Systems Waffle

Space to write everything we want but don’t want to bug people with on our main blog. Main blog a-system-of-broken-parts

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Fuck I hate cess pit that is Facebook. I still use it for a few community groups but when I do, it likes to reminded why that probably isn’t worth it.

In this particular instance, I think; what a sad & boring life people live, to not be curious about things. To not want to know why things are the way they are. Also to be cranky that other people want to know things, is ridiculous. Not everything has a clear cut answer from a search engine. Some questions are just too niche. They’re the kinds of questions that would only show up on reddit, if someone else had asked before.

Do other people not quell frustration with curiosity?

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I get really pissy about people waking me up. Sleep is hard to come by & it’s desperately needed to function. Today is I’ve been woken up numerous times & I have to go out early, day. I guess on the plus side I’m awake early enough to eat before I go out. Sigh.

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Accidentally ended up with 4 audiobooks from the library at once & I’m wondering if I can finish them all in the time I have.

Had one book that I started because all my other ones were holds & I didn’t know when any would be ready. Often times even if I’m approximately 2 weeks off, people will unsuspend holds & it’ll get pushed back or even if it does take 2 weeks, that’s 2 weeks without a book.

But the one I chose is 20 hours long & really involved. Not intentionally, it’s by the author I just finished another book from. The other books are a trilogy & I didn’t pay any mind to the length of this one. Consequently I decided to find something lighter, for when I didn’t want the endless book, so I found one & also made another hold at the same time, thinking the hold was a really light hearted book & I like having a light hearted option. That hold came in quickly.

Unexpectedly the hold I had unsuspended before borrowing any of these came through quicker than I expected because the library got another copy. I didn’t want to suspend it again. Hence the 4 books. Thankfully I guess nothing else is as long or complex as the first one so everything else will hopefully fit around the long one. I had to suspend a couple of others that seemed like they might come in soon though.

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Can’t sleep or even get comfortable tonight. It’s really frustrating.

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I was starting to get sleepy & now my brain is suddenly obsessed with remembering stuff from learning German

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Apparently I wake up & stuck awake in the later part of my night at the moment. This is annoying.

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I had been sleeping so well, now I’m kind of uncomfortable & cant shut my brain off to go back to sleep. I don’t want to take pain meds but might need to

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Every so often I wake up to a loud screeching. I don’t know if I’m hallucinating or it’s a fault in a fire alarm. It’s really difficult not knowing which one it is. It hasn’t happened for several weeks after it being a weekly thing for a few weeks. The fire alarms are new, so really, it shouldn’t be them. Honestly I wish I could remove them so I didn’t have to wonder. But obviously that’s not possible. The sounds are slightly different I think which I guess leans towards it being a waking hallucination rather than the smoke alarms. I’m also in pain tonight so maybe that contributes & pain overnight has been less bad the last couple of weeks, so that stopped it for a while. Idk. It’s hard to make sense of.

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Have support work & I so badly do not want to

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How the fuck does the US measure rain in inches. We measure in mm and even into decimals. We have had 17.6mm of rain in the last 24 hours. That’s not even an inch, but for us that’s a lot of water. It’d be some kind of chaotic fraction that can’t possibly be very accurate. Do they have any idea how specific .6 mm is? I guess one could argue we don’t need to know rain in such a specific amount, but when rain is rare, it’s interesting to see how much you get in such a specific amount.

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People are so fucking ridiculous. We have burning off all the fucking time when the weather isn’t too hot or windy. We also have an app that easily tells us if there’s burning off in the area. All the local fire departments also post on the fb pages that there is burning off in the area. Yet people flock to the local fb groups freaking out about seeing smoke in the mountains. If you chose just one of those things, you’d guess it was burning off & stop freaking out. If you can see it, so can tens of thousands of people. If there was a fire, you know where you’d find that information? The same place you’d find the burning off information. Ugh.

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Feeling overwhelmed, unsettled, rejected. It feels like it shouldn’t even matter. But it does. I hate this. I hate feeling alone & abandoned. Then I feel stupid & pathetic for feeling this way. It’s not just the actual thing but the potential consequences of the thing. The unsettled feeling is making it hard to go back to sleep. I probably didn’t help by ending up on social media briefly. Idk. Figured maybe writing this would help. Get things out of my head, even if it is just vague posting. I feel too ashamed to be more specific

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I desperately want to go to the protest but between pain & heat intolerance, it seems pointless to even try. Pain is so bad at the moment. I doubt I could stay for even half an hour. Feeling guilty about it.

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My nervous system has been so badly damaged in the past year. By one reoccurring thing that was traumatic. And another thing that isn’t really traumatic but has left me very easily on edge.

I had no interest or intention of taking meds tonight & now I think I need to with both these things triggered & I’m really struggling to settle it.

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It seems mean to make people with adhd wait for hours in a waiting room for a psychiatrist

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Can I just say.

Exercise is BS & I wish it wasn’t something bodies need.

It feels physically shit to do.

It causes physical pain & exacerbates pain while doing it & after.

It causes terrible emotions while doing it.

It also causes terrible emotions for hours after doing it.

Why would anyone put themselves through that? I’d rather die young than doing something that makes me feel miserable & suffer everyday instead.

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Got a doona cover a while back that I didn’t realise was polyester at the time I brought it & probably wouldn’t have got it, if I realised. Didn’t even know polyester doona covers were a thing. Even the cheap stores use cotton, just low quality cotton & low thread counts. But this is absolutely my favourite doona cover & I feel kind of bad for that. It’s freakin soft. Crusty, prickly cotton doona covers, especially pillow cases are one of my biggest sensory icks. This one is incredibly soft & cozy. Ah, conflicted by it being plastic & shedding micro plastics in the wash. Idk where the consensus has fallen if it better to use polyester things for as long as we can, or if the microplastic shedding means it’s better not to use it.