for every steps, but I sure won't forget you.

I didn't know what or who to write about, but it feels good writing about you. A lot of pain I’ve felt was because I have been bitter. So thank you. Thank you for being my friend at this period of my life. Thank you for showing me that forgiveness feels really good.                                                                                 I used to ask for it way too often, I'm sure you remember. I used to say "I'm sorry" way too often without really understanding what is was. Maybe I still do ask way too often for it when I didn't do anything wrong but I changed. I am sure about it.

Soulmates

I never wrote about you. And I sure know you weren't my soulmate, and I wasn't yours. But hell it did hurt. People used to think I was in love with you, and I denied it. I still don't know what being in love is, so maybe I was. In fact- I don't care.

I should have forget about you a loooong time ago. I know it. I feel like the one who truely got hurt was my ego. That's it.                                                             Is it your fault that I don't trust boys much? That  I don't trust them at all.

I want to bury the thoughts of you. So FUCK YOU. Yes I was talking about forgiveness just a minute ago; but FUCK YOU.

 I hate the fact that you told me I was your bestfriend.

I hate the fact that that day you looked at me like you wanted me to notice you.

I hate the fact that that day you pretended you didn’t saw me. 

I hate the fact that you made me cry in front of an entire class.

I hate the fact you were too sexual about things in front of me.

I hate the fact you showed me how gross I was..or that you thought I was.

I hate the fact you were friends with them.

I hate the fact I wanted to send you a letter when you were already giving up on me.

I hate the fact I still think about you.

I want to forgive myself for the time I am taking to forget. I won't forgive you for most things, especially for not saying goodbye, and other stuff…

Well, goodbye I guess.

 Soulmates

 For sure you left without any goodbye. Well it's not that surprising. I was expecting it. You were special. People called you weird. Well fuck them all.

Yes, I won't deny it, you definitely weren't like everybody else and sometimes you could scare me a bit.

But I also know that if I had to name a person I hurt on this earth it would be you. I haven't been the best friend I could have been to you. That is maybe why I feel like I have a dark shadow in me. Sometimes I let the worst in me get at you. And I'm sorry about it. I really am.

I hope that you are living the best life possible. I guess I will never know. Like I don't know about those things. Everybody knows you are full of secrets. You are quite a secret yourself. Maybe that's why sometimes I was so mean you, because how could I fix someone I can't read. That also is maybe my problem, I want to fix too much, shape people like I want.

It killed me not knowing what happened to you. Nobody knew and nobody ever will. I get so scared for you when I think about it. It triggers me. Maybe nothing happened, but I felt it. I always felt it..the weirdness wasn't you..it was the aura around you..around them. What did they do to you?

Soulmates

A lot of people were in my life and mattered a lot, then left. If I wrote about each of them I would need to find a title for the book.

It's weird that for some of them I cried a lot, and now I just feel nostalgie or I don't know when I think about them.. but surely not hate. I just want to stop waisting time. I'm done with miss/mister overthinking.

[sweetdulciloquy]

REVIEW:/Day two: fill a page

Okay..maybe I didn’t write 1000 words, but I wanted to post something anyway. It feels good to write but I don’t want to see it as a burden. A corvée. Read it and see the words as you wish. I was’nt trying to make a point here. Or maybe I did.

xoxo dulciloquy

[sweetdulciloquy]

Day two: fill a page

As her friend was brushing her hair, she felt her eyes struggling to stay open, the tiggling sensation in the back of her neck forcing them to close. These moments were maybe the only ones when the world shot down; all the bad thoughts fading away.

The little girls used to take every object they found around this tiny bedroom in order to create their little spa session. Nobody knew about it. It wasn't a secret though, simply something belonging to them.

Sometimes it was make up, the other day it could be brushes or even toys. It was their safe moment. No drama. No fights. No jealousy.

Do moments like these still exist? Or it is part of things that disappear when you grow up?

Now people call this sensation A.S.M.R. It's funny how everything can get addictive, whether being considered dangerous or not. It feels good so why not doing it as much as we want to? But the more you get used to this sensation, the more you are going to ask and ask for it..until it does'nt do much.

That's when things get messy.

So..what happened to the two little girls? You already thought about an end of this story, what does it say about you?

Is there something making you feel like you can't let it go or if that you do you won't feel good anymore? Something filling the void but slowly creating them inside of you? And why did you let it in in your life?

 Loosing track of what you need..really need..

Loosing track of what feels good..or not..

Loosing track of how it was before..

 People often fall in those traps, maybe everybody needs a little distraction from the blur of life. Is it better when this distraction is a person or when it is something else?

Songs about love often feel  like songs about addictions. People do get crazy in love I guess. Is it better when it's passionate? But what is passion?

 "Do me do me like that- feel so good hurt me so good make me wanna be bad".

 Does it ruin it for you knowing what happened next? Well, like every moment of childhood it became a memory. Just a memory. They stopped doing these little spa sessions, but they talk about them a few times now and then, secretly wondering if it could happen again.

There are moments in life we would like to recreate again and again, but it might just destroy the magic in them. Maybe every addiction starts like that.

As her friend was brushing her hair, she felt her eyes struggling to stay open, the tiggling sensation in the back of her neck forcing them to close. These moments were maybe the only ones when the world shot down; all the bad thoughts fading away.

[sweetdulciloquy]

REVIEW/ Day one: Writing a love letter

It might not be the most fluid text to read, buy it felt good. 

Yes, I am going to try giving some kind of reviews after posting for this challenge. 

The funny thing is that no one will write the same thing for the same challenge, and maybe in a few years I will try to do it again and won’t post the same feelings at all.

Anyway, have a great day ! (or night..)

xoxo dulciloquy

[sweetdulciloquy]

Day one: write a love letter

Dear you,

I was going to start this love letter by saying that I am not usually good at love, but its not true. I AM at giving too much to everyone but you. I know it's not fair. I know you deserve better. I know I can love you. I know that YOU deserve love. Life hasn't been fair to you. Sometimes it feels like it is too much to handle. I know it. We all do. People will make you feel like you are a side caracter, except for the fact that you are the main caracter of your life. I know you tend to forget that. You give. You keep giving. And THAT is tiring.

Isn't it funny how I know how to write love letters to everyone else but you. I have been too hard on you, too demanding. But how much do I ask to the others? But you know what they say you accept the love you think you deserve.

Everybody talks about falling in love, like it is the most important form of love out there. Like heartbreaks are not real if they are not about romance. Screw that. You know what heartbreak feels like. I know it. But what I don't know is why you want to be perfect so badly..or maybe you dont want to be perfect, but just enough. Enough for who? Or what? People won't see it anyway. Or is it just you who wants to fill a void.

Yesterday, a friend asked if there was a void inside of you. Haha. Who does'nt feel like something is missing?

However…I know you are going to be okay, because it's you. For real this time. It is going to take a long time. It is going to be hard… BUT worth it. I can give you that.

I'm not saying I'll stop giving others, I am just going to give more to YOU. You deserve it. Let them be their main caracter. You are not their saviors, you don't have to be. Nobody asked you to. It's easier to concentrate onto the others and feel like you matter when you do than focusing on yourself. Are you scared of feeling how much work you would have in order to become the person you want to be?

Feel no fear, you have your whole life to improve yourself. And I am here to help you. Maybe it doesn't feel like a love letter, but this one I know I will never regret writing it. Especially writing it for YOU.

Now.. I am going to say this.. I LOVE YOU.

I know I don't really show it, that's not fair…and I know I don't love you everyday…but I DO. I do love you. I know it doesn't  feel like I do when I put so much pressure onto you. Everything feels like pressure when it comes from me. I know it. I hope one day I'll learn to let go. Well, it feels like I am improving at this. Whatever. I love you even when you make mistakes. I love you even when you cry because you are frustrated. I love you even when you double texts. And I'll for sure love you when they won't.

I am the only one that will be there through every steps of this aventure and that's okay. I know it is something you struggle understanding. Don't be scared to choose yourself, I know you never do. Or that when you do,you feel guilty, worse. But why? People don't feel bad when they choose themself over you. That feels right for them.

Maybe I am being rude, but that is my way of saying: it is time you to let go. For real this time. You are going to be a great person. Maybe not the best. Definitely not the worse. You are going to be YOU. I know how much you want to help people, fill their voids, wash away their fears. But never forget yourself. To help you need to be okay.

I don't know how many times you are going to read this, maybe never. And that's okay. I need to stop pressuring you to be, to do, to feel, to act like I want you to.

I hope this is going to help you to heal. Heal is a word that makes me feel safe. It is time for me to forgive you, and help you. And I don't know what people call love, I guess we all have our definition, our ways to show love, our ways to give love. But this is my love letter for YOU.

I know how you want so badly someone to love you like we see in the movies. Everybody around you is starting to know how it feels like, except you. That’s what you say to yourself. I know it. But I swear one day you will stop praying for love, because I will love you so much that you will feel like your worth it, like you are enough. I know it feels like it is impossible, but look where we are: doing things that we thought we could never do a few years ago. Wow. I am PROUD. I have to admit it.

I know what you are doing…comparing yourself…"I am not improving as much as the others" "or as fast". Who cares? For real who? You? Great, like I'm not putting enough pressure on you…

..Okay, maybe that was a letter for me…I'm kinda ruining the show..but for once I don't care. I never make promises. But. I promise that I will love myself, even when I'll feel like I don't deserve it. For real. It is time. We only live once (or 7..) so why put so much pressure on ourselves for things so not worth the time. It is going to be okay, in some way. Not the fairytale type of way, but some way. I am trying to believe what I am saying.

Whatever, like I say to everyone: hope you are having a great day or evening. Bon courage!

 P.S: I love you

[sweetdulciloquy]

hei...?

Well it’s been a while since the last time I went on tumblr. I used to go just to read fan fictions or repost fun stuff on my main account...BUT. I might finally be active because I want to do a writing challenge. I’m scared that I will fail and not post everyday..but who cares? Nobody is going to be mad (me maybe.) PLUS nobody is going to read this..ever.