❝ i've been starting to accept that maybe this is all THERE IS and [ DREAMS ] that i've held in my h e a d should be FORGOTTEN just forget that you thought you were bound for g r e a t n e s s rock and roll could be a [ s a v i o u r ] KEEP THAT TO YOURSELF and just fit in don't STAND OUT or they'll destroy you. ❞ ( mobile navigation. ) MAILAN PHAM. sixth year hufflepuff. double agent.
a sad, tired smile takes shape as she hears her brother’s words. he had always carried a certain gentleness and it came afloat when they were together. mailan was more than aware of the warmth that z was capable of projecting, she had been on the receiving end too many times—not that she’d ever mind. she was thankful for how z was, thankful for the way he treated her. the only wish she had was that one day they (the three of them) could be just as honest and warm with each other as they once were in the past. even if his words were tender, mailan was aware of the scolding. yes, i am too soft but i refuse to believe that you are capable of anything other than good—she thought. “let me be.” she whispers, words slurred as she nudges his shoulder with her head. “don’t you know that us hufflepuffs are known for our lasting patience? i’ll wait for when you leave that small window open and crawl through. it’s what you deserve anyway.”
over the years mailan had pushed a couple of z’s buttons, she was sure but the amount of experience never made it hurt less. his reaction drew from her this long and dreaded sense of panic and guilt. “no. no i’m sorry.” her words come out rushed, fear evident. mailan fears hurting him; fears that she would ever make him uncomfortable. her hand reaches for his and she gives it a squeeze. “you don’t have to apologize to me, z–not ever.. you know that.” there was a pause. it was then mailan noticed how her hand was holding onto his. another sense of guilt washes over her and for a second she feels like she can never truly get anything right. it was always easier to do more damage than to fix things. “i’m sorry—” she repeats, taking her hand away from his. “—you never have to tell me anything you don’t want to. you know i’ll always try and understand, that’s what i’m here for..”
mailan knows that his words are meant to ease some of her sadness. that they were meant to be a bright beacon in the midst of the darkness that occupied her being, and yet even when he spoke, she could only think of how she did not deserve it. she did not deserve such kindness. aren’t i a monster? aren’t i just as bad as those who kill? would her lies be equivalent to others poisonous actions? “you say that now.” she mumbles. for a second the light-heartedness of her voice surprises her. being skilled at masking her thoughts was good at times like this. z did not need more to worry about. “i know. i’m the luckiest sister in the entire universe.” her words are genuine, she knows that z cares for her and she did trust him. it was herself who she did not trust, any confrontation over the doubts she held would simply lead to her falling apart.
“hm. i had asked a friend for um.. the draught of peace a while back. it helped but i don’t want to rely on potions to sleep every night, you know? it’s.. kinda scary.” there was a pause, her eyes turned to him. “but maybe i should use some potions, i feel like i’m falling behind on my coursework. i was working on some essays and when i proofread them, i realized i wrote half of an essay for potions and the other half was about a magical creature only found in east asia. and it was all on the same stupid piece of parchment.. so of course i had to rewrite it like a fool.” she rambled, eyes moving from him to the water. “i can work with that. nothing too sweet, maybe i’ll make you something savory instead.. i’ll think of something soon! i don’t know how to get it to you but i’ll think of something.”
there was a reason why many enjoyed cactuses, they carried a PECULIAR beauty. it was similar to roses even with all their thorns—they were bright, stunning among other flowers. the pain one experienced when planting cactuses ( if not with the appropriate gloves ) would be a reminder of how beautiful things still managed to hurt sometimes. mailan thought a lot about that when she was around cassie. even when her friend’s words were harsh, the bit of damage they did ( mailan was always TOO sensitive ) went straight pass her. “maybe that’s exactly what i was going for.” she spoke, smile bright, voice a tad too loud to be in the library. “you looked exhausted, i didn’t want to bother you. i can keep you company if you need to study though.” eyes travel to cassie, they gleam at the sight of her friend—admiration hid in them. “on the bright side, if you are moved to my year, we could graduate together!” the word graduation drew distaste on mailan’s mouth, if they lived long enough for graduation she would have to say goodbye to too many friends. she quickly waved her hands in front of her as if to disregard her own comment.
“i’m joking, it would completely suck if you have to take all your NEWTS again.. i wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.” there was a pause. “what do you need to work on? do you need any help?”
❝ Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,
If you've a ready mind,
Where those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind.❞
i. how did she came to be?
the eleven-year-old girl walks into the great hall. with wide eyes, she tries to take the sight in. she notices the four long tables and tries to seek her brothers out from the crowd but can’t manage to find them. someone behind her pushes her and doesn’t apologize but she barely notices as her eyes are fixed on the ceiling and how infinite it appears to be. mailan wonders if anyone had gotten close to touching it. was it as vast as space? could you get lost in it? what spell was used to create it? could she use such spell in any object? on any wall? questions cloud her mind but they begin to simmer down as her brown eyes notice the headmaster—minerva mcgonagall. all the first-year students try to settle together, shoulders touching. the term personal space is long forgotten as they all wait for their names to be called.
time passes and she watches as people get sorted. five are sorted into hufflepuff, three into gryffindor, four into slytherin, two into ravenclaw. and the girl that was sorted just before mailan’s name was called, was sorted into ravenclaw as well making it three ravenclaws. had her name been bella? she couldn’t recall. mailan stumbles with her robes before getting onto the chair and sitting down. she hears some people laughing around her and while her cheeks heat up with embarrassment she tries to not show it. ( she had told her mother she couldn’t just grow into the robes in a week. ) her eyes look straight ahead at the closed doors that she had walked into a couple of minutes ago as the hat is set on top of her head. for a second she forgets to breathe and it’s then that she hears it, the voice of the hat.
“ ah.. you’ll do well in hufflepuff! ” are the first words she hears and mailan remembers the bright colors hufflepuff represented, something inside her bloomed with joy. “ but.. ” the hat started “ ravenclaw would CHALLENGE you.. with them you could go further, expand your knowledge.. even your own ambitions. ” there was a pause and mailan found herself thinking : where will i do well? “ hm.. the badgers could do you some good yes, but there’s room for that loyalty to spiral. ah, yes. endless possibilities with that one. uh.. with the eagles, you will truly shine. your abilities will grow to make your own peers dim in comparison.. but it isn’t success you want. no.. hm.. a chance to prove yourself? ah.. to create? to question? to understand? you seek answers.. yes. well then.. ”
the word RAVENCLAW rings in her ears and suddenly the entire table is clapping. mailan stumbles as she attempts to get to the table but once she gets there she smiles brightly. next to her sits a girl, she remembers her because she was one of the first one called. mailan makes a note to talk to her afterward, would they be roommates? as more questions pop into her mind, the last names are called. once the feast begins to make conversation with the other first years. part of her longs for the bright yellow colors she could have worn but there is something about what the hat said that made her glad to be with ravenclaw. ( what could have spiraled if she went with the hufflepuff? )
TRAITS SHE EMBODIES: Loyalty, kindness, and patience. Acceptance, creativity, and individuality.
loyalty, kindness, and patience will always be a part of mailan. she stands by those she loves. and her kind, light-hearted nature reigns true to her essence. but being amongst the eagles will allow a certain individuality to shine, a trait she would’ve lacked if she decided to wear yellow. ( in the current verse mailan is more of a collective than a self, too willing to follow into the footsteps of her brothers even to the extent of her beliefs, morals, and judgment being compromised. ) the eagles will push her to be independent in her journey but do not mistake that independence with a withdrawn nature. mailan truly thrives around people but she accomplishes some of her best ( and craziest ) work by herself. her innovative nature would only double in size and her answers to problems ( cue: the riddle in order to reach her common area ) are creative, often answers not many would ever come up with. her creativity would CHALLENGE those around her, and essentially push her to be quite an odd one when compared to others. too imaginative, some may say. her feet are not on the ground, others would whisper as she manages to perfect a potion in a ridiculous and unique fashion.
CHARACTER PARALLELS:
luna lovegood : a recognized wizard naturalist, previously known as an eccentric student who was also sorted into ravenclaw.
LUNA is.. eccentric, bold, unapologetic, intelligent, kind, knowledgable, strong.
mailan resembles luna’s rather odd way of thinking even if the two function differently. while luna had a wide knowledge about creatures and topics that many wizards didn’t take seriously, mailan has a thirst for experimenting with plants. the young witch would face too many detentions for not only sneaking into the greenhouses but conducting rather dangerous experiments with spells that no sixth year should know. and even so, she proudly wears the colors blue and silver. luna’s unapologetic mannerism shines through mailan, and for once she would not feel sorry for merely existing ( at least not as often as she would amongst the badgers. however, some of the struggles our current mailan would face would still be relevant. ) many would question why mailan was sorted into ravenclaw, similar to the way students questioned luna’s place in the house. however, the two would -in their time- prove to others why they are there. their journey is quite a tedious one but these two overlap even career-wise.
eleanor bishop : an ncis agent whose brain works a little differently. intelligent but easy to tease or play with.
ELEANOR is.. quiet, stubborn, resourceful, independent, compassionate, and a perfectionist.
upon eleanor’s first appearance in the show, it was obvious that she was beyond resourceful and innovative. the way she worked differed from others and her messy aesthetic catches mailan’s essence entirely. while she’s smart and determined, mailan works best when she has papers ( see: parchment ), books, and squills sprawled around her. eleanor has a heart too big for her body and shows a compassionate nature to those she works closely with. it’s not easy to take advantage of her and the same goes to mailan. sure, she’s knowledgable but mailan’s heart has always been too soft and big for her body. the two tend to keep their problems to themselves, refusing to share with others what they’re going to which only leads them to burnouts, breakdowns, and overall not a good time. eleanor tends to butt heads with those in a higher power than her and mailan follows that streak especially if those with authority are corrupt and unyielding.
ii. what would be different?
MORAL ALIGNMENT: lawful neutral good
PERSONALITY: funny how many label gryffindor as brave and daring because while they do fiercely represent those traits, they aren’t the only ones. there is bravery in wanting to go FURTHER than anyone has ever gone before. there is AMBITION is longing to innovate, to create what no one has ever done. and mailan would adapt that daring nature too well. in contrast to her random acts of bravery she has amongst the badgers, she will be purposefully brave. she would dare to go beyond her own capabilities. ( of course, her ambitions will expand as well but only because she DARES to let herself have those ambitions in the first place. )
FRIENDS: it was never difficult to become friends with mailan but her accepting nature would enhance, duplicate. she would end up with some rather unlikely friendships ( see: bulstrode. ) and while her morals and beliefs are more solid ( firm, grounded) than ever before, it would not keep her for befriending those that see the world from a different perspective. if anything it would allow her to want to inch closer to those with contrasting experiences. her curiosity does not linger merely on plants or animals but on the nature of other wizards as well.
iii. what would remain somewhat similar?
ELEMENT: air // impractical, curious, fickle, talkative, and disjointed ( see also: misguided. )
INTERESTS: experimentation at its prime. mailan has been caught multiple time experimenting with plants that are too dangerous. the number of times she’s ended in detention because of it is just crazy. it has never stopped her, when she’s surrounded by people that pursue KNOWLEDGE to the extent some ravenclaws do, boundaries seem to fade away. cooking will be a passion and mailan would use her career ( since it allows her to travel ) to learn about different cuisine around the world. RIGHTS would always be something that mailan is drawn to. she would try and work closely with organizations that aren’t corrupted and actually seek to help the unfortunate; in fact, mailan would make various generous donations with her wealth ( hers or her family’s, the line is too difficult to draw. )
CLUBS: divination, herbology, spew, and care of magical creatures. mailan loves divination even if wizards go to extreme measures to push it to the ground. there is a certain fascination she feels about it, and naturally, she was too good at divination. her eye for the unseen, for the inevitable, for the possible was keen, precise, unique making her one of the few students that excel at divinations ( & one of the few ones that even TRIED with the class. ) another slight difference would be, that like the hat mentioned, the eagles would give her NEW ambitions. mailan would’ve never dreamed of being a leader if she didn’t wear blue on her robes but alas they pushed her to DARE to do more hence why she eventually became the president of care of magical creatures club.
FUTURE: amongst the badgers, mailan greatest ambition was to become a healer but the eagles gave her a new opportunity to DARE to do something greater, something a little bit challenging ( not that being a healer isn’t challenging, huff! mailan couldn’t even get the NEWTS to pursue such passion. ) as previously mentioned mailan would follow into luna’s career and become a magizoologist. the career seems all too perfect for her considering her love for the unknown and dangerous, and her position in the comc club.
WHERE: library, hogwarts
WHEN: march 6, afternoon
WHO: open to hogwarts students, professors
even when the whole castle is in a ruckus, rosemary took comfort in consistent, normal things: tending to the greenhouses, going to class, studying in the library. she had lost track of how long she had been in the library. it had been long enough for the sun to start setting, and she found herself drawing a line through her notes in a daze before realizing someone was standing in front of her table.
“oh, am i taking up too much space? i can clear some room if you’d like to sit.”
her eyes stung. they watered as she closed them and carefully used her hand to rub them. she felt exhausted like she’d been running a marathon and hadn’t managed to finish the race just yet. the sound of parchment being tossed and turned over filled her ears—it was almost therapeutic to her. but if weariness had once loomed over her, it embraced her now. mailan couldn’t handle working on assignments any longer. it took her a while to gather her things, considering how some of her notes had ended up on the floor but once she did so, she started to walk towards the exit, passing numerous tables on the way.
it was then mailan noticed her friend, studying just like she had been a couple of minutes prior. her stagnant energy drove her towards rosie with a sheepish, worn down smile. “rosie.” she called out, after the other had spoken, her tone nasally. “you can never take too much space when studying.” her body stumbled to sit in the chair, as her bag remained on her back. “please tell me you’ve been here a while and are in dire need of a snack, or a break, or both. i feel like my brain has been tackled by the devil’s snare. i can’t take it anymore.”
as she gazed at nikita she felt a great weight lift from her shoulders. it was a relief to see him outside of a music room, to see him among the other students. her goal was to spoil him unlike ever before ( which was hard considering how expensive, and thoughtful, her gifts had been on the previous valentine’s day ). still, mailan was determined to help her friend relax, to enjoy himself outside the four walls he knew too well. “of course i want to go, i can never say no to a good cup of tea.” she sheepishly smiles at him, too willing to express her thoughts. “that sounds like a good idea! if we have to wait, we could go check out the scarves that lady was selling—i saw something really cute..” for you, she leaves out, eyes bright.
“i just wanted to make sure you were okay with that. wouldn’t want you to get all narky on me later.” a playful tone adorns her words as her hand lets go of her hold on his arm. truth be told, mailan didn’t have too many plans formed ( unlike previous years ) as baking treats had taken up most of her mind whenever she was free from coursework. still, tea always seemed like a good option and seeing a couple of stores definitely helped. while mailan had made him a card and some cookies, she had also saved up some galleons to spend on this outing.
“oh, i’ve been meaning to ask you! when do you want to meet next? i’ve been practicing you know.” and by that, she meant that she practiced one, a couple days ago.
nails scratched nervously her jawline as she heard cress speak. it was so odd how easily she could agree with him for certain things and how for others she just couldn’t tolerate it. she was always torn between what, who, and how to be around him. cress’s presence often left her more confused and overwhelmed than before. she wondered if he did it on purpose or if that was the effect he had on people like her ( see: weak, soft, naive, confused, unsure, misguided ) ‘we’ve all suffered enough’ for some reason those words unsettled her. memories flashed in her mind, the fight in diagon alley, the death of three great wizards, the injustice that seemed to hover over anyone that was not a pureblood wizard. “i guess so.” it didn’t feel right for HER to say so. compared to others had mailan suffered? she had but it felt so minuscule. “i can see how shamelessness fits.”
ah, there it is, that carelessness for the result of one’s actions. what about the consequences? what about the domino effect their actions had on others lives? a frown became apparent in her features, she was too lost in thought to attempt to hide it. there was a shift in the air between them when he said ‘as far as i’m concerned, pham, you don’t either.’ her eyes turned away from him in one swift motion. part of her wanted to laugh, to tell him he was wrong, that he didn’t understand what she did at all. they NEEDED her to be around those they deemed as uninteresting, as useless, as.. nothing. the ideals of the death eaters were clear but mailan knew what she HAD to do. her teeth dug onto the inside of her cheek as she held back a remark. ( in another world she would have told cress to leave her alone, to not tell her what she could or couldn't do, but in this one her hands were tied. ) another part of her wanted to scream, scream at his words and the way he said them, as if they were simply making note of the obvious.
she shivered as uncertainty filled her. “right.” was the only thing she spoke for a second. her hands began to look into her bag for some candy, it was a distraction really, mailan didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t land her in trouble. “i don’t really understand how that works.” she mumbled, a bad habit of her; to speak, to unveil her thoughts, forgetting that others could hear them. “let’s agree to disagree, eh?” her words were louder than any previous ones, she wasn’t yelling but making sure others could hear what she said as she rummaged through her bag until she found it. taking out the piece of caramel she unwrapped it, glad to have found something to keep her from saying something she’ll regret.
maybe joy could’ve bloomed from deep within her at his next words, if it weren’t for the weight that hardened her. she forced a smile at his story. ( it was hard to recover from the effect his words had. had they been a threat? a simple observation? merely an ignorant opinion? ) “yeah, i’m pretty sure its the headmistress or professors who get the elves to kick us out of the kitchen. it’s tragic really, not being able to get a simple biscuit before dinner.” with that she plopped the caramel into her mouth, gaze finally returning to cress. “your boggart? bloody hell, that’s intense.” the smile that adorned her features then was a genuine one. amusement hid in her eyes. “do you try to sneak into the kitchen now? you know i have like snacks on my room so next time you need anything, let me know.”
Shakespearean Character Ask Meme — ( NOT accepting! )
PORTIA: When did you lose your innocence?
a frown appears in her features as the question repeats itself in her mind. the question becomes an echo in an endless abyss of thoughts. front teeth dig themselves into her lips as she sits in silence. what was innocence? and was it something that she could lose? “i..” she begins to speak. “i don’t know.” to her innocence was a feeling of wonder, maybe that childish mindset she often had. innocence was running in meadows, picking flowers because you forget that they are BEINGS too, that they are alive. innocence was.. a stubborn feeling, the tight grasp you had on HOPE—check PERSISTENCE. “part of me feels like i haven’t lost it quite yet..” there’s a pause. and images of blood, terror, and violence cloud her eyes. a flashback of january fifth comes to mind, she shakes her head. suddenly all joy evaporates from her body and she’s left COLD and afraid. thoughts of the war often left her like that and she wondered if it was the same feeling she would experience upon meeting a dementor. “..but then again.. with everything that’s going on lately, it feels like none of us really have that innocence.. not anymore, at least.. so if i’ve lost it, cause only merlin knows.. i would say i’ve been losing it over the course of the last couple of months.” a sadness taints her eyes, leaves them watery, uncertain. “but who knows really.”
SEBASTIAN: Is violence ever the answer?
answered!
MACBETH: Have you ever killed anyone? Would you?
“killed?” the word scares her. and she can’t help but look aghast. her eyes are as wide as can be, shocked at the mere suggestion of her KILLING someone.. or something. of course, she should have expected such question. with recent events, it wasn’t a matter of HAVE YOU / WOULD YOU but a matter of WHEN. she hated that, hated the way in which she KNEW her loyalty would be tested in the future. hated to think of blood in her hands, of someone’s eyes rolling back and becoming white—she visibly shivered. “no.. i haven’t killed anyone.” her face grew pale as each second passed by. fear became visible in her eyes. “i.. don’t even want to think about doing it in the future.. it just feels wrong..” uneasiness made its way into her stomach and soon nausea overcame her. the question rang in her eyes : WOULD YOU KILL FOR YOUR FAMILY? TO PROTECT YOUR SIBLINGS? she grew more hesitant, afraid of the answer, terrified of herself. mailan closed her eyes shut and shook her head. she didn’t even know the answer to that question. ( LIES! she did, she knew that when the time came she would ). another question haunted her : WOULD YOU KILL TO SURVIVE? no.. no, she repeated like a mantra. i would rather die. ( the wicked voice within her remained silent, and mailan didn’t know if that was a form of disagreeing.. or if they had finally agreed on something ).
where: the library.
when: march 1st, 2024.
who: open to anyone @ hogwarts
❝ – no i – wasn’t – ❞ messed brown hair thrown back over her shoulders as her back snapped up straight, the sound of body slamming against the back of the hardwood chair enough to garner the attention of everyone on the right side of the library. cassandra’s eyes quickly danced around, mentally calculating the possibilities of landing in detention for three weeks before continuing to form the sentence swirling in her mind, ❝ pssh– i wasn’t asleep, i was just … closely inspecting the words. ❞ as if the line of ink trailing down the left side of her face from where it had been smushed into her journal helped to bolster her fibs.
“liar.” mailan spoke as her quill continued to write on the piece of parchment that laid on the desk. taking notes felt like a CHORE lately but she knew she needed them to pass her N.E.W.Ts. time passed by too fast for her to notice for just how long cassandra had fallen asleep for. regardless, the young hufflepuff had made no attempt to wake her friend—out of compassion, for she too knew what sleepless nights felt like. restlessness lingered above her like a dark cloud, ready to explode and let it all fall upon her. “you looked cute.. i mean you always do, but you always look cuter when you’re sleeping. would you cringe if i said you were like angelic?” it is then her eyes travel to meet cassie and in her lips hides a smile. playfulness fills her brown eyes with LIFE again. “are you done inspecting the words so closely or do i have to wait two more hours in order to have my friend’s actual company?”
WHERE: Some girls’ bathroom in Hogwarts.
WHEN: November 6th, 2023 @ 19:46.
WHO: Mailan Pham. ( @swtfcde )
This wasn’t right.
This.
Wasn’t.
Fucking.
Right.
Her father couldn’t be dead. It had been a week, but she still couldn’t wrap her head around it. Her mother had begged her to come back home, but Prue couldn’t bring herself to do it. She couldn’t just run away. Couldn’t just run to the muggle world and hide there. Prue couldn’t just give up. She had to fight, she had to get revenge.
The thing was, she wasn’t the only one hurting. What about Lily, and Albus, and James?! They had lost their father too, and she hadn’t seen them breaking down like she was right now. Maybe they had, maybe they hadn’t, but fact was: they had never gotten caught. Or at least, not by anyone who’d have shared the facts. And there Prue was, breaking down in a random girls’ bathroom where she wasn’t even sure she belonged. Sometimes she did feel like a girl, but sometimes she didn’t, and right at that moment, she just wasn’t sure.
Still, nothing could change the fact that Prue was breaking down right in front of the mirrors, hands gripping the sink so hard that her knuckles had paled. She wasn’t sure if she was just having issues breathing or just crying, or both, but fact was that she wasn’t in the right state to interact with anyone.
Therefore, to say that they panicked when they heard someone come into the bathroom would be an understatement. Trying to stop crying, they just trembled more intensely as she looked down at the sink and tried to ignore whoever it was that had just entered, hoping it wouldn’t be someone who was glad for her father’s death. Though, in that case, they’d have an excuse to actually do something…
the last week felt like HELL. when the news of the death of harry potter, minerva mcgonagall, and the minister arrived a heavy sense of dread filled her. she wondered if the weight she carried resembled the weight atlas had once felt. her insides ached whenever her eyes laid on anyone affected by the deaths. the hufflepuff cried too, minerva was a ROLE MODEL to her but that pain felt so.. insignificant compared to what others went through. lily, james, albus, prue.. there were so many others though. families in the wizarding world were so intertwined—this affected so many people, too many. she was sure that with the cold weather and this unsettling feeling within her, that she grew paler as each day passed. how could mailan find PEACE knowing who she truly aligned herself with?
it was a shock that she had managed to keep her food down for so long, she was TRYING. the last thing mailan needed was to worry others at a time like this. desperately looking for a place to not be disturb she entered the girl’s room only to notice prue near the sinks. her heart sank immediately. she heard a sob, or more, and assumed it came from her friend. out of shock she nearly dropped the bag she held in her hand. “prue..?” her voice trembled as her eyes remained fixed on the other. what should she do? turn around and give prue some space? while the thought seemed appropriate, mailan couldn’t bring herself to ABANDON a friend especially at a time like this. “a- are.. you okay..?” what a foolish question, even a toddler could tell that prue was in pain.
Send 🖋 and a word and I’ll tell you some headcanons relating to it! — ( currenly NOT accepting! )
it started on mailan’s third year, she was always so forgetful and with a new arrange of classes, she seemed to forget her belongings everywhere. most notably she seemed to leave behind her scrunchies around in different places around the castle. if you have ever seen a bright yellow scrunchy in the potions classroom, it’s possible that it belonged to her. when she went to the music room to visit nikita, i.e, see him practice, bring him a snack, etc. she would often forget her scrunchies there too. her oblivious, and careless self, would later complain to nikita that she couldn’t find any hair ties it would be then that he would pull one from his pockets. shortly after that, a RED scrunchy became a TOKEN of good luck. whenever nikita had a quidditch game, mailan would give him her red hair tie and ever seen, there haven’t been many games hufflepuff faced in which nikita didn’t have it. now, whenever mailan goes to buy more scrunchies (because she continues to lose them) she tells nikita and makes sure to get some in a color he likes so he could have some as well. in exchange, nikita has shared certain articles of clothing with her, think of hoodies and shirts. mailan’s favorite piece is one shirt of the hufflepuff quidditch game that has nikita’s number (because players have numbers,, at least in the movies pls let me have this) on it. she would often find a way to get nikita to give it to her so she can wear it when a hufflepuff match is near.
with nikita being a prodigy it was hard for her to admit that she did play the VIOLIN. however, once she did say it, some conversations just flowed better. it was easier to talk to nikita when they had something in common, especially considering how much music means to him. at first, mailan visited nikita when he practiced. she didn’t bring anything with her, quickly realizing how he worked. if she wanted him to let her stay she had to be at her best behavior which wasn’t that difficult. as time passed, and mailan became more of a SOFT spot for the other hufflepuff; she was allowed to bring snacks and her homework. later on, he agreed to tutor her, to teach her more about the violin. to this day, mailan gets a shaky bow when she practices or plays the violin around nikita. however, with nikita she does learn a lot more about the violin, over the years she’s learned new techniques as well.
mailan always had a unique interest in the students that transferred to hogwarts, it’s a nurturing instinct that pulls her to those students. hence it was no surprise when she approached nikita during his first week at hogwarts and volunteered to give him a tour of the best places of the castles. let’s just say that their FIRST MEETING didn’t go so well. it didn’t take much for mailan to notice his cold, stoic behavior. his responses were short precise and she found herself intimidated when he spoke. persistence was key and although nikita turned her comment about the greenhouses being the best place at hogwarts down, she still asked questions. mailan showed him where some of the music rooms around the castle where (they definitely got LOST which didn’t help mailan but back then she didn’t go to the music rooms, she had no reason to do so). something that lingers from their first meeting is the UNCERTAINTY and FEAR that mailan feels around nikita. sure they are close friends, they know each other pretty well. but it’s too easy for her to take his words to seriously, to find the mean tone in his voice. she is easily hurt by nikita and his words / actions.
there’s many ways mailan shows her love and AFFECTION, and one the three most prominent ones are physical touch, gifts, and words of affirmation. with nikita physical touch is probably the most notable form of affection they share. it’s hard to not see them walking with their hands intertwined. mailan showers him in kisses, never on the mouth although they’ve shared two of those kisses. she made it a habit to kiss his entire face at random times. kissing his cheeks, forehead, nose, chin, the list goes on. however, there are TWO places mailan kisses nik the most: his hands and his jaw. as a violinist, he uses his hands a lot, and she tries to ease up any tension he may have by kissing his fingers or wrists, or the back of his hand when they are holding it. mailan kissing nik’s hands is probably one of the rare times that nik gets flustered. his jaw is merely because.. she loves it, she really enjoys kissing his jaw and would probably blush whenever she did so. (is his jaw one of her favorite things about nikita? More Likely Than You Think™️). mailan also massages his head when he’s too stressed. and when nikita is burying himself into his work and forgets to eat, she nibbles his bicep or arm, it’s an attempt to get his attention.
in a world where mailan acts as a double agent for the side of the war, she despises, having friends that belong either to the MA or neutrals is a PRIVILEGE—one she shouldn’t afford but does regardless. Allowing herself to be as attached as she is to nikita is SELFISH and not a day goes by where she doesn’t hate herself more for all the truths she has kept from him. and it’s no surprise that she is selfish in their friendship as well. more often than not mailan forgets about how nikita’s fingers need rest and she continues to hold his hand instead of letting him rest. more often than not she would be a distraction to him in music rooms or studying sessions; even when she understands his dedication to music. most of these selfish acts feel so insignificant but maybe the most selfish one of them all will be sharing her SECRET with him, only him. ( just kidding, in the future -if they have one in this verse- she would be FAR more selfish than she ever was in her school years).
the FUTURE for them remains uncertain. with endless possibilities of what could go wrong in the war i’m not saying that this will happen on their CURRENT VERSE but it’ll happen somewhere. nikita and mailan are both asian. however, their experience and ethnic identity are incredibly different. while mailan is familiar with customs, cuisine, language, and some history of vietnam, nik’s experience differs. based on past conversation, fear lives within nikita when it comes to him being korean. and while mailan isn’t the most CHALLENGING friend to have, that is something she will challenge him with. she would learn korean with him, would read books about the korean wizarding world.. will try and bring korea in conversations with native creatures and plants from there. it’s a good thing she’s patient because this would take months or years but she’d walk with him in that journey if he’d let her. // the future for them could be a SECOND CHANCE, an opportunity to make things right again. their future would be nicer to them than their present ever could be. here’s an excerpt for older! mailan’s pov: “i think all those love stories got it wrong. love isn’t about dropping everything for someone, not always at least. there isn’t this massive quest to save one another. love is more than that, ours is.. and i think our love was about patience.. about finding the right timing.. about waiting for our hearts to long each other so much that they would sing a song at the same time—together, in perfect harmony.”
her nose scrunches up when he says he doesn’t need any credit. liar, she thinks but the thought stays as a mere thought of the millions that go through her mind. mailan never enjoyed going against the words of her brothers but she could always argue that they both needed more validation, more love, just MORE. but she knew better than to always share what she thought. if the fourteen-year-old mailan saw who she was now, she would be frightened or disappointed—maybe both. “i wasn’t lying.” she responds. “it’s hard to remember the last time you annoyed me so..” her voice trails off as memories from their recent christmas flood her mind. and then a realization hit—it was hard to be annoyed at someone she rarely saw. “one day you’ll let me shower you with love.. and when it arrives, i’ll be unstoppable.”
somehow describing his knowledge and expertise over the dark arts as useful felt ODD to her. however, mailan knew there was more to the dark arts than pain and torture. it was hard to see it though since curses and killing spells were often the only thing people knew about them. a brief smile appears on her lips at his response. even if she doubted everything around them, she could rest assured knowing that her brother loved her. mailan wonders why she’s surprised at the fact that he doesn’t want to go into details of how he’s doing. she should have expected it really but inside her lived a hope that one day her brothers would be HONEST with her. “oh well that’s not fair.” her words are sharp but her tone isn’t. a bit of playfulness hides inside her eyes, brightening them. “but understandable so i’ll take it.”
“it’s hard.” the confession falls from her lips with too much ease, as if it was ready to leave her system. “there are just too many things going on that i don’t want to talk about.. or even think about.” what thoughts could she share with him? what doubts would she admit? i’m scared all the time. “i haven’t been sleeping lately, it’s just hard to get my mind to stop working at night.” the small detail she choose to share felt so little compared to what she actually wanted to say. “what do you want me to make for you? just give me a little push in the right direction and i’ll make it happen.. i’ve missed cooking for you, you know? it’s always more fun when i have you and kit try out my genius creations.”
Shakespearean Character Ask Meme — ( NOT accepting! )
CELIA: Do you want to fall in love?
“yes.” she blurted out without thinking. heat and embarrassment began to crawl on her, and it didn’t take long for her to feel her ears warm up. she craved to love and be loved in return. it felt like such an unrealistic desire; to want a future, to want a partner she could spend years (if not the rest of her life with). and although she was only sixteen years old, she had an idea of what a good future could look like with someone else. or maybe, she simply knew what it didn’t look like—that’s what her parents had taught her after all. “i mean.. i wouldn’t like mind or anything, you know?” there was a pause. her expressions begin to shift one second at a time. the smile that adorned her features was overtaken by a frown. “but who knows if it’ll actually happen.”
CIRCE: Would you rather be loved or feared?
“i don’t want to be feared.” it wasn’t difficult to answer the question. fear could accomplish many things, she was aware enough to admit that. it only took a second for her to remember her last encounter with genie—fear was often used as a tool, she knew from experience. more often than not it was FEAR that pushed her to do things she didn’t want to. spying on others had never been something mailan wanted to do, but if it meant protecting her siblings, she’d do it all. “i’d rather be loved, definitely. i quite like being loved and spoiled. i guess it comes with being the youngest one.” she jokes, a smile forming on her lips as she imagined what kit would reply to her comment.
HIPPOLYTA: What is your biggest regret?
unlike other times, the question causes hesitation to rise from deep within her. and silence fills the space around her as she thinks. “biggest regret?” she asks back, head tilting to the side. it would be foolish to not admit that she found herself regretting her most basic decisions. something as simple as what juice to have for breakfast could push mailan to spiral down an endless abyss of useless thoughts. regret was a friend, an old friend that was never good for her. “i mean, it depends i guess.. about whether it’s a regret i have over my actions or a regret i have.. in general? like, just life regrets..” in an instance her mind became overwhelmed with thoughts of the great and recently deceased wizards the world had lot. “i regret.. not being able to do more about what’s going on. it just feels like we could be doing more, you know?” but she didn’t have the opportunity to help. instead she was the one chopping up wood, to help the student death eaters set a bigger fire around the castle. i regret falling down into this rabbit hole. i regret not speaking about my beliefs, not standing up for them when i SHOULD have. i regret turning against myself. i regret.. i regret betraying my friends. but most importantly, i regret. being selfish with my decisions but i’m not sure if i’d have it any other way?—lies.
Shakespearean Character Ask Meme — ( NOT accepting! )
ANTONY: What bad habits do you need to break?
“does not sleeping properly count?” the question felt meaningless. of course not sleeping properly was a bad habit, in fact, it felt like one of the worst habits to have. it wasn’t even that she didn’t want to sleep, mailan TRIED to fool herself. she spent endless nights drinking warm milk, or tea in order to fall asleep but she just ended up feeling more restless in the morning. “i would love to break this awful sleeping pattern.” talking about her sleepless nights was easier than admitting that she would LOVE to break away from the lies she told daily. lying was definitely a bad habit she wanted and needed to break but alas, she had to keep going for just a little bit longer.
