Feed Me Some Granola Please

PA of @derpastein.

[unsettlingstories]

Every day on the Food Network

Food Network Voiceover: This burger joint is special.

Viewers: *muffled gasps*

Voiceover: They’re not just putting cheese and ketchup and onions on their burgers…

Viewers: *anticipatory whispers*

Voiceover: …no, they’re doing something extra. Something you’ll NEVER believe.

Viewers: *shifting anxiously in their seats - impatient and flushed*

Voiceover: Because at THIS burger place, ever burger gets topped with…

Viewers: *whimpering*

Voiceover: A FRIED EGG

Viewers: *All simultaneously cum in their pants. Music plays throughout the world. Israel makes peace with Palestine. Cats and dogs start living together. Trump resigns.*

[sweetenedanchovy-blog]

Is it just me, or the TV series of The Mist is somehow connected to IT?

Because both originated from the same universe, known as the “macroverse”, and the new mist itself seems to be ‘alive’ and has the ability to shapeshift its victims’ worst fear like Pennywise.

[cody-jensen]

[sweetenedanchovy-blog]

Forgive me, Pennywise

[unsettlingstories]

Long Fingers

Saturday morning, there were long smudges on the glass of my front door. Three, thick, semi-parallel smudges from what looked like fingers. They trailed from the middle of the door down to its base, then disappeared. If they were from an animal, it wasn’t any animal I knew about. If they were from a person, he was unfathomably deformed.

An hour later, I discovered nine dead deer behind my garage. Their eyes, sexual organs, and teeth were missing. I called animal control and was told there were mutilated animals being reported all over the county. They had no explanation, but I was assured the carcasses would be picked up before the weekend was over.

As I hung up, I heard something in the background on the phone line.

Continue reading.

[stuff-from-web]

[best-of-memes]

[saddest-cat-hours]

[bellygangstaboo]

Reblog if you agree.

[decomprosed]

always

[bruisedlotus]

And always

[unsettlingstories]

Forever.

[gifshows-blog]

1.05 — The Waiting Room. ↳ You can’t save everyone. God knows you tried.

[gifshows-blog]

1.04 — Pequod. ↳ Have you ever experienced nature not having a reason? Mother Earth is never wrong. She knows what she’s doing, and so will we if we observe her.

[gifshows-blog]

1.02 — Withdrawal. ↳ There is no spirit. There’s just nature. There’s here and not here.

[gifshows-blog]

1.01 — Pilot. ↳ There was something in the mist. It’s on its way. We gotta warn people.

[likeafantasy]

1.07 — Over the River and Through the Woods. ↳ Sins are unfortunately a part of being human.

[unsettlingstories]

is there any fanfic about angry birds because the white one who drops the eggs is thicc af omg

[basketof-apples]

Why

[unsettlingstories]

drop that big eggy down my thrussy bb

[banishedquasiroyal-deactivated2]

open rp

[mango-dolphin]

MA’AM I NEED TO REQUEST THAT YOU PUT ON SOME CLOTHES OR I WILL ARREST YOU FOR PUBLIC INDECENCY.

[banishedquasiroyal-deactivated2]

>The egg bird stretches her legs luxuriously, ruffling her tail feathers in the direction of the avian officer. “Oh really?” she squawks, moistening her beak with a dexterous tongue. “Officer, it’s your civic duty to serve the public…and I happen to be ovulating. 🐔🥚😏💋”

[mango-dolphin]

I HAVE A HUSBAND MA’AM? PUT DOWN YOUR TAIL FEATHERS AND DON’T ADD TO YOUR CHARGES MA’AM??

[banishedquasiroyal-deactivated2]

“Officer, that smashing tone egg-cites me. And why can’t we cuckle-doodle-doo your husband? ;)”

[mango-dolphin]

I’M BEING SEXUALLY HARASSED AND I NEED BACKUP—I REPEAT, I NEED BACKUP!!!

[fucktonofanatomyreferencesreborn]

A mouth-watering fuck-ton of hand angle references.

By Shadowcross on DA.

[everythingstarstuff]