Forever Young (not) || Self Para
But no, her father insists on calling her Jaqueline. Wondering how her mother could live, let alone marry someone like that, Jack began swaying on her feet, (might as well do something to keep herself busy) trying to get her father's attention.
He always called her pathetic because of that; wanting his attention. She never understood why it was pathetic but it was, apparently.
Finally, her father cleared his throat and glanced in her direction for just a moment. Not the best of introductions but she'd take it; it was better than anything her mother ever gave her. “Did you come here to just stand there and look pretty?” He spoke like it was an insult but Jack took it as a compliment.
Giving him a shy grin, Jack looked almost hopeful. “You think that I'm pretty?”
She wouldn't care what his answer was, she had heard it all. “No.” Except for that. She pouted at him, but he didn't react to it (or he just didn't care to show his reaction – same thing to her father). Instead, he gestured towards the seat opposite him. “Sit.”
Jack began to frown (deeply) and took a step back towards the door, already forgetting why she even came here in the first place. “I don't –“
He didn't let her finish; he never did, just interrupted her when he felt like it. She wondered what he would do if she punched him in the nose. “It wasn't a request.” The raising of his eyebrow made her think again (about leaving) and she sighed, walking not-so-gracefully and plopping herself down on the chair opposite him.
The chair was small, smaller than her father's chair. Jack remembered Delilah and her talking about it; Delilah said that he made his chair bigger to make him seem bigger than he already was. It's a wonder that Jack hadn't already ran to her room, crying, because of how intimidating the man was.
She remembered doing that once. Only once; she was... taught not to do it again. “Should I be remembering something?” After the long silence, her father spoke. He was probably expecting her to speak first (she was guilty of that on more than one occasion, she'd admit to that) but she surprised him.
He doesn't like surprises.
Looking down at her feet, Jack noticed how tense she was. Though her feet seemed to be the opposite; all fidgety and stuff. “Yes.” She said, as if it was obvious. Which it was.
Both his eyebrows raised this time. “Oh?” At least he had the good decency to look surprised. Jack wondered if this was where Delilah got her... coldness from – scratch that, Jack knew this was where Delilah got her coldness from. She also wondered what he felt about the fact that Jack was the only daughter left in the family.
Though she never really knew how her father felt about Mary dying, it seems he cared for none of his children. Except for John, John was always the favourite. Maybe it was something to do with John coming from a different mother.
Probably.
Her father sighed, his patience waning. The look he was giving her made her shiver. “Is this going to be a game of twenty questions, Jaqueline?” She began frowning again; he didn't remember. “I don't have time for games.” She wanted to ask if he had time for his family, she really did. She wanted to ask if he ever regretted treating his family so badly; two of them have already died and they weren't even twenty five yet. Then another one of his children tried to kill him.
She wanted to ask him if he ever blamed himself for the things that happened in the family. But she didn't; Delilah taught her well in that area.
Instead, she asked the question that (added to the twenty questions game) Jack wanted to know if her father would know the right answer to. “Do you know what day it is?” He always seemed to have the right answer for everything.
He didn't waste time in answering the question; he seemed too eager for this 'twenty questions game. “Saturday, the first of November 2014.” The response was mechanical and Jack really wondered what would happen if she punched him in the nose. She hoped that it would bleed; that it would be broken; like his family. Only Jack was the one that broke his nose.
Her father was the one that broke the family.
Jack could feel her inner child trying to claw out; mostly out of her eyes, the tears were begging to drop. She didn't let them. She didn't want her father to get the satisfaction of making her cry; Delilah was the only one to get that privilage. Maybe Matt too. “It's Mary's birthday.” She spoke, simply. Which is what it was; simple. How could he forget his own dead daughter's birthday?
Jack decided that it was because he had no heart. Although, she watched as his expression change from mildy annoyed to stone cold; it made her shiver in fear; it made her think that he was going to hurt her. His head tilted downwards and she could tell that her father had changed from James Daniels to a predator and she had changed from Jaqueline Daniels to prey (that's what she thought her father was thinking, anyways). She had to keep her voice from shaking. “Aren't you going to –“
His voice though – his voice was low; threatening; angry; hurt... “What do you want Jacqueline?”
She wanted to scream at him. What didn't she want? She wanted Delilah back; she wanted to see Marissa again; she wanted to see Hayden again; she wanted to see Marley again; she wanted to know what Mary was like; she wanted to know why Delilah decided to walk out onto a train; she wanted to know why her father felt the need to move Delilah's grave; she wanted her father's approval.
Although, she figured that what she wanted most, was to grow up. Delilah hadn't let her grow up, which was fine with Jack; Jack didn't want to grow up. Now... now she had to grow up. She remembered what Matt had said to her when her father demanded that she came home (which wasn't home, more like a house); 'This is a dog-eat-dog world, Jack, and everyone has bigger teeth than you.'
The thing that scared Jack was that it was true.
Maybe she could make her teeth sharper, at least for right now. She found that she wanted to grow up now; she wanted to compete with her father; she wanted him to think of her as his equal. “Did you know that most animals show their teeth as a threat; a display of aggression and leadership?” What she said reminded her of what was happening right now and Jack swore that she saw the corner of her father's mouth twitch. “It's to tell the enemies that those clenched jaws can and will rip your throat from your neck.” Her voice was still shaky, she was still frowning but she was getting her point across, which was all that mattered.
Biology lessons aside, not even her father could deny the look of amusement on his face; even if it was just a ghost of what amusement should look like. Jack wondered if her father liked Delilah being gone, maybe what he wanted was for Jack to grow up. She thought about that for a second and imagine Delilah scowling at her (for feeling so hopeful).
Her father's face turned emotionless again, even if a little curious. “I don't see how that relates to what you want.” His eyebrow raised and he tilted his head in gesture for her to keep talking; she liked that. He wanted her to talk, which never happened before.
Keeping the silence for a few moments more, Jack licked her lips and looked her father in the eye. It was hard; they were intimidating eyes. Another shiver ran up her spine but she held the eye contact, she had to. “I want you to think of that the next time I smile.” She felt relieved; happy; proud, even.
She wondered if that was what being grown up felt like.
It looked like her father was about to say something again but Jack got up before he could say anything and scurried towards the door, glad to be rid of that man. For now, at least. She gave a sigh of relief and was on her way.
What she didn't realise was that her father was grinning at her retreat; her remark about her smile. Yes, she was growing up now and that's always the best time to sculpt – mould – people to just the way you want them to grow up; it just so happened that her father wanted her to grow up into a female version of him.
Going by the way she appeared to be a child, looking to talk with her father, when she entered the room and she left the room with a threat. No one ever threatened James Daniels before; he loved it.
Yes, Jaqueline Daniels is growing up nicely.