生き甲斐

im jaebum; twenty, seoul producer & dancer

[rkjb-blog]

☁ CATBLOCKED ...

[rkjb-blog]

rkparks:

✎ …

jaebum waits for jinyoung to enter before he closes the door, parting them both from what’s seemingly the rest of the world. he turns back to jinyoung and leans himself against the door, his palms rest flatly against it. with the distance he takes the time to stare at jinyoung, drinking him up slowly. his thoughts run aimlessly throughout his brain and he realizes can’t make sense of them so he doesn’t try. instead he basks in this strange emotion that eats him alive whenever he’s with the other. 

jinyoung’s question comes and it raises jaebum’s eyebrow. he momentarily wonders how to answer this question; the answer is simple but the truth is hard. he can’t deny his past but he doesn’t really know if it’s totally relevant. since he’s been with jinyoung, it’s only been jinyoung. “why? are you jealous or something?” 

he uses his hands to push himself off the door, “i can’t really remember the last person i was with. it’s been... only you for awhile now.” he stands in front of jinyoung for a few brief moments before he sits next to him. his words are half a lie; he can remember the last person he was with ( rose ) but it has been only jinyoung for a while now. he finds jinyoung’s eyes and smiles a little embarrassed. 

he suddenly feels the need to ask for permission, “can i kiss you now?” 

[rkgunhee-blog]

☁ KITTEN 1/5

[rkjb-blog]

rkgunhee:

gunhee feels awkward at the door and starts to tug on the sleeves of his hoodie.  they’d been through some ups and downs the past few weeks, the last down leading to a long stint of not talking that gunhee hasn’t really experienced since jaebum left the country in the first place.  it’s left him out of sorts, but if there’s anything that gunhee couldn’t be worse at, it’s making up after a fight.  with the anxiety that always hangs over his head and makes his shoulders heavy, gunhee’s almost thankful that jaebum reached out first.  his eyes scan the crate, feeling his throat swell in his throat knowing that jaebum thought of him that much to see gunhee in a kitten that shared his dose of bad luck.  he clears his throat as he tries to speak, but it doesn’t stop his eyes from growing misty at the thought. “ you what?” he takes a look back into the mess that’s his apartment and wonders if it’s even possible to take care of a kitten here when his life is already havoc in the first place.  ( but he’s always wanted one to call his own, so gunhee can’t bear to turn him away. ) “ yeah… yeah, you can come in.” 

“i saved you a kitten. if you still want it...” he repeats, shyly. he walks through the threshold and the kitten mews at his side. “i would have brought some food and stuff but i figured maybe we could go out and get it together? like a kitten shopping spree?” he opens the metal front and carefully grabs the kitten from within it’s plastic carrier. the kitten cries as jaebum passes it to gunhee. “here, why don’t you hold it? this one’s really sweet from what i can tell. but it’s a black one and they’re super vocal -- just like nora. so, get ready for loud cries when it’s hungry or wants to come into your room at three in the morning.” jaebum chuckles. he takes a moment to watch gunhee, he’s not sure if he should apologize or if the kitten is enough of a statement. “what do you say? kitten spree? i’ll buy whatever you need since i just sprung this little baby on you. it’ll be like a baby shower, party of three,” he says petting the top of the kitten’s head and waiting for gunhee to reply. 

[rkjb-blog]

rkchungha:

[ outgoing: bighead 🙄 ] — hey. you know… i’m always up for free food. — i mean that would be a great birthday present — wink, wink — you’re just fine. i don’t like birthdays all that much anyway. 

[ txt. >> ch*ngha ] ➝ yeah, i guess does anyone who’s not turning six like birthdays...  ➝ let’s get food though, it’s the least i can do.

[got7europe]

countdown to jb’s birthday: D-1 ↳ abc’s of jb: z is for zero flaws

[rkjb-blog]

would you snatch rose from kang joon if you had the chance to do so?

“the answer to that is unfortunately no. like i said before, i think we missed our chance. we’re both with people we like now, right? that’s really all there is to it. if things were different, like if i hadn’t met jinyoung or if we hadn’t made that first awkward step to what is now our relationship, then maybe. but i also don’t really believe in stealing people away from happiness. especially not rose.” 

now answering honesty hour questions! 

[rkjb-blog]

would you marry jinyoung?

“like now? or eventually? we’ve just started dating or calling ourselves each other’s boyfriend. c-can’t we just leave it at that? at least for now,” he laughs nervously. this is honesty hour though, so he broods for a moment before continuing. “i guess, it also depends. legally, i can’t even. and like let’s say that jinyoung and i... our relationship is successful, what if we’re both idols by that point? or at least we want to be successful musicians? you can’t do that and be a guy who likes being with other guys. you can barely be a guy who likes being with other guys and be a normal everyday person. at least not in korea. it’s just... you can’t. although nowhere is really that accepting towards queer people. really we’d have to move back to the states but like i said, what if we’ve both made our homes permanently in korea by that point? and who would want to move to america right now anyways? definitely not a gay couple.” he laughs softly. “not to say, i wouldn’t give up anything to be with jinyoung because i really think i would. but the world has to change a little for us to be able to wear that part of ourselves proudly.” he shrugs sadly. 

now answering honesty hour questions!

[rkjb-blog]

what would you do if you woke up tomorrow as a woman?

“kiss jinyoung in public.” 

now answering honesty hour questions!

[rkjb-blog]

your childhood crush, if any?

“does seolhyun count? we were really children then. but i mean she wasn’t really a crush but actually my girlfriend. it almost seems as though our relationship was too short and sweet to really count as a relationship though. and it did crush me to leave her. i’m gonna go with... seolhyun counts.”  

now answering honesty hour questions!

[rkjb-blog]

what was a dream in the past that stood out to you in particular?

jaebum pauses to think. “i don’t know if i’ve had a dream that’s stood out to me. i feel like i can never really remember my dreams wholly. it’s just like those bits and pieces and whatnot. i always have dreams about zombies, or at least i did. i wonder if that has any significance...” 

now answering honesty hour questions!

[rkjb-blog]

If you could magically impose a new rule on reality, what would it be?

he sighs, “what a question. i’m not sure… maybe that our pets could talk. i’d love to hear what nora has to say. or maybe not. i feel like she’d also have a lot of judgment to serve. so yeah, maybe not.” he laughs. 

now answering honesty hour questions!

[rkjb-blog]

` ROGUE ONE

@rkjckson

there’s nothing quite like going to see a movie in the movie theater. he wonders if the novelty of sitting in a dark room with strangers and a bucket of popcorn in his lap will ever get old but he thinks ( hopes ) absolutely not. especially when movies like rogue one exist. he almost hates giving into the hype but star wars has been a childhood favorite. he can’t even count how many times he’s seen the full series ( even the trash prequels ). 

he takes jackson to this particular screening. he knows that his friend shares the same feelings about the star wars franchise and he’s lucky to have someone to attend with him ( he’s lost track of how many times he’s gone to the cinema alone ). 

when the credits roll across the screen, he feels a little light headed. he only thinks, ‘what did i just watch?’ his inner film critic tells him there’s a few things he didn’t really like about the movie but his inner film buff tells him that rogue one is one of the best things to be flashed before his very eyes. maybe it’s the return of darth vader to the big screen because that last scene literally steals his breath. he has so many thoughts, so many things to talk about, which is why he’s glad he has jackson.

“okay, thoughts?” jaebum asks as they’re walking out of the theater to catch a cab back to jaebum’s apartment. “i don’t even know where to begin. i feel like that was too much to even process so i gotta know what you’re thinking.” 

[rkjb-blog]

rkjb’s inbox is empty! so i’ll be moving onto rkhani’s account. like this if you’d like me to send you another question and i’ll get to sending them when i’m finished clearing out hani’s inbox! 

[rkjb-blog]

when did jb and rose sleep together?

“we slept together throughout the duration of our... i guess you’d call it a fling?” he questions the label. “... at the beginning of this past summer. it was mostly physical... until it wasn’t anymore. then we called it quits. although i don’t remember who ended it. maybe it was mutual.”

now answering honesty hour questions!

[rkjb-blog]

who's your favorite cousin?

“seoyoung of course! i’m so relieved that we’ve recently connected and to have some kind of family. i truly couldn’t ask for a better person to be attached to that title.”

now answering honesty hour questions!

[rkjb-blog]

is there a person you trust so much you can tell them anything?

“probably chungha or gunhee. though i feel like both of these people know that sometimes, it’s better not to ask,” he laughs. 

now answering honesty hour questions!

[rkjb-blog]

has there every been a song/book/movie that stood out to you as your life story? on the other hand, if your life is written into a song, what genre would it be, and why?

“wow, um. i don’t think i’ve ever seen or heard the theme of my life in media form. i can’t even come up with an idea. but if my life was written into a song, i think the genre would be r&b -- just because that’s my favorite. or hip-hop, either or ...”

now answering honesty hour questions!

[rkjb-blog]

what spurred you to become a producer, or to get involved in music altogether?

“i like creating things. like taking bits and pieces, putting them together to create something new and fresh. there’s a silver lining, i suppose, in being a broken teen looking for people to take me home in underground clubs. i wouldn’t ever have been introduced to the music scene in seoul and i wouldn’t have started b-boying which wouldn’t had led me to meeting a variety of music artists. if i hadn’t been hanging around in clubs instead of doing homework, i could definitely not be a producer right now. 

“i learned so much about hip-hop then; how it started from just disjointed disco tracks in the 70′s... hip-hop is just so inspiring. there is no way i could have heard about it and not slipped into the scene. i truly love it so much.”

now answering honesty hour questions!