TW: Discussion/themes of sexual harrassment, sexual assault, rape, etc. TLDR at bottom
hey, so iâm not really sure how to start this post.
this is directed at the chonny jash tumblr community, and more specifically, @hhoneyclovesâ community.
if you know who iâm referring to, please do not harass or attack noah. just donât get nasty, please, be it through words, threats, images, whatever else. be reasonable, react how you want to, but please also be civil. thank you <3
anyway, some of you guys mightâve heard him talk about meâ hi, iâm noah hhoneyclovesâ âevil ex whoâs trying to cancel himâ, as allegedly heâs been making me out to be.
though, for those of you who havenât, hello!!! iâm silas! iâm the creator of jashwriting heart/suitor (and the âbussinâ meme with the first three notes of the heart acoustic for anyone who knows what that is), co-creator of the cccc colorshift au, and guy who was suitor for halloween in 2024.
i used to have a tumblr account, but i deleted it to give myself an ounce of protection from anything really bad that could happen. iâve got some mean messages over this in private, iâm worried about whatâs going to happen when i finally make a post in public, hence why iâve been mostly asking other creators to make posts for me thus far, and every post that i had made myself is deleted.
with these posts (the content of which iâll get to shortly), noah messaged my parents (mind you, he hates my mom), and my mom told me that iâd be legally liable for saying what i said because itâs âslanderââ itâs not, because not only is it written but itâs also entirely true, but my mom telling me she wouldnât help me (and iâm a college student, for context) get a lawyer in court if it came to it, lead to me quieting down on posting for a bit.
but upon receiving more in-depth education on consent, and talking to my title ix coordinator at college as well as my psychiatrist, it seems that all of the adults who i trust on the matter the most came to the same conclusion: that noah shouldnât have done what he did.
so iâm trying to be brave by explaining what happened.
some screenshots and updates will be reblogged on this post (hopefully, im still not the most well-versed in tumblr) and asks will be answered on this page. itâs because iâm sure there are aspects iâm missing, and honestly iâm typing this out kind of quickly anyway because i think that when i spend too long dwelling on what i say i never say anything at all. also, much of the worst of it happened in person and i have no evidence of the act itself but rather of the discussion following.
noah and i dated from november 2021 when we were fourteen to february 2025 when he was eighteen and i was seventeen. in february 2024, when he was seventeen and i was sixteen (the age of consent in our state is sixteen), he lived with me due to a stressful situation in his home life, and eventually we started getting intimate with each other. having survived many grooming incidents and being eager to hopefully have something healthy myself, i eventually asked noah if we could have sex, and he said we could. thatâs not the issue.
the issue is that he took it much further than i wanted to go. he was in the process of pulling down my underwearâ something that, whether or not it was explicitly clear to him, i hadnât wanted to doâ when he looked up at me and asked if it was okay. i said repeatedly, âi donât know, i donât knowâ,
to which, if he was both considerate and educated, and keeping in mind that i am a people pleaser and was a virgin (which he knew, as aside from being the person i vented to the most at the time and knowing i had trouble communicating sometimes, heâd made jokes about me being âextra virginâ like olive oil because iâd been so afraid of sex, especially before iâd took a leap and asked to have it), he would have known that an âi donât knowâ isnât consent and stopped.
he said, âi need a yes or no answer.â to which i hesitantly said yes after a moment. it was a coerced âyesâ. it was coercion. i didnât want to say yes immediately, and noah should have picked up on that as a sexual partner.
i was in denial for months. i figured i didnât like it because something was wrong with me, and didnât really tell anyone about how i felt because i refused to tell myself how i felt.
until fall of 2024, when i started journaling and it hit me that it wasnât a normal experience. i told noah about how i felt, and that i didnât want to have sex for the foreseeable future, and he called himself a rapist and said he was sorry and that he wouldnât have sex with me again. iâd argue this is the extent of his apology. and at the time, i thought i forgave him.
we eventually broke up, as mentioned. he wanted to remain queerplatonic but i just wanted to be friends.
around april of 2025, he did something relatively very minor (and honestly hard to describe in detail because i barely remember exactly how it was set up but it involved me asking him not to move my sketchbook because i didnât like the drawings i made in it and he moved the sketchbook anyway and he looked away but i really didnât care because it was) revolving around violating a boundary. it made me upset because it reminded me of how weâd been and how heâd never really changed; he has a *pattern*, sexual or not.
i went to talk to him about it, bringing up both the incident and sex as examples. he was working on grading callsigns puzzles that night, and so even though iâd asked first if he was okay with talking and heâd responded âwhat am i in trouble forâ, he started yelling at me (or, yelling through text in the way people do), saying i knew he was busy (i had forgotten and asked to talk first). he said some mean things, which i can include a screenshot of soon, and then eventually blocked me.
he put his beloved tumblr blog over trying to do better for the sake of me and any future partnersâ health.
(^ this is something he hasnt apologized for as far as i remember btw)
we went a few months without talking after that, and the one time we did talk it was just to try to get closure
(theres more to this than that iâll get on it later. for now know i made and deleted a few vagueposts a bit after it happened where i talked about how i was upset with what happened, i also namedropped callsigns briefly, and so his friends at the time were sending me victim blaming mean asf things)
but he worked around my local pool so one day my mom struck up a conversation with him. notably, he was connected to every single remaining IRL friend i had at the time, and i really missed having irl connections after the fallout with him. i figured maybe since weâd got that âcivilâ closure conversation,
(which btw was really icky; i ended up apologizing for more than he did because i wanted to make him happy even though he had hurt me and talked about how he wouldve been happy to let people continue to talk poorly of me and to me because it was nothing compared to what iâd put him through by telling people what he put me through)
we could try being friends again, and so i invited him over to eat some raspberries. and briefly iâd believed we were friends again after that.
now, does the chonny jash fandom remember how chonny said heâs uncomfortable with nsfw of depictions of himself?
aside from how noah draws and writes that kind of stuff (i assumed before that they werent actual depictions of chonny jash and there was NO WAY heâd actually violate chonnyâs boundaries like that, i was in denial), he has a character based off of me: Cupid. Down to the body type (including height) and mannerisms. He bragged about how Cupid eventually branched off, but the fact that this is a bragging point should tell you what you need to know for what Iâm about to say.
He told me when we were alone that he was practicing feminine anatomy by drawing Cupid in ânot enough clothesâ, but âcouldnât stop staringâ because cupidâs semi nude body was âso prettyâ (as noah had once described my own body).
This made me uncomfortable and i ended up dissociating for a few hours, then decided eventually after days that i didnât want to be friends anymore. I told noah (though i was skipping some details on exactly what he said in hopes that maybe he wouldnât blow up on me as hard that way) and he was fine with it, distant, even, until i said that i think a sex education would fix it, and he blew up on me again, saying i âviolated his boundariesâ (very bold choice of words in my opinion because of what he did).
overall my issue isnt just that he hurt me its that he acts this way after hurting me
theres more detail i guess and iâm sure iâll get to them in due time but first i really just want to get myself out there.
quickly, i want to address: noah didnât rape me and as far as i remember (though i do have kind of bad memory) i never said he did. i donât think it matters the legal definition of what happened, but rather what headspace he was in, how it affected me, and what heâs doing to atone. obviously iâm pretty affected, i still get intrusive thoughts to what happened whenever iâm upset about a violation of boundaries. he may have hurt me on accident, and he has apologized in text, but a massive part of taking accountability is trying to fix the mistake, but in the time that i knew him, he got angry at me for even suggesting he educate himself, despite that education being something that would make âaccidentsâ impossible in the future.
TLDR: Noah (@hhoneycloves ) has a history of violating my boundaries sexually. He claims itâs an accident, and that heâs sorry, but heâs continued to do so when given numerous chances to stop, and has blown up at me when Iâve asked him to try to educate himself on sex more so nothing like that happens again. It is a part of a pattern where he puts his wants and preferences over othersâ boundaries and needs. We are no longer friends and Iâm tired of seeing him get away with what he did, and I want the internet to hold him accountable because he wonât hold himself accountable.
Iâm happy to answer any questions. Thank you for your time.
(sorry for bad editing too iâm not using a google doc or anything this is literally written as a tumblr post)
