Dr. Theodora (Teddy) Altman

Cardio Thoracic Attending at Seattle Grace Mercy West. Desert Storm Barbie. And head over heels in love with a Redhead in the seat of Power. I know alot about ♥'s.

[montgomeryaddison-md]

In The Beginning | Izzie, Teddy & Addison

[t-altmancardio]

"We did it," I agree with a nod as I continue to stare at the picture. I just need to get this baby to 36 weeks. At times, I wonder why I did this to myself and I am sure the question will cross my mind a million more times between now and the birth. But we did this part.

[montgomeryaddison-md]

In The Beginning | Izzie, Teddy & Addison

[t-altmancardio]

Izzie leaves and Addison is staring at the ultrasound picture while I change. I’m in shock myself when she wraps her arms around me. I can’t believe this is happening after everything.

[montgomeryaddison-md]

I’m sure we’re both probably thinking the same thing: ‘Is this really happening?’ After everything we’ve been through trying to make this happen, we’d just about given up on having a baby at all…

I just hold onto my wife in this long embrace and I honestly never want to let go. I pull away just for a second to take everything in. I close my eyes and whisper, “Is this really happening?”

[t-altmancardio]

"Izzie says it is," I say softly as I look at the ultrasound photo sitting in my lap. This is all so amazing. So new. So risky. We worked so hard to get here and there is nothing that says we will see full term or anything close to that. I need to turn off my doctor brain.

[montgomeryaddison-md]

In The Beginning | Izzie, Teddy & Addison

[t-altmancardio]

Izzie leaves and Addison is staring at the ultrasound picture while I change. I'm in shock myself when she wraps her arms around me. I can't believe this is happening after everything.

[montgomeryaddison-md]

In The Beginning | Izzie, Teddy & Addison

[izziecups]

“I see the last appointment was inconclusive,” I comment as I dry my hands and pull on some gloves. “Teddy, if you lay back, we will just take a look with the ultrasound,” I explain. Teddy gets into position and I begin to perform the scan.

Her uterus appears empty. I don’t see anything at first. I will run her bloods again. “There it is,” I say after a long moment. “Right there is your little one,” I say as I point to the spec on the screen. “About five weeks.”

[montgomeryaddison-md]

“Yeah,” I reply. Inconclusive… we would’ve rather heard nothing from her. It was just another reason why we decided that it was enough. It hurts every time we get our hopes up and get them torn back down again. We’re just so tired. I don’t even try to get my hopes up anyway.

Teddy lays down as Izzie begins the ultrasound. I can feel my breathing hitch in my throat. It’s silent for a minutes until Izzie speaks up again. And when she does, at first I don’t believe her. “What?” escapes my mouth. I’m shocked. Soon after, the room fills with a faint sound of a heartbeat. I get up from my chair walking over to the monitor where she points out the baby… our baby. I reach for Teddy’s hand and I squeeze it softly, “Teddy, look… it’s… we…”

[t-altmancardio]

Izzie is quiet for so long that I just know this isn't good news, but then she announces that their is a baby that is about five weeks along. Addison closes the space between us as Izzie points out the heart beat.

"Does everything look okay?" I ask.

"Everything looks great," Izzie answered as she printed some pictures. "Just try to get as much rest as you can, and I'll see you for your ten week appointment"

[montgomeryaddison-md]

In The Beginning | Izzie, Teddy & Addison

Today’s the day. I slowly step out of her car closing the door behind me but when I don’t hear Teddy’s door close, I turn around to see her still sitting in the car. I smile softly getting back into the driver’s seat. I squeeze her hand softly, “Honey, whatever happens today… It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because we have each other.”

I just hope we get good news today. We need good news day. I don’t think Teddy can handle too much more of this… I don’t think I can handle too much more of this.

[t-altmancardio]

I didn’t sleep a wink last night. Hell, I am not sure that I slept much this past week. The rest of our lives hinges on what izzie is able to tell us today. I sigh softly as Addison gets back into the car for the moment. I am grateful for the support and I haven’t done a great time showing it.

“Thank you,” I say quietly.

[montgomeryaddison-md]

“No,” I shake my head when Teddy thanks me, “Thank you. I know how much we both want this and how upsetting it is every time we hear bad news… It’s been hard for me so I know it’s been even harder on you, you know.” I squeeze her hand softly and I wait until she’s finally ready to get out of the car. I get out of the car behind her and follow her into the hospital. We head straight for the elevators and up to OB. I’m so nervous that I’m shaking.

When I realize I’m shaking Teddy I laugh nervously, “Sorry… I just really want to hear some good news.”

[t-altmancardio]

I don't even know where my head is in all of this. I'm lost. Does the result even matter today? A nurse calls us into an exam room, and I get changed into a gown, knowing Izzie will need to do an ultrasound. What if the girls don't want a baby? What if there is a baby?

[montgomeryaddison-md]

In The Beginning | Izzie, Teddy & Addison

Today’s the day. I slowly step out of her car closing the door behind me but when I don’t hear Teddy’s door close, I turn around to see her still sitting in the car. I smile softly getting back into the driver’s seat. I squeeze her hand softly, “Honey, whatever happens today… It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because we have each other.”

I just hope we get good news today. We need good news day. I don’t think Teddy can handle too much more of this… I don’t think I can handle too much more of this.

[t-altmancardio]

I didn't sleep a wink last night. Hell, I am not sure that I slept much this past week. The rest of our lives hinges on what izzie is able to tell us today. I sigh softly as Addison gets back into the car for the moment. I am grateful for the support and I haven't done a great time showing it.

"Thank you," I say quietly.

[montgomeryaddison-md]

Small Steps Make Big Changes | Teddison

[t-altmancardio]

I pick at the salad in front of me. She needs me to be alright through this. I need to be okay through this. I can't completely lose control.

[montgomeryaddison-md]

Small Steps Make Big Changes | Teddison

[t-altmancardio]

"She should have just said nothing," teddy stated firmly. Nothing would have been better. Just a follow up with izzie would have been fine.

[montgomeryaddison-md]

Small Steps Make Big Changes | Teddison

[t-altmancardio]

"Just a lot on my mind, I guess," I offer with a shrug. I can't even put what I am feeling into words and that scares me. I wish I could.

[montgomeryaddison-md]

Small Steps Make Big Changes | Teddison

[t-altmancardio]

I am grateful when Addison places an order for us because I can barely focus my eyes on the menu let alone do anything else.  We can’t follow up with Stevens until later in the week.  There is nothing to know yet.  How can that be?  I don’t understand.  I glance around at Addison and around the place nervously.  

[montgomeryaddison-md]

Small Steps Make Big Changes | Teddison

[t-altmancardio]

“As ready as I can be,” I admit as I get out of the car and close the door.  I meet Addison around the back and we lace our fingers together as we head up the walk way.  I hold the door open for her, and we find a quiet table to sit at.  

[montgomeryaddison-md]

Small Steps Make Big Changes | Teddison

[t-altmancardio]

“French food would be great,” I agree as I buckle my seat belt.  Neither of us can bring ourselves to say it.  We can’t talk about it, not yet because there may be nothing to talk about.  

[montgomeryaddison-md]

Small Steps Make Big Changes | Teddison

[t-altmancardio]

“Food would be good,” I agree with a nod of my head as we get into the car.  I don’t know where we will go or what we would say to one another, but I am hungry.  I don’t know what to actually make of the news we just received.  

[montgomeryaddison-md]

Small Steps Make Big Changes | Teddison

[t-altmancardio]

“No questions,” I answer when Addison looks over at me.  We have been down this road before with nothing.  Or at least, it feels that way to me.  “Thanks for squeezing us in.”

[montgomeryaddison-md]

Small Steps Make Big Changes | Teddison

[t-altmancardio]

When the doctor comes in, Addie shakes her hand and then I do.  We are so hoping for good news, but I am not sure we will get it.  “Your HGC levels are elevated.  We can’t quite call it a pregnancy this early, but you’ll need to rest and take it easy.  We will retest and do an ultrasound later next week with Dr. Stevens.”

[montgomeryaddison-md]

Small Steps Make Big Changes | Teddison

[t-altmancardio]

I am grateful for Addison’s support when she takes me in her arms and says that this will all be alright.  I hate to feel that I have let the both of us down, but maybe, I really am too old for all of this.  When the nurse calls my name, I think about not getting up, but Addison gives my hand a squeeze.  I can manage this one last go.  

We get up and head for the triage exam room.  My blood pressure and weight are taken along with my temp before we are plac ed into an exam room to wait.  

[montgomeryaddison-md]

Small Steps Make Big Changes | Teddison

We’re at our OBs for what seems like the hundredth time since we started trying for a baby. Is it sad that I hope every time we do this is the last time? I know that IVF is hard but I didn’t realize that it would be this hard. I’m not even the one getting poked my needles and taking medication so I can’t even imagine the toll this who process has taken on Teddy. I completely understood when she said she wanted to take a break but the time has come back around again and that’s how we ended up here, in our doctor’s exam room.

Even after all of this, I’m still hopeful. I turn to look at wife and I squeeze her hand. I don’t want to get her hopes up again so I tried hard to hide how enthusiastic I am. I smile softly to her, “What happens today, just, we will get our baby. We will.”

[t-altmancardio]

My heart has been pounding against my chest since we arrived and I signed in t the front desk.  We took two months off from this, and I didn’t miss it.  I didn’t miss the medications, being shot up with hormones, and everything else.  Addison has been incredibly supportive of everything, all the way.  I couldn’t ask for a better wife, but she could.  

“I think this is it Addie.  I can’t do this anymore,” I admit softly as we wait.  Izzie is on vacation so we are seeing someone else today because my hormone levels are right to start the process of injections yet again.  Because we took a break, I have to come back in.  I have failed her.  This was my idea.