aamukaste: morning dew.
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aamukaste:morning dew.
The gleamingcrystals kiss the leaves and flowers awake. Beads basking in the vivid light and heat of the morning sun. In the summer’s end.
There’s a thunder that sits beneath her chest. She hadthis one before, a good kind. Athunder that you’d love to watch on a night by the window, letting the noiseengulf the silence. But this thunder inside her right now is wrecking throughthe entirety of her body. A ray of a new day sliced through her slumber,the curtains of her eyelids slowly opened to a reality that has been masked bythe night prior.
A reality thatceased to matter in a fleeting moment of a bliss – one fed by alcohol, tensionand the raging emotions which have been bottled up for a long time.
You don’t bottle up your feelings because once a crackforms, it will surely explode.
Oh how they did.
When his face emerged into her vision, a lightningstruck inside her, finest of hair arose, hands instinctively grasping tightlyto the white sheets that prevented the night’s cold to seep into her bare skin.There’s no need to look underneath. She could see his wide shoulders bare in his proximity, shecould feel the draft of the air conditioner sift through her exposed skin – shecould feel her own body freeze in disbelief.
He is still unaware. Eyelashes fluttering in a dream, oblivious to the storm they had bothbrewed together.
Why me, Joowonah?Silence.
It’s you. Noreason. Just you.Silence.
People always told her that she’s nice, that she may bethe nicest person they’d ever met, because of her genuine smiles, because ofhow she views people, how she sees the good in them, how she makes sure toextract happiness for them. What was all these niceness for? It’s not true.
You’re cruel. You left him atthe edge of the cliff. You went back tohim. You faced him at that same cliff. And when his handsreached for you, you pushed him.
No. IndeedI pushed him, but I followed him after.
See how you’redoomed?
The vapors of their emotions were to be blamed. Theycoalesce into dew - mystical opaque beads formed on a night when temperaturesof opposite ranges meets. An earthly presence. Almost real.
An ephemeralgrace.
What am I to you?
I haven’t foundthe answer yet.
Let me show you.
She thought she already knew. Nothing ever comes good withalcohol. Why haven’t you learned yourlesson? There’s a shadow of the coolness that stands still. He gleefully removed that chill. At the expense ofwhat?
What have you done, Haebitna? I don’t know! I don’tknow… I just… don’t know anymore!
But I think Ialready know my answer.
She looks at him, thelast time she could look at his face without all the guilt swimming and drowningher. It’s easy to take advantage of people; she never intended to, but now she’staking advantage of his unconsciousness, of the oblivion provided to him bysleep, of the naivety and the rawness of his affections that she could not fitinto her heart, of the kindness and concern that he had given her – she took them all tofill her in. She takes his affections but could never return the same. She’dgive him love, always. But not the one he seeks from her.
Let me takeadvantage of that pure love, one last time.
It’s selfish.
I know.
You’re cruel,Haebitna.
“I’m sorry.” Ahushed whisper through gritted teeth, choking on her whimpers when the realitysettles into her, and the dew returns into vapor as the morning has precededpast dawn.
Morning dew. Pearls of the morning sun. Scattered in ashimmering arc until they grew so heavy.
Dew drops on her cheeks. Dew drops on her skin. Untilit evaporates from the heat of her body.
Let’s forget allof these.