Well, she believes for sure that good only comes in limits. Then again, Hana was never the type of person to be patient with others therefore, she fails in that as well. All she asked for was nothing more than to obtain lunch with someone so she has an excuse to head out to wander out of the city. Not that she felt trapped around the walls that she sees too often but it was always nice to meet up with friends, once in a while. Her foot taps continuously over the polished pavement, the restaurant was behind her and she can inhale the subtle aroma that comes from inside.
❝Woman, hurry up.❞ Her whines were soft, hand lifted up when fingers glided over her temples in annoyance and how her stomach constantly made faint grumbles. It wasn’t helping, the way she’s losing her patience but she knows it’s been passed more than five minutes. At least that’s a decent excuse to point the finger at Minhee and tell her she owes her a drink or two when they finally settle into the seats she reserved for the both of them.
This is becoming a regular routine. Hana drops in, checks on Alaska to see if there’s anything happening and it results into her building up her emotions all over again. Because she can’t exactly be mad at someone who often turns to issues that were common in past lifestyle. In regards of smoking to her bad behavior, Hana sees it.
She can see herself through it all.
❝Don’t hide it.❞ Before she stepped into the apartment complex, the female clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth. Glancing around until her eyes reached over the familiar frame, constant fidgeting and her brows raised in question. She repeats those exact same three words, harshly and sternly. Considering it more as a fair warning before she takes action by clutching onto anything her hands can land on to throw it aside to look for the possession. ❝I know it’s here. You know why I can tell?❞
Sometimes, she thinks Alaska’s more thick headed than she was. Considering that it’s been months and their relationship lead to nowhere but a complete circle. Hana’s too observant, she can trace actions and habits that one makes. Leave it inside of her mind and use it against them whenever they try to push her buttons to throw her off the edge. Her index finger points directly at the other woman, pupils dilated and the heavy breathing is heard when the silence suffocated the both of them.
❝I see it. You’re on it, aren’t you?❞ Hana hopes her friend won't play stupid. It'd be difficult to do so when she knows the results herself when taking such substances.
❝Ah, you actually arrived!❞ A cheerful tone seeps out of his lips, her uncle who invited her into the home she used to show up when she was a child. He beams radiantly and she flashes a quick, closed lip smile. When stepping inside she absorbed the image of others staring her, a mixture of joy and astonished. Hana almost forgotten that she spent years isolating herself when growing up therefore, her family heard but never seen her in years until this day. Uncertain of the reason behind her appearance but at least she didn’t have to see her mother around.
Everyone spoke, whispered between their palms and the woman glances around in confusion. In attempt to figure things out but she shrugs it off casually. Others still looked the same, features were matured but there’s nothing out of the ordinary. The brunette roams around the large space, greeting those who were sitting or standing. Feeling out of place, slightly discomforting but she doesn’t pay attention to it too much.
❝She’s an actress now.❞
❝Can you believe it? After all these years.❞
Hana doesn’t need to question the pair of elders who were creating conversations about another, to figure out who they were speaking about. Her eyes roamed around, walking in long strides whilst peering from side to side. Wondering if Jinri was here since she hasn’t spoken or seen her ever since they were children. Most likely there’s a possibility of her not even recognizing her either. ❝Jinri...❞ The name emits out of parted lips, seeing the other woman being surrounded by a tiny group of relatives and family friends. Questioning her life as someone who actually gained success, like the rest of them.
This moment was nerve-wracking. Informing Jimin things was a challenge based off of overwhelming emotions and his dramatic reactions about the tiniest of things. Hana could inform him that she’s merely spending time with a guy friend and he paints an image as if she’s married to him with three children ( which was not the case, never would be. ) Her fingers fiddled with the phone in hand, dialed up his number whilst listening to the repetitive beeping given in return for her patience.
When it pauses, she assumes he answers. ❝Jimin, guess what? I’m goin’--❞
"The number you’re trying to reach is not available.”
Her expression is blank, her head tilting to one side and her emotions were plumped down to her stomach at that point. Hana repeats the process, dialed and calling but it’s the same message informing her that the phone was disconnected. She laughs it off, assuming she dialed the wrong number. Her eyes checked the digits, they were all correct but she questions what happened in such a short amount of time.
The brunette questions if it was her fault, if there was something she did wrong hence is why he’s acting this way. It doesn’t matter, she’s already calling a cab over towards the front of her apartment complex. Shaky hands grabbing the important necessities. Keys, wallet, phone. Wallet, phone, keys. Doesn’t matter at that point, she’s rushing out hurriedly with her sleeves practically falling off of her tiny shoulders. He should be home, that’s what Hana assumes first. Ignoring and isolating himself into the comforts of his room and she’s already informing the driver to drive to that location.
The amount of money was uncertain but it’s larger than what she’s supposed to give. He thanks her genuinely and she waves her hand off, silently notifying the older male that it was nothing to her. It isn’t concerning but when she’s rushing to the front of his door. Her petite knuckles tapped across the surface until they were etched into a faint shade of purple, blisters were formed and she’s sure there’s blood temporarily seeping out of it.
❝Jimin, where are you?❞ Pausing, the knocking becomes louder than the one’s before it. ❝This isn’t funny, I fuckin’ swear--❞
There’s a neighbor he once told her about months when he arrived to his new place. She recognized the old woman in the glimpse of her eye when she sees her walking out of the car that was parked on the drive way. Hurried, swift steps were placed onto the pavement in order to have a quick discussion with her. The older female probably knows her due to the numerous visits so she never becomes nervous when speaking to other people.
❝Has Jimin been around recently? If you’ve seen him.❞ Her heart’s beating out of her chest by now, so it feels like it. Almost puking her guts out at this point because she’s becoming more worried when the hours passed, she’s probably close to breaking her sanity.
The woman comes to a pause when listening, her smile is bitter and fake. Hana wants to snap it right off of those lips out of despair, from frustration. She hears an apology but she tips her head out of respect for giving an honest answer before she’s walking along the pavement once more.
When did he even disappear? Hana just wants to know.
Hana thought about it, asking others and if they knew such information. There was no point in asking at least right now. She finds it hilarious to her own dark humor that one moment she finds herself sitting besides him. On the bed and laughing at how childish he is over the same reasons during the same week. Only to find out on her own that he was missing. Doesn’t know what the reason behind it was, where he was and when this all happened.
Or why? Why did this happen?
Her body is lazily sprawled across the mattress, the sheets crumpled underneath her when she continuously shifts around in thought. Her eyes were finding difficulty in keeping open, her breathing becomes heavier with every sigh. Pupils are dilated but calmer than her state an hour ago when she was gulping down the bottle of Scotch in the kitchen while the glass breaking onto the floor in which she picked up within time. Mumbling questions and becoming angry only to result into her type of medication that doesn’t involve her taking one pill then gulping down water.
Palm grazes underneath her nose, feeling the numbness lingering and she’s guiding up the phone back to her ear. The phone number she’s been calling over and over again.
"The number you’re trying to reach is not available.”
❝I know.❞
She’s desperately seeking the voice she once recalls hearing in the afternoon or whenever she meets up with Jimin. There was nothing but silence after the reminder and suddenly she can feel it, that aching pain in her chest and how she’s repeatedly blinking to prevent herself from crying. But this time, no one’s around -- including him, she’s fine with crying on her own it’s better than regain sympathy over how vulnerable she is. The suffocation is closing in on her, Hana forces her eyes shut to let the last bit of tears stream down her cheeks. It hurts because it matters. She cries because she actually cares.
❝I just want you to come back home, is that too much to ask?❞
Hana hasn’t heard from the other woman in what seems to be like forever. She was genuinely concern about the other’s well being and what happened during the past week without notification of her disappearance. This happened once, it’s something she discussed with Daeun with sincere emotions without withdrawing her comments.
When she attempts to make contact, messages were failed to sent and voicemails were completely pushed aside. Disconnected and this wasn’t an issue she can laugh off. Hana cares too much about the older woman to do such a thing. She wanted nothing more than to hear her voice, wanting confirmation. To know everything is okay and ask for forgiveness for not being the good friend that she should be for the older.
❝Hello?❞ Calling out with a curious ring to her tone, after the past few rings it comes to a pause but there’s no response given yet. ❝Dae? Where are ya’?❞
The beat of her head was racing uncontrollably quick, her body begins to tense up at the thought that there could possibly be something wrong. Instinctively thinking, hence is why Hana didn’t have the opportunity to contact her for a while. It’s none of her business, she knows when to provide space so the other wouldn’t feel suffocated or pressured to tell a story. But for once, she feels the need to. To hear the honest truth any way possible.
– € for a bad memory that still haunts them requested by: svnburst
+ age period: seventeen.
When your mother teaches you the tiniest things in the world, you learn. Figuring out how to complete a puzzle with more than one hundred pieces. Learned the meanings behind flowers that grow beneath the grains of dirt and hues of green. Taught you how to dress nicely, to learn how to be yourself without the world scaring you to death.
She didn’t exactly teach you how to live without her.
There’s a distance that started to appear when she matured, when years past and she’s becoming a year older. Wondered what happened to the connection she had with her mother back when she was a child. Tossed a couple of harsh words in the mixture of heated arguments when she couldn’t get her way, teenagers -- they’re all so complicated. Hana was someone who looked up to her mother, wondered how she survived after the passing of her husband ( her father ). There were times where she couldn’t stare at Hana, when her features were molding more maturely but the same smile remains.
She overheard her mother tell her own sister that she smiles the way her father does.
Supposed she feels guilty, that her mother worries where she is. Only appearing at parties with her band members or another tiny concert at a local coffee shop down the streets of Incheon as well. Caught the habit of smoking near her window when she’s stressed out when her mother doesn’t listen to her reasons to why she does this or does that. They don’t speak so often, vague greetings and asking how the day’s been only to come to a silent dinner with the table forming distance physically. The older woman tells her own daughter to head out, have freedom since it’s only a matter of time before she graduates and starts making a life for herself.
Except, expectations and trying to please her own mother by doing things she didn’t favor wasn’t what Hana was going for.
Her mother questioned about the atmosphere she was surrounding herself in. Spending time with people who were a year or two older and she was swept away in the parties whenever they got into arguments over her passions or what she wanted to do for herself. After the third filled glass, she didn’t feel well. Must have been a bad stomach ache or the way she was running around, enjoying her time with music playing through the speakers. The drummer of the band lead her into his room, kindly placing her on the mattress of her bed and informed her to rest up a little longer. The position didn’t look appealing from an angle, seemingly appearing as if he was hovering on top of her with her arms resting on the shoulders when she was gaining balance when walking up the stairs. Someone blackmailed her that day, thought it’d be amusing to snap a photo of it and send it through out a group of people.
Hana comes back home the day after, when someone thought it was hilarious to spike her drink with a mixture of fruit punch and vodka.
News comes around fast. She’s well known for how musically gifted she was like her own father but sometimes images die faster the way the reputation does in high school. Hana’s mother saw it, heard from locals when she was visiting the local supermarket and the glint of anger was in the eyes when she saw her daughter walk in. Feet dragged along the carpet and she couldn’t process a proper word about it. Assumptions were thrown, saying that she slept with a friend and how she was purposely drinking to pass the time.
Coming across as a disappointment and how her father wouldn’t be all too proud of a daughter who feels the need to display weakness and vulnerability to find love.
Hana doesn’t speak back, simply listening intently and she feels the tears drip down her cheeks. There's no protest, despite the rough arguments and the difficult bumps on the road; Hana couldn't even find the exact words. Always learned from her mother to be someone who she should be perfectly okay of but she seems more of a mistake than a person. When she had enough, taking in a deep breath. A finger was pointing to the room she was currently residing in and the words, ❝Pack your things, honey and leave,❞ slides right out of her mouth. The woman who took her into care after her father passed away years ago. Stayed and taught her the best, showed her what should be done instead of wrong from right.
Hana knows that she really is difficult to love after all.
Waiting game at stores, how pleasant to experience. Not.
For Hana she has a difficult time having patience for people, five minutes was enough and her patience grew weary by then. Items were in the basket she carried within slim fingers, foot tapping onto the ground. Eyes following the other’s movements with a bland expression esting along her features. She isn’t blaming this particular woman for her moody behavior but she sincerely couldn’t handle waiting any longer at this point. The brunette has things to do, places to go. Schedules were more important and weekdays were too bland.
Teeth grazing down the surface of her tongue, her head inclined with free fingers weaving through dark tresses. Irritation was becoming more obvious by the minute but at least she’s learning how to keep her mouth shut when the time is appropriate to do so. Occasionally her eyes peer down at the watch wrapped around the dainty wrist. The arms moving slowly, seconds feeling more like minutes and she wanted the process to hurry up so she can pay and head out of the store by now.
It was a simple day, ordinary game of basketball between two teams and she wanted to tag along. Friend convincing her to join when she had nothing else to do and somewhere along those lines she heard the name that was chanting out through the crowds of people. Brows furrowing in mere confusion of who it could be as she starts to look around the players, seeing who reacted to it. Otani, that name. Hana knows that exact name. Recalling it easily when she heard it through the radio show she listens through during the time where she’s close to falling into a deep slumber for a few hours.
❝I know him.❞ Well not personally as friends or acquaintances but the woman knows him from the particular radio show she enjoys.
Her friend responded swiftly, her head incline towards Hana’s direction with a questioning look and she repeats the male’s name for reassurance causing her head to nod in response. Was it from the story that was told that time? Her head shakes as a truthful reply. She was only intrigued by the story due to hearing her name a few times, it wasn’t about her but it sparked curiosity of who it was. First love, anything that was considered important to someone always caught the young female’s attention easily.
It was their break, preparation for the last half of the game. Hana’s unintentionally staring longer than expected to where she felt the pair of his own gaze falling right into hers and gradually her eyes flickered over to one corner. Another direction but his own with fingers fidgeting between one another. Trying not to appear nervous but rather uneasy to be caught doing such an action that might give the latter the wrong impression.
