One Direction @t-e-a-payne - Tumblr Blog

rare gif of Louis and Harry after the Paris Interview

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my little brother came into my room last night to tell me that he was gonna sew a stack of my mom’s saltine crackers together through the little holes and then left again

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i ended up distracting my parents so he could put the crackers back in the little sleeve like hed only taken one from the top. i dont know if anybodys found them yet but i talked to him about it later and it turns out that theyre sewn together TIGHTLY. like. the ENTIRE stack through ALL the holes

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it has been three days and my mom has still not discovered the sewed together cracker stack in the box in the cupboard

ilivebetweenjohnsthighs

I’m DESPERATE to see the sewn crackers

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i have no idea how he accomplished this

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there seems to be some confusion on how old my little brother is. my little brother is 19, one year younger than me, and is an undergrad in uni. he just likes to cause problems on purpose

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it has been a month and two weeks since i made this post and i opened the cupboard today and noticed that the crackers were opened and a bunch had been carefully slid off the threads. i went over to my brother and was like ‘dude holy shit did she find them???’ and he was like ‘i dont know!!!’. cue my mom coming back down the steps wanting to know what we were saying about her. we had to tell her, and apparently this was what happened:

a week or so before, my dad, who is an EXTREMELY smart and well-read guy, found the crackers and assumed they were a manufacturing defect. like he told my mom that he thought it was interesting how the machines using thread to line up the crackers for the sleeves forgot to cut the thread before they went in the sleeve for the box. my mom was like ‘idk……i think i sense some shenanigans…..i dont know from who or how but theres some shenanigans going on in this house’ and he was like ‘no really thats so interesting how they must use thread to do stuff at the cracker factory’. he didn’t take the sleeve out before opening them up, and therefore didnt see the tape closing up the other side. when he came downstairs my brother took the sleeve out and showed him, and he was mildly surprised, like ‘huh i just assumed thats how they made the crackers lol’ and he just went on with his life. the cracker saga has been consuming me for the past month and after all that this was how it ended. idk what i expected but at the same time somehow this was a fitting end

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still reading frankenstein and i completely forgot that theres a part where victors wrapping up doing devious deeds on a sparsely inhabited island off the shore of england and he loads all his mad scientist shit into a rowboat and pushes off into the water and then fucking falls asleep with no navigational tools and when he wakes up hes like, adrift with no land in sight and hes like ‘FUCK my creation!!!!!’ even though the monster had absolutely nothing to do with getting him lost in the middle of the fucking english channel and he starts lamenting about how hes going to die and his family is never going to see him again and hes going to go to davey jones locker or whatever because hes been without potable water in a rowboat for like 4 hours and then he sees land and hes like ‘oh thank god im saved!!!’ and he gets to shore and is met with an angry mob who thinks he murdered someone and hes like ‘but where is english hospitality?????’ and theyre like ‘this is ireland you dumb slut’ and as theyre marching him to the magistrate hes like ‘i was still thirsty but did not want to show my weakness……’ like could you even imagine

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i took a class last year on the fall of the USSR. there was a whole module on chernobyl and how it contributed to the fall of the country. see, when chernobyl happened the government initially chose to cover it up instead of doing anything to help its citizens, so they only found out a ton of people had been exposed to nuclear radiation two weeks later when it was detected in another country and traced back to russia. when people realized just the amount of danger the government was willing to put them in for its own gain, they realized that the systems they had in place had long turned against them, and they lost a huge amount of faith in the powers that be. chernobyl was in 1986, the USSR dissolved in 1991. idk ive just been thinkin about that a lot lately

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Your mom’s not gonna discover the crackers until you’ve forgotten about it and the memory/realization is gonna hit you like a freight train.

honestly we are on day four of the sewn crackers being in the cupboard and it wasnt until this morning that i actually saw how he set it up. the box comes with four individually wrapped stacks. he turned the box on it’s side, opened it nicely so all four can be seen as soon as you open the cupboard, took one stack out of the sleeve, sewed it together, put it back in the sleeve, put a single loose cracker on top of the sewed stack, taped that side of the sleeve shut, and then put the untampered side of the stack facing out of the cupboard. so honestly i agree, i think he’s hidden it well enough that this is only gonna be revealed like, a month from now.

the longest ive ever personally gone without my mom finding a prank of mine was 4-5 months in high school. we had one of those stock canvas art pieces you get from the home goods section of the supermarket in our front room, in this case just a painting of a forest on a landscape. i took a picture of it, matched the colors in photoshop, added in a vague outline of what was obviously slenderman, rendered it in the same style as the painting, then printed it out, cut out the little piece, and taped it in so it matched perfectly between two of the trees. fast forward 4-5 months later and ive pretty much completely forgotten about it when i hear my mom scream downstairs and then start angrily yelling for me......gottem

2tiedships2

Brits 2012

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crazy how men can just exist and i am a carefully crafted performance piece

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no offense but

“Waiting to wrap your legs around me”

#harry styles

lesbianiconharrystyles

Ever Since I Tried Your Way (26k) E

@lesbianiconharrystyles / flowercrownfemme

written for @bhficfest

Harry had been kissed before, but never like this.

He’d shared sweet, curious kisses behind bleachers and in soda shop booths, one or two more daring ones in cars parked on dark suburban streets, but the girls he’d kissed had never filled him with the desperation that erupted from Louis’ touch. He parted his lips and pulled him closer, as though he could breathe Louis straight into his lungs, as if he could swallow him. He wanted to consume Louis the way he consumed the body and blood of Christ. He wanted to place Louis on his tongue and feel him dissolve into a frothy mess of starch and saliva. He wanted to gulp him down until his teeth were stained purple and he was drunk on him. He wanted him in some violent holy way that made his hands shake where they were twisted in Louis’ shirt.

In 1949 Harry left his bride at the altar, running away from the only life he’d known. When a kindhearted farmer offers him a ride in his truck and a place to sleep the two find themselves inexplicably drawn together. Isolated on Louis’ farm with nobody but a field of dairy cows to intrude, the men are finally able to explore the parts of themselves they’ve spent their lives hiding away.

#fic rec