i.
"come on, you've been working hard. take a load off."
A rich statement, one that draws a grumble from Nel, a dismissive wave of her hand following the coddling that she feels she's receiving. As expected, however, it only brings a smile from Olesya-- along with a ruffling of her hair; it draws a scowl from her, along with a swat of the hand. There's no one else in the universe that is her sibling aside from Rafal, but she cannot help but wonder...
Is this what it was like, to be held under an elder sibling's wing? To be treated as a child, even when proven time and time again that Nel is more than worthy of her independence. Yet Olesya knows nothing of that, does she? Nothing of the vicious battles, nothing of the bid for a Father's approval that would never come.
Nel has no sister. She never will.
This is merely an illusion, a means to an end. A shrug of her shoulders follows, along with a sip of a strange drink from a can-- and she allows her eyes to fall shut with the memory of a cocky, affectionate grin on her companion's face carved into her mind.
-
"I am pleased to see that you are taking your rest where you can find it."
Softened features and eyes crinkling at the corners as her lips turn upwards into a smile, Nel's arms remain crossed over her chest as she peers over at Rafal busying himself with some sort of task that holds all of his attention. It's endearing, the way that he grumbles to himself as his sister makes her way over, peering over the slope of his shoulder to take a look at whatever it is that he's begun.
She's hit with the urge to place a hand on the top of his head, the desire to card her fingers through his hair gently. A rare surge of affection, and briefly, she wonders: what would he do? Feign his disapproval, and pretend that he's annoyed? When Nel knows better than anyone else that the pink that would dust his cheeks means that he doesn't truly despise it?
It's easy, to give in for once. To gently ruffle the snow-white hair that she could spot from a mile away, a fond chuckle escaping before she opts to finally free him from her affections.
ii.
"you wouldn't be willing to just run away, would you? stow away to the day side or move off-planet, change your name… ?"
What is there for her to lose in this?
To agree with Lisia would be to surrender this fight that doesn't concern herself, and to stow away in a safer place where neither of them can be harmed by the contraptions of this world. Regardless of the fact that Nel doesn't belong to the narrative spun here, the truth remains that... she cares, to some degree. Perhaps not in the same manner that the other woman does, unable to be fully invested when the stark reminder remains that her other half is not here. Not by her side where he belongs, and her at his.
But there's no denying the fondness that flashes in the depths of Lisia's eyes, one that Nel knows she's donned on her own face. One that reflects nothing but a love that runs deeper than anything else... and she has to turn her head to look away.
If she stares too long, perhaps that would be reflected in her own gaze; and to do so would be a disservice to the life she truly leads.
-
"We severed ties with our father during the last war. We now fight against our misguided kin."
To defy Sombron's will is to forfeit your life. Nel knows this well, in the way that she sees his oppressive rule and how any defiance is squashed far before it turns into any desire to rebel. Today is not the first time she's seen a fellow Fell Dragon torn to shreds at his hand, and she knows it will not be the last.
The vivid image remains in her mind, even as she lays on a dirty blanket with Nil tucked safely into her arms. As always, the stench of blood and death lingers in the air throughout the hallways of Gradlon Temper, a perfect offering to the Fell God's perverse love of carnage.
"Nil... We should leave." A matter-of-fact statement, knowing damn well that it's not that easy. To leave now would to be hunted, to be chased to the ends of Elyos with the sole intent of being mauled until nothing remained of their bodies.
Yet somehow, that's still better than the life they're leading now. But she cannot even begin to stomach the idea of Nil's lifeless body before her, his story ended before it ever truly began. Her grip on him tightens, face nuzzling the top of his head as she inhales deeply.
We will have our time together. This will not be our life- I will find a way.
If that means that she has to obey and endure, then so be it. She will do anything for him, without a second thought. Her duty as an elder sister, to become his shield... one she takes without hesitation.
iii.
"but if something endangers any of you, you know i'll do what i have to."
Words for someone who intends to be a martyr at the end of the day. Nel's brows cant downwards enough to cast a shadow over carmine eyes, the long pause that follows making the atmosphere tense in nearly an instant. She's had this conversation before-- how there can be no equal if one constantly stands in front of the other to deflect harm.
She wants to have it again. She wants to remind the other that there is no inequality between the two of them, and that--
A click of her tongue interrupts the train of thought, turning her back to the other. Nel is no child; she hasn't been for a long time. But somehow, with the way that Olesya breaks through her walls... perhaps she feels like a young fledgling dragon again, just learning how to spread her wings and fly. Instead of expressing any of that sentiment, what comes is an indignant squawk that sounds eerily familiar to a certain brother of hers.
"I am not a child!"
-
"If we are two halves of a whole, then I must protect you as well."
A jagged gash over the right side of her hip, mere inches away from being able to pierce through vital organs. Even a dragon cannot evade death in this manner, and the fact that it missed is a direct reflection of a similar encounter that Rafal held before. It's a drastic measure to get through to him, surely... but the fact that they both sport matching scars is a testament to the love they hold for one another.
If there's a hint of a self-satisfied smile on her face, then there's no one around to point it out. Instead, her palm rests over the space where that scar lays, knowing full well that it's reflected in her other half. A physical reminder that there is nothing they are not together in, and evidence of her desire to protect.
It's easy to die for someone. A single slice of a sword, or an arrow straight to the chest. It's much harder to live for someone, to persist through thick and thin, happiness and sadness.
But she'll bear that burden for the rest of her days, simply for the chance to fit their hands together once again-- molded perfectly to the other's.
iv.
"and every breath that you'd give to defend us, we'd do the same tenfold. that's what it means to be 'family'."
Drinks shared under moonlight had become more common than not, and it's far easier than it should be to fall into laughter with someone that Nel shouldn't know. Perhaps it's the fuzziness that's afflicting her, or perhaps it's the fact that she's spent too long in this world: but it's... refreshing. Yet underneath it all, that same dread remains-- this will not last, and there will come an end.
When she flops to the side on the couch shared with Olesya, there's a grumble of protest as some off-handed comment is overheard. Fatigue pulls at her bones, at her mind, and it feels as if every muscle in her body is made of lead. It would be so, so easy to simply drift off here, safe in the presence of another... and it's second nature to close her eyes.
Nel hears those words. She's not quite asleep, conscious enough to process what's being said-- and it all strikes a chord deep within her that hits a little bit too close to home.
-
"Let us fight to hold on to what has become so dear to the both of us."
"your precious twin? the one you yearned to protect that you fled our father and risked all?"
Rafal never sleeps as deeply as she does. It's a habit long since borne of their upbringing and circumstances, and Nel knows well enough that he is always the first to rise-- restless at even the smallest of harmless noises, ingrained into his very being that threats may very well surface at a moment's notice. As his elder, she finds it slightly amusing (yet alarming, in some ways) that she's able to drift off into a deep sleep that is rarely disturbed unless done so purposefully.
There's still nights, where the two of them lay side by side, and she watches the light rise and fall of his chest. Where she remembers that she would dedicate every breath, every heartbeat to ensuring his wellbeing... and that he would do the same for her. There's no words for her to speak, because she knows full well that they would wake him-- and even the slight movement of her hand to brush against his cheek is likely enough to disturb him.
For the other half of her, for her one and only brother... there is no sacrifice too great.
v.
"I was happy to be a sister to you."
Choked through shaky breaths, the feeling of life leaving her limbs, her lance pierced straight through her abdomen. The last thing she sees is Nil's face twisted in agony and disbelief, and even as she asks for his true name-- she doesn't get to hear it.
Eyes settled on an unmoving body even as the world falls apart, regrets and words unspoken creating a void in her chest that will soon not exist-- along with herself. She doesn't get to tell Nel, one last time, exactly how important she had been to her.
"For my part... I would rather die than lose anyone else."
