☁ DOUBT ...
@rkgunhee
as he’s pulling on his trusty blue blazer, jaebum steps in front of his full body mirror and straightens his clothes. he sighs and sweeps back his hair with his hands. he’s nervous but he reminds himself it’s just dinner with his parents and chuseok has never really been a big deal to him because his parents never truly celebrated it.
... but it’s more than that.
he knows the dinner will fall silent as he’s asked the usual questions like how school is going or if there’s a girl in his life. again, he reminds himself that his parents will love him unconditionally, respect his wishes and aspirations but regardless he’s uncomfortable with dictating these things as though speaking them will only solidify his worries and force them to become more alive.
this is why he’s pulling along gunhee, whom he hopes will help divert his parent’s questions or at least he’ll be more confident to avoid them in gunhee’s presence. maybe he’ll blame his inability to answer as a polite gesture to gunhee -- as not to make the dinner conversations boring for him; assuring them with his usual “later”.
he knows exactly what he’s doing; suppressing unsaid things farther between himself and his parents but he doesn’t care. he’ll deny them until he dies from exhaustion -- it’s the only way he knows how to function. he wonders if his parents can see right through him or worse, if gunhee can. he suddenly can’t handle the thought or pressure of thinking that people are already worrying about him.
as he texts gunhee that he’s on the way to the restaurant, his mind is racing but he forces himself into composure.