romantic rose

just vent

[kalbindenoperim]

:)

[swuaverosa]

02012023

0131

sooo us <3 love u!

[realizinq]

[swuaverosa]

1024

I killed my inner child. She didn’t matter anymore once they took my innocence from me. They used me. Abused me. Held me by my wrists. Pinned me down. Exposed themselves to me. I cried every night after work. I felt dirty. Used. Useless. Like a whore. Like I disappointed my mama, & that’s because I did. Nobody talks about what SA does to you. It ruined me. It took my smile away. I saw all men as one. I am disgusted by them. Scared of them. Mad at them. Why would they do that to me? I was only 21. I was so naive. I was so innocent & pure. I hadn’t known what they were really capable of. That couldn’t happen to me, I thought. I’d fight them off, I thought. But I didn’t. I let them take from me. Now I’m cold. Emotionless. Don’t believe in love, in marriage. Why would I trust a man, love a man, when a man is the one who did all this to me?

[fawn-soul]

Planet TOI 1338 b

[swuaverosa]

17112022

1021

miss who I used to be fr /: I had the kindest heart but mfs really ruined me n I hate I let them do that bc they fr wiped the smile off my face & the kindness in my heart. Also fuck all the grimey ass men in strip clubs. My innocence wasn’t ready for the trauma that came w stripping & nobody/nothing could ever prepare me for the SA I endured during my months of working. Haaattteeee the new me but I know I can never get the old me back. Once u see how fckd up ppl are & how life really is, u can never go back to being so giving n pure. A lot was taken from me during this year. Fuck everyone who just deliberately kept taking from me knowing I’d give no matter what. Now that I’m selfish suddenly I’m the bad guy LOL go to hell. Despite it all I still hope to restore my inner child & take care of her. Life so hard but my mama ain’t raise no puss ass bitch who backs down when times get tough. she always fought for what she wanted so that’s what ima do.

[bellafleurz]

[swuaverosa]

1223

yooo u made it on my tumblr maybe ur actually a huge deal to me. Anyway hi universe I wanna talk to u instead. Still shy. Anyway, I like this one. This ones cool. I want this one. Im ready for him. I hope. I’ll try.

Thanks.

[swuaverosa]

01200

growing is so beautiful & gives such a rewarding feeling. To go through traumatic photos/texts, reminding u of how depressed, suicidal, heartbroken you were…, to look at all of that & not feel traumatized or upset all over again & instead smile as u remind urself of far how you’ve gotten; which was a lot farther than u thought before.

[hel7l7]

this is the end

[swuaverosa]

220622

239

Im so tired. Exhausted. I’m tired of being tired all the time I just wanna sleep forever. This is not the way to live. I’m not even happy. I’m just going day by day. Nothing eventful is happening. Nothing to give me reason to keep going. It’s all just so draining. I don’t see purpose in any of it.

[hel7l7]

I can’t love you when you want to die

[swuaverosa]

13102021

700

leave me alone. I can’t say anything to you anymore because you’re gone. I will never see you again because you’re dead. Some days I wish I could see you one last time. Talk to you one more time. To just know why. Why? And how. How was it so easy for you? So many questions left unanswered; will forever remain unanswered. There, i finally reached out to you. There’s nothing more to say. I don’t miss you, I don’t love you, I don’t want you back, I don’t still think of us. I’ve moved on. Your death brought me so much peace so for that, I guess I’ll thank you.

Now get out of my head and just leave me alone.

[konoko]

[swuaverosa]

751

baby I know you’re watching over me and I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you in a while. You know I think about you a lot. I miss you. I miss waking up every morning knowing you were growing so fast inside me. I miss always having someone w me everywhere I went. I was never alone. Whatever I did, wherever I went, I was never alone; I always had you. You made me smile so much. My favorite thing was looking down at you and waving hello. I love you so much. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t ready. How could I be.

Please forgive me

[rxmv]

10062021

747

that’s all I can do. Just wait till it passes.

[ohlivee]

source

[swuaverosa]

1038

I’m so sorry, my baby Ollie. I would’ve loved you. So so much. I miss you so much already. I used to be mad bc it felt like you were eating my insides every morning. You were always so hungry in the morning. You made me go to the grocery store every day bc of your silly cravings. I gave u everything u wanted. I loved keeping track of ur progress every day. Every morning, that’s the first thing I’d do. Well, other than pee. You made me pee so much, I got so frustrated. lol. I’m sorry I couldn’t hold you. This world isn’t one I want anyone to live in. I love you so much. I couldn’t be selfish & keep you here. I wish life were easier. I’ll miss you so much, my little olive. I miss looking down at my stummy & smiling as I said hi to u. Rubbing my stomach happily, knowing u were in there. you had my heart, literally. I can only imagine ur little heart beating. I’m sorry I took that away from you. I hope you can forgive me.

I’ll be the person I would’ve wanted you to be. Everything I do is for you now. I know you’ll be looking over me. I don’t want to disappoint you. I’m more loving because of you. I thank you so much. Thank you for being the best thing to happen to me.

I’ll always love you, never forget you, Ollie 🫒🤍

[heavensghost]

Jacqui Jermaine

[swuaverosa]

09082021

1036

it hurts. so bad.

[neckkiss]

“'Le Mépris “

[swuaverosa]

10072021

815

I’m so mad at you. You fucked things up. I wanted you so bad. So desperately. I loved you so much. But you didn’t want me so you looked for other women. I loved you but I was tired of waiting. I loved you but I was tired of hurting.

I was willing to give everything to be with you again. But you messed it up. And I’m so mad. I’m so sad. You make me so mad cause we could’ve been so perfect. If only you never moved on so fast. If only this, if only that.

It hurts so bad why do u keep coming back just to leave again. Please stay gone.

I love you but I can’t do this anymore.

I want you to know it’s your fault. It’s your fault I moved on. I hate that I had to do it but I couldn’t wait around for someone who just wanted to toy with me while I was trying to give them my all.

I tried doing everything for u but nothing was ever enough. You didn’t want anything from me like u wanted something from someone else.

[asleepinawell]

The Planets (BBC) - Jupiter and Io

[swuaverosa]

10072021

811

I remember when I would tell you that I loved you to the universe & back. You were the brightest & best star in my whole universe

We’d argue over who loved who the most. “I love you more than I love forehead kisses.”

I smile at those memories. I cry, but I smile. Because it was in those moments where we never had to question our love for one another. In those moments that our love felt so pure & genuine.

Thank you for being a part of my little universe. But eventually stars burnout. Unfortunately, it was time that you did.

[hel7l7]

[swuaverosa]

10072021

01057

I fell in love with what we could have been & that’s why it’s so hard for me to let go. Because what we could’ve been is so beautiful & full of unconditional love. It’s perfect.

[redgf]

[swuaverosa]

09072021

913

it’s the weirdest thing.

I started off broken, defeat, traumatized. I cried every night, every waking moment for months. I was at my lowest. I’ve never felt that much pain, ever. And then I started my meds. I became numb. Wasn’t numbness though. Kind of some emptiness. Nonchalant. Didn’t care about anyone but myself. Focused on myself. Didn’t have much of any emotion. Days merged into one & I was never able to tell what day was which nor could I recall which day I did what. I basically lived day to day with no recollection of anything. Nothing special or memorable in my days. But I felt okay. I was okay.

Now I feel okay but not okay at the same time. I’m emotionally vulnerable. I’m opening up myself again emotionally. I’m allowing to love and be loved. I’m putting my true self out there again. My true emotions. But they’re like new emotions. Not what I felt before. I know I won’t let my emotions take over like I used to. I have more control over them. But now I’m allowing to feel again. A part of me wants to be scared but a bigger part of me feels free, relieved that I can finally feel again. Relieved that I can finally recognize my emotions for what they are & process them for how they come. I’m able to properly handle them instead of ignoring them or simply not caring enough to even feel anything.

it’s going to hurt, that I know. But I will come through it all stronger & wiser.

[swuaverosa]

09072021

1252

with tears in my eyes I begged you to stay.

[swuaverosa]

05072021

929

That was a good time but like everything else in life, it has to come to an end & become a memory.