Sweet And Savory

A description of my truth from beginning to end. Finally a blog ☺️

[swtcandieg]

He hurt me today. I didn't think it was possible but he did. I don't know maybe I'm being emotional but I just feel like he should be here

[swtcandieg]

[swtcandieg]

CraZy isn't it...How people seek perfection for you. I always thought that if you wanted everyone to be perfect then you'd want army full the same person like owning one million Barbies.

[swtcandieg]

Damn It!

Here we are again. In this old familiar space. leaving nothing to the imagination. Can’t deny that you have been on my mind. I push those thoughts out the door. I don’t want to see them anymore

[swtcandieg]

No such thing

Bill and I where talking the other day "he said there is no such thing as the emotions there are on tv". I said that can't be true cause I've felt those feeling before. I have loved with my entire being so I know what it means to feel this over come emotional awakening of the soul. I just don't feel that way now. I don't think of him and say that's love. I have put him threw a lot but wouldn't it be worse to walk away 30 years from now instead of 30 minutes from now. If I leave now it's better then later. If I leave now at least I get the chance to spare him years of disparity but should I wait till

[swtcandieg]

I’ve lost my (idk) today. Not literally but I lost the guy I thought the world of today. He is like my best friend. My mister know it all. My teddy bear. The guy I love spending time with. The game changer. The guy who has stood by me. I lost him today. I get it. I fucked him over. Most of all I have to do what is right. I just didn’t know how it was gonna work. We worked as friends so differently. It’s different when you are friends. When you friends you don’t have to worry about being so nice. It’s like you can just be funny and cool. But you don’t have to try to. It’s just you. I don’t want to cry. I just can’t keep being this person anymore. I have to build a wall now. And go by and act like I’m okay with just friends for now. I’m cool with that. I’ve looked out for him on everything.

[swtcandieg]

[swtcandieg]

I miss him. It's been about 7 months since the last time I saw him but I miss him. I loved him so much and now I miss him. I hate him but I'm miss him. I just miss being in his arms and the way that it felt and now I'm feeling like old news to the new guy. I tried. I can't just forget about you like this. I can't let it go. I tried. I did but I can't anymore. It's crazy I never had the time to get over you.

[swtcandieg]

[swtcandieg]

This is my today what a difference. Here’s to the girl who was sick in love with someone who didn’t love her back. You deserved it. And guess what even better now. I found someone else who actually loves me 😱. I must say one thing. I was right about the fact that I should have gotten out early on. I feel like love will eventually show it self to me but for now I just want to be happy. I loved him whole heartily but I get it now. I should have listened to myself when my soul told me to leave cause I’d have nothing else to give to the next person. Well it’s not completely true but a lot of the feeling is real. I feel like I would have been better if I had left early on cause I could have avoided the heartbreak.

[swtcandieg]

Nothing at all

I did! At least I think I’ve done it. I finally feel nothing at all for someone who I believed I thought at one point would dread loosing. Now I feel indifferent. It crazy when I see the texts on my phone  I used to be so happy now its kinda of a sad feeling. I feel sad not because of him but because of the thought that I may never love again. I often feel as if that might have been it for me. It’s not that I wouldn’t want to fall again its just that who would I be falling for this time. I don’t want to be with just anyone and I don’t want to settle so I’m just going to take my time and have fun for now I don’t want anything serious or anything that really catches my eye. I’m tired on fixating on one person and having it just go wrong so I’m gonna just have fun, sit back, take it easy and for once in my life not worry about it. I’m only 28 years old I’m in no rush to find the love of my life, or get married and have kids. If i was I would just stay with Billy which I don’t plan on doing either. I plan on being alone. just taking time to myself to think. I tried the look for love thing and now its time to just let love come my way. 

[swtcandieg]

So I choose me..or you

Lol okay this goes out to my dearly beloved friend Tray! 😉☺️😘. Okay so these guys in my life have been driving me madly insane for like years on end and I feel like I don't know which one to choose. Not that I ever really knew. So after a lot of consideration and a lot of conversation. I choose me. I've come to that conclusion because it's just easier. Why go after the guy that gave me heart break or he guy that in my eyes looks good on paper? Why not just choose to just settle in with me and my self on those lonely nights. I don't need either one of them (as much as I want them). I honestly just prefer like taking time to myself(lie). I don't really want to be by myself. I hate being lonely as much as I hate to be by my self but honestly it would end badly if I choose either one so I think it's best to choose no one. I am not baking a pie lol cause I used to be mine. Now I'm just simply saying I am okay with just being me and maybe in the future I will find someone or rediscover a pass love (😉) but for now I just need to be happy. It was so much easier when I was dating, and going out to meet new people with so many different perspectives on life. Okay so now that I've done that and I choose me. How do I tell them to buzz off and back the heck up? Lol I need to get it together because if I have to leave them alone I'm not gonna be able to just say good bye to them.

[astrologyoverload]

Hey, I'm a Taurus (aka best sign eva ✌🏻️) and I was wondering if impulsiveness was a common trait of this sign?

It may be a case for some tauruses. I wouldn’t say impulsiveness is a dominant feature of a Taurus. 

xx

[swtcandieg]

I would say it is

[swtcandieg]

The truth

So get this I finally got the whole truth about the situation out. I heard everything word for word and now that I know I really don’t know how to feel.  Should I be upset (like crying my eyes out), angry (like yelling at everyone), or should I not even care cause I was doing the same thing the whole time. Well the only difference is I am so honest about my shit and yet no one could be honest with me. I guess that makes me the dummy who tells the truth even though i was getting played the whole time. Anyways!!! I found out that not only was there another woman in his life but....she was pregnant....with his baby....and she had an abortion...and then got pregnant...by some other guy...and he was contemplating raising it...all while I was pregnant with his child. This is some Maury shit and I cant even deal with it. I don’t know if I should be upset because I do/did have a boyfriend while all of this was going on so i suppose I shouldn’t care but I do. It like we are perfect for each other because we are both so fucked up. How do you not leave such a fucked up situation? How do you stay in spite of the fact that you know all these things? How much of a hypocrite are you if you leave? I just have so many questions. Well he says he wants to work it out with me but I just don’t know. He used to disappear on me which he hasn't done in a long time. I come over all the time and i spend time with him so I can trust him in a sense now but should I??? I didn’t know about her but she knew about me.  Oh and i saw a picture of the girl and she has nothing and I do mean nothing on me. She doesn't even compare to me. She is so ugly in the face but I hear she has a nice butty. I’m just upset that he never even told me about her. The way I had to find out is fucked up. I loved this man so much I would have given my life for him (which no person alive should do for another unless its a parent and there child) I just wished I would have known maybe I would have made a better decision. Maybe I would have chosen the man who loved me all along. Then I think about everything he put me threw. All the unanswered text messages and calls. All those times he made plans with me but then changed his mind. I now know he was with her. He lied to me so much, and I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if I should stay or should I leave. 

[swtcandieg]

Security vs. Instability

Okay so there a story I want to tell you it involves two guys. One guy is this nice sweet loving guy who finds a girl friend and he is nice to her. He gives her everything she’s ever dreamed of he wants to marry her and give her kids in the future with a nice home and he really cares about her career and everything. He makes sure he has money and he really looks after her. He works at a okay job and makes okay money doesn’t have much to offer a girl but still knows that if he tries he can give the girl everything. Then there is another guy he’s cool. He has also has a job and works really hard and really cares about her but here is the kicker. He doesn’t talk about the future. Maybe its because he thinks there is no future or maybe he thinks there is not future with her which is probably even worse. I don’t know what to say about that but maybe there is a way. That she could possibly get what she wants from both guys. I mean one is sweet but drinks like a fish but the other one is a saint in that sense he doesn't drink or smoke or anything else. Okay so getting back to the topic. Security vs Instability which one would you choose. A guy who would offer you the world or a guy that you saw no future with but you where totes so in love with. Ugh don’t know the answer well neither do I cause if i did you’d have the answer. Life is so complicated. Then I think just find a guy who can give you the best of both worlds. it is that hard to find or is it possible that those types of guys are so like yesterday 

[swtcandieg]

So it's over...

last Monday morning he went threw my phone and he found some messages from my ex and he got pretty upset but that didn’t end us. But then the week went by and it was Thursday and I look threw his phone since I felt disrespected but this is why they say two wrongs don’t make a rite so I went threw his phone and I read the messages. Where he said I begged to get back with him and how he loved this other girl. Well I guess all I can say is good for him and how I pay for his phone bill and just making sound so desperate. I thought he really did like me. I thought he had changed. I’m too scared to confront him about them but I won’t stay around any longer. I won’t. I laid my life on the line for someone who doesn’t even take me seriously. He thinks he’s doing me a huge favor being with me. Like I’m some reject. Oh I love you Tara I’m like wtf! You love that bitch. Ugh! Makes me sick. Makes me really really really sick. Like to my stomach. Like how could you say these things to this girl. Ugh! I did have sec with him after that but it was because the sex is good. I enjoy so I hope that at this exact moment he is having sex with that girl and enjoying her. He told me he luv me well fuck you dude. Fuck you for ever trying to play me out. You think you fucking slick. Like I'm gonna sit around here and take his lies and cheating and say yeah that's okay Jose I love you anyways. Fuck him. I hate him. So much. I hate him! I can't take the fact that he thinks he can just play me nope. You thought wrong I'm not the one!

[swtcandieg]

Sick and tired of work!

I don’t know about you people but I’m tired of working for the public. I hate that I have to deal with people. I’m about two seconds away from just saying aww well I never need a job anyways.