A Collection of Experiences, Featuring Cute Wife

Ever felt confused and lost? There is no map, no path Wander away, my love

[t-enough]

May, 2026

Hope this helps.

[t-enough]

Bigger community than I would have made for myself, I’m happy to be here, there are really good people who compliment my life right now perfectly. Reevaluating old friendships is hard. It’s hard to scale-down a friendship that had lasted so long, ups and downs and sideways movements. As long as we can readjust, we can be friends for a long time. But also, sometimes things that aren’t good for you and can’t change with you, end. Hard to decide how much to push back, usually I bend down and become small to keep the peace. But now? 2026 Taryn? Idk, she kind of knows what she wants now.

[t-enough]

A toast to a life that feels good. You got this, warrior. You can be whatever you want.

[t-enough]

Feeling a little better since booking an interview with Third Place Books. That’d be so cool. Also, #1 in the league. Sah.

[t-enough]

Yes, I’m still here. No, I didn’t make any plans. So finding what works is just a process and I’m too timid to start it. I want to be bold and courageous and strong. Am I really going to move? Am I really going to STAY? Some of both I imagine.

This year has felt crazy. I’ve felt out of control and lost and angry and frustrated and bored and anxious.

Ever since moving here, and losing my distilling job, I’ve felt stagnated and like it’s difficult to enjoy where I am. I imagined other things that I’m more in control of. Not my house, would even be ok if I actually liked my neighbors, do not like bartending but it’s what’s keeping the income steady enough, leaving me with time on the weekdays that I’m spending trying not to spiral into depression. I had 2 bad episodes in the past 2 weeks. Trying to figure out what scary decision I’m avoiding or maybe I’m just trying to make a scary decision to reignite my adventure spark. Listen, all I think I know is that I feel unhealthily stagnated, and I am not spending my time trying to discover how far I can push myself if I keep trying hard things. I am not enjoying the life I have now. Because something inside says “this isn’t it. This isn’t where we stop trying and accept what we have. There’s more. There’s at least different for sure. Could my depression be alleviated by meds? Or would that just alleviate the tension the need in my life is demanding I pay attention to. Need for… control. And the other side of that coin is, acceptance. That’s my struggle that I find so all-consuming. That struggle within and all the symptoms of it, are what’s blotting out the joy I know I can feel. But it’s not a return to joy, as in a 23-year-old version of it. This journey to joy is the amalgamation of all 29 years. It looks and feels different because it is, by it’s nature. Honestly I’m rooting for you. And so is everyone that loves you. Which is a lot of people. Get on board.

[t-enough]

The waves are huge. But I’ve been in a storm before. I’ve had to weather them and come out alive.

Even though I know how to do this, how do I avoid storms in the future? I know you do not intentionally ride into a storm, but there are signs, warnings.

[t-enough]

Hey Taryn. I know your heart. And I know it’s not black anymore. You are really getting somewhere.

The experiences you’re having are showing you how many more levels you can step into, further inside the veil. And how much complexity they hold. And how you truly can’t hide the things you hope don’t matter. You hope you don’t have to deal with what looks impossible and makes no sense. But now that you’ve seen it, you won’t forget. That your life and your entanglements have an incredible journey still, filled with love and pain and growth. And damnit if growth isn’t harder and way less fun than I thought it would be.

What’s the best you can do? Don’t let yourself down.

The meaning? The point? Of it all? Cosmical? Comical.

So write poetry. And go to therapy. And go camping. And go to museums. And make art. And cook food. And make love and kiss tenderly. Please, don’t let anything stop you. It’s vitally important. You cannot live without loving yourself. And love, is taking care of someone.

[t-enough]

She realized the older she gets, the more difficult and essential the concentration on what’s important in that ever-fluctuating moment. Lose it, and things will slowly fall apart until you’re able to realize and halt that dissolution. Mindfulness is not as pointless as it seems. Beach walks count.

[t-enough]

A White Negroni

You hardly know me

But in my dreams

I taste pine trees

Bitter sweet

Again we meet

But night to day

You cannot stay

[t-enough]

The impromptu adventure is in my hands.

You don’t want to lose yourself,

Right?

[t-enough]

It’s all a little bit different now. Not much,

But as much as you want to make it.

Sometimes I have the strength to be the one to carry myself forward. It’s always been my job, I just didn’t realize how much work it was going to be, even when I don’t have the energy.

Self-care is completing all the tasks for myself that I don’t especially want to do. But there is also a gentle, soft side. A side where I do yoga and forgive myself and give myself hugs and walk myself to the beach. Quality time.

[cronenburger]

“One day the sadness will end.

But I don’t think today’s the day.”

David Lynch

[thatnordicguy]

lmao get loved loser

get absolutely fucking treasured

[t-enough]

It’s like reading a stream of consciousness journal but the signal keeps falling out so all you’re understanding is these vague out-of-left-field fragments.

[t-enough]

I made it up the mountain. Just like I said I wanted to do. Go Team Taryn. You fucking rock. Don’t be (blue), or (bury) your feelings, darling. Not anymore.

[t-enough]

New home. Alone with my husband. Sure we don’t own it. But I’m sure we’ll be happy together. In our little space. Everything placed intentionally. So near the beach and the city. Makes me excited for the future again. Goodbye Monroe house where everything happened. Let’s move forward. Let’s bring Xander. My 30s are coming soon and I feel good about where I am.

[t-enough]

The way things are (unfolding leaves) me feeling like a bystander in my own life. How did I come to feel so powerless? Making choices, it has to be one or the other; compromising the entirety of my position. Does uneven feel good? I assume it must feel better than being the one who always gets her way. Neglecting to remember there can be some of both, illusion created by ego, I’m sure. Cautiously tiptoe over others’ emotions, considering them and favoring them, my battery only briefly full and consistently low. It doesn’t feel very good.

Am I trying to find control in the wrong places? I am still unsure how to keep the battery charged. I am part of a whole, a marriage a community a family. I owe them my energy and time, all I have. But when do I choose myself over these commitments I cherish? What am I supposed to do with an empty bucket..

Get out of the house more, find a way to fill it up.