cathedral in my city, southern Germany
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@sweetsavia
cathedral in my city, southern Germany
hike in black forest pt. 2 + my gorgeous friend + first tattoos on myself
black forest, southern germany + basement tunnel in rehab
The Jester (1908)
from a video for revcoās ābeers, steers, and queersā by bryan byun
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MARCELO BORDESE
reactivating this account was my gift to myself for my birthday
hike in the black forest
Losing weight but not seeing any progress physically is a whole new level of bullshit.
my motivation as someone with a high sw and cw
~the thing that makes me most motivated is the fact that i am Fat, thatās a fact. itās not just a āoh i look fat todayā i am overweight. i have a belly and my bones donāt show, i can squish my thighs and my face is round.
after losing 15 pounds
iāve gotten complements from my family like āyouāve lost weight i can see it in your faceā āyou look great! i need to do what youāre doing!ā āyour legs look slimmerā
my friend who is very honest about everything (and sometimes is too honest) grabbed around my wrist and he said āyour wrists are so tiny!! youāre so smallā
my collar bones are starting to peak through, i canāt stop feeling them and when i turn you can fully see them
i know this is a small victory but my fingers do not touch now, they donāt look as stubby. my fingers look longer (iāve always wanted my fingers to look long bc i play piano and i want those pianist fingers)
my face just looks?? nicer?? when i walk by mirrors my double chin is so much less visible i feel prettier and it makes me smile
certain outfits look different on me, not baggy yet bc i have a LONG way to go but things just fit better and i donāt feel as repulsive
things that i look forward to
more defined collar bones. the fact that my collar bones will show without any effort is just! so motivating
my feet and hands to look slim and dainty rather than pudgey
for my sweatshirts to get even bigger on me
to be able to wear jeans again instead of leggings all the time, and actually like how i look
thigh highs to fit correctly and not roll down bc theyāre too tight on my thighs
to not be scared during sex/ be able to do more doing sex because my size wonāt limit or control me
to see how my bones look, i have always been on the larger side bc i am 4ā11ā. ive been in a vicious cycle of restricting and binging it all back since i was about 13 because i never had a scale and i would get frustrated after losing weight bc my dsymorphia just,, i never see change. but my scale is forcing me to see the change and iām just so excited to see the bones in my hand without having to flex it
the bone in my wrist will jut out more
h i p b o n e s- i like to push through the fat and sort of feel them bc iāve never seen how they look so when i drop more weight iāll finally be able to feel them and see them!!!!!
thigh gap!! even if itās not large just a little gap will make me so happy and itās slowly starting to happen
because i am so short, once i get to my ugw or even a little before it i will look so little and dainty, my boyfriend already says iām tiny regardless of my weight, so wait until iām even smaller!!
these are just some of the motivations of a bigger girl, i know how hard it is to start at a high weight bc itās so hard to see changes on other people and then look at yourself and see no change at all because it takes us so much more to see results. thatās why iāve given up so many times, the most iāve lost is thirty pounds but i gained it all back bc i didnāt look like a twig at that point but you know what? iāve accepted that itās going to take longer and itās going to be hard and i think that it makes me or anyone going through a similar battle pretty bad ass. we will be skinny, itās all about patience and hard work. be nice to yourself and take things slowly to avoid binges and itās okay if you binge!! if youāre not in recovery please do not beat yourself up or throw all of your progress out the window okay? i know itās frustrating and people make you feel like this is just a diet regardless of the fact that you are starving yourself but your ED is valid and if you feel like no one acknowledges or cares, i do. stay strong and safe and if you want recovery, PLEASE recover. this is more directed for the people who are past the point of recovery. thanks for listening to my little rantings ā¤ļø
after losing 17 pounds
my grandmother said my legs looked thinner and my butt looks better and cuter
this šš½
iām gonna update this post from time to time with the amount of weight iāve lost and how itās affected my life
after losing 21 pounds
-my hands and wrists are so much smaller, i took a body check video and i can touch every finger to my thumb around my wrist except for almost my pinky
-my friends have started calling me pretty a lot more (and it seems genuine this time), my friend even started drawing me out of nowhere today bc he said i looked beautiful, iāve never gotten this much attention from them ever
-my teachers have been treating me better?? i dropped 17 lbs during my school break and i was absent last week for medical stuff and a storm so i lost the remainder between now and then. when i went to school on monday my teachers just seemed nicer? not bc of the medical stuff bc iām out all the time but just treating me better in general and actually including me in conversations and such
-when i went downstairs this morning my grandma told me we needed to buy me new leggings bc they were stretched out from āwhen you were biggerā and then she had me do a twirl and complimented me and said i was doing great
- my lower thigh is way smaller now!! my knees look so small now??
-my collarbones show on their own a lot of the time now, i donāt have to sit a certain way there just there
-my belly is starting to get smaller, i fit into a pleated skirt that didnāt fit when i bought it, itās still a tiny bit snug but i can actually zip it!!
-iām more flexible
-i barely get cravings which is so nice??
-iām cold
after losing 26 pounds
these are some insta comments iāve gotten in the last few days! i donāt know these people irl, both of them have followed me for about a year so! knowing that people see change is!! so nice
after losing 40 pounds
-getting tells from my ig followers commenting on my weight loss
-my friends commenting on how different i look in my face
-my guy friend kept calling me beautiful all night, and giving me a fuck ton of compliments about my body
-he also mentioned how small iāve gotten
-collarbonessss
-my family commenting on my weight loss and congratulating me
-my friends telling me they are proud of me
-only getting diet cokes at dinner if i go out and no one says a word bc my body is changing for the better and they know it, itās not alarming to them until iām tiny
-i can see the bones in my hands clearly
-i can start to feel my ribs and hipbones (still under fat but very much there)
-people wrapping their arms further around me
-my shadow looking small!!!!!!!!!! wtf!!!
guys, i get so frustrated looking at myself but sometimes iāll just stop and see how much things have changed, people treat me better???? i take more pictures of myself???? iām getting smaller and this is real and itās so crazy to think about. but it hurts, in no way is this glamorous. getting looks from waiters, your friends not caring bc youāre not underweight, passing out, feeling weak, being able to sleep all night and all day, itās not a lifestyle to live. i just want to make that clear to anyone who hasnāt fallen down this hell hole. leave. because even the good things that come with this are so bitter sweet, and youāll regret the day you started when youāre crying bc all you want is 100 extra cals but itās too much for you.
this has so many notes bro what
this is amazingš„ŗš
craving something?
craving chocolate? have a cup of hot cocoa (nestle has a 20 calorie fat-free option, swiss miss has a 25 calorie option but it doesnāt taste as good imo)
craving ice cream? make some banana āniceā cream instead. just freeze a banana and put it in the blender for a few minutes. add whatever toppings you like, itās just like real ice cream!
craving candy? try some dried fruit (can be high in calories) or pop a few grapes in the freezer. frozen grapes taste like jelly beans
craving fries? why not try some homemade sweet potato friesā cut a sweet potato into wedges and bake them for 45 mins. full of fiber!
craving something sweet? have some sugar free jello (10 calories per serving) or a sugar free popsicle (15 calories) instead
craving a chocolate bar? I personally love the heavenly crisp bars (110 calories) from skinny cow. they taste just like kit kats, but healthier
craving something salty? try a soft pretzel (160 calories). these are a good source of protein and are perfect for warming up on a cold winter day. I like the ones from hanover
craving a milkshake? have a smoothie made with fresh fruit and light yogurt (150 calories) or simply blend a banana with ice and milk
craving cookies? have some meringues (10-25 calories!)ā I cannot tell you how much I love these things. they taste like vanilla, and you can get them at trader joes
craving starbucks? why not add some flavored creamer to your coffee instead. they come in a variety of delicious flavors that will make you feel like youāre having dessert! my favorites are the girl scout cookie selection of flavors
craving a brownie? fiber one has a fiber-filled brownie (90 calories) that doesnāt taste too bad. you might also try a chocolate biscotti (100 calories) these go great with tea
craving pie? have a homemade berry crisp insteadā microwave some mixed berries until they are warm and gooey. then crush a graham cracker and crumble in on top. add cinnamon and honey if you choose. soooo tasty
Iām 99 pounds again fuckers š
Rb for good luck loosing any regained weight
Just saw this on reddit