#;memory fagments

[vindicavi-blog]

[Memory fragment: Out and Cold.]

          "Mother, you should stop…" I said under my breath, staring at her. She looked worse today. She didn’t even bother to fix her hair, or change her clothes, or anything. Since last night… Gods. "…Ah! How about I make you some stew? Would that be better?" I asked, trying to keep my mind together.

          "No," blunt and cold, thrown back to me. So I see. Everything has reached to the point where nothing could be fix anymore. Hah… I’ve seen this coming from miles away. But why… Why is my heart aching? Why is there a stinging feel in the back of my mind?

Should I kick it to break it? Or desperately glue it together? It wouldn’t be like how it used to be, still.

"Are you sure, Mother? H-How about some tea—?" "I SAID NO!"

          Splash! She threw her shot of liquor at my face. It then fell down and broke. Dripping. The alcohol dripped on from my soaking wet clothes. Dammit. That hurts… That stings. My eyes burns with this. But… is it because of the alcohol, or is it because of the… No, it couldn’t be. I’ve gotten through this. You’ve done this, Amelia. You can—-….

No. No I cannot. I’ve had enough. I can’t stand this anymore. This play… I’ve watched too many times now. Encores have happened. It’s time for curtain’s call.

          "Mother, snap out of it. You’re being ridiculous," I finally spoke up, "So what if he left you? Was he even worth it? Look at you! You’re stink, soaked in the smell of alcohol. You look worse than the lady next door! You—!!"

                            SLAP!

          "…Shut up, you cursed child. You have no right to judge me! You’re nothing but a thrown out trash that should have stayed thrown out. You’re nothing but—…."

          …What was that? I couldn’t… hear her words anymore, they sound so distant. Standing in front of me, was a woman, but… who is she? She’s not my Mother. And now that I look at it, this… isn’t my house. Where am I? Shouldn’t I be back… ‘home’?

          Clenching my fists, I lowered my head, letting my messy bangs fell and loomed over my face. I stood still and stared at her through this veil of hair, watching her bashing and smashing everything we had, like a madwoman. But I suppose… the objects aren’t the only thing she had broken. This is…

           I brought up my hand up, gently touching on my cheek. Only a gentle touch, but it stung. It hurt like hell. This is the first time ever, that you have hit me, isn’t it, Mother? Ever since I was born, as long as I can remember, this is the first time you’re violent on me.

I see.I understand now. This is a sign for me to leave, isn’t it? Very well, Mother. I shall do as you please. I will leave you be, with your wonderful life and your wonderful man.

          It was a long time, but the time had come for me. I was glad I have the sanity to patiently wait for it. Heh. Now as the light has gone out, the fireplace has finished burning down the woods, and she’s sleeping soundly in her room. I threw on my bag. I looked at the room once again. Empty. And cold. A smirk came to my face for some reason. Heh. I suppose it’s only natural. I’m satisfied with this choice anyways. Right? I won’t… regret it, right? RIGHT?! It’s wet… My eyes are soaking wet. Stop. Stop…! I must not… Not now. Not ever. This isn’t something I should… spill tears over. I brought my hand up to wipe it away, drying away those unnecessary feelings.

            Slinking myself out of the room, through the hallway, and down to the front door. Gazing, I trailed my eyes at the living once more. Hah, irony name. ‘Living room’. As if there’s something living here. No. Nothing is alive. Everything is dead. It was already dead from the start.

           Gently opening the wooden door, I slid myself out from the small gap, into the night’s darkness. Out and cold. But I don’t care. As long as I’m free from this…                                                                                              …Hell.

[vindicavi-blog]

[Memory fragment: Blood-stained-- First kill.]

          To my right, it was a wall. And so was my left. A straight path down the alley, splitting into two different paths. But… it was all so dark, and I have no idea where to go; yet I’m still running. Stomping through the puddle of mud, racing through the broken tiles below. Alley’s rats squeaked as I dashes through their delightful meal. They were hissing, probably cursing at my rudeness. Though I had no time to care, if I want to survive. The rats wouldn’t eat me if I fall down, but the men behind me, they would. More than glad to, I’d wager.

          Waving hand, I knocked down the wooden crates on the side. I need more distraction, to at least secure a proper escape. Gods, damn them for bringing this down on me. And damn me for being stupid. Shouldn’t have provoked these filthy, lowborn brutes! But—… if I hadn’t, those boys will be beaten up… TCH! JUST DAMN IT ALL!

          Gritting my teeth, eyes laid squarely in the intersection of the alley. Almost there. I’m almost— "YOU’RE MINE!" "YEAH RIGHT—!" I jolted forth, though startling by the shout. Eyes wide, I turned to look. They were near! Hurry! I HAVE TO HURRY! Breaths cut shot, but I sped up. Barely sliding away from his swing. That damn stick gonna get me killed in no time if I weren’t quick.

          Narrowing down the line, the turn was just up ahead. Left or right? Left? OR RIGHT?! Shutting eyes, I mumbled a meaningless prayer, and stomped my feet to the right. Please be an open end, to another road or something! The eyes opened once more, only to prove me that my luck was blasted. Like it was a mockery; a dead end. Swiftly I made a roundabout, back to the splitting point. But it was too late. They had block the entrance back to the outside world.

          "Here you are, you little brat!" Creeping close. They moved closer and closer. And I backed away more and more. A distance, all I need was a distance, along with a plan to secure my life. Think, Amelia! Think! Blue gems went wide again as he grabbed onto my coat. "DAMN YOU! LET ME GO!" I yanked back, trying to buy myself a breakage from his tight grasp."HA! YER MINE!"

          Slap! Then thrown against the wall. CRACK! "A-ARGH!" I groaned. Dammit, my backbones…! Sliding along the wall, I dropped down onto the muddy, damp ground, splatting all the sewer water on me. "Tch—! You… bastards have no honor…"

"Honor? HA! Who do yer think we are? Some knights in shiny armor? No, girly, we’re not! Nowhere near that. Now… What are we going to do with you?" He snickered. Tch. Disgusting. "Don’t you dare touch me…" A hiss of warning I gave him "What yer gonna do? Kill me? Ha!" "Nngh—!!" I choked up, suffocated as he grabbed my collar. His stinking breath crept close, just right on my skin as he pulled me closer. No… This couldn’t be. A smirk. A distasteful smirk to me. His plummy voice already scratched my ears enough already.

         'Give it in' something told me. Aching, it throbbed in the back on my head. The faces of these people blurred, soon turned into silhouettes. Black. Why was everything so black? Everything except their eyes, crimson red. W-What's going on?! Instincts nagging, blood raging high. I clasped on my dagger.

         His skin, near, inches away from mine. The breath, it wrapped on my senses. One more… One more thing it would trigger everything. And this scripted fate must bring it to me. A sickening kiss on the lower of jawline, near neck. "DAMN YOU!" I kicked his shin, watching the man faltering back in agony as he dropped me down again. Then watching the other came charging for me as the shadow pointed its finger. No choice. Absolutely none.

         Subconsciously, I pulled down my small dagger, and charged. Swordplay? I play no game. I have no problem with holding a weapon at all. Memories serve right, I’ve learned to defend myself. And this was the time the skill would be put into use. Cleanly I sliced through the slender man’s neck. What was this that was spilling out? I couldn’t tell within this darkness. But red, red it was. In this cold as stone void, that liquid was warm. It touched my skin. Spreading over my coat. Soaking in and staining in the perfect white dress.

          One shadow after another. They came, and crumbled down. Ha. Pathetic. So damn predictable from mere human. Who do you think I am? I might ask. You will not stop me. You cannot stop me. I am—…

          It snapped. I froze. Ruckus and commotion of the daily lives came to me. The sky was shining above, carriage sound was just right by my ears. Blocks of brick walls surround me. And so were the men, lying on the ground. Unmoving. My eyes laid on them, those whom I just… killed. Staining red and them and me. The warmth of their blood lingered around me. The stench built up, taunting my nose. What have I done… What have I done?! I just….

                                                                                    I… killed them.                                                                                    But didn't that feel wonderful?

[vindicavi-blog]

[Memory fragment: ‘Our’ house]

           Crackling sound of the door knob echoed from the front of the house. I closed the book, before pushing back the chair, coming to check it. "Who is it?" I called out. Though without needing a reply, I already knew who that was. It was her usual routine, anyways, to come home this late. Honestly why am I even bother to ask that question? I’m so stupid. Sliding in the key, I twisted the knob, and pulled the door open, "…Welcome home, Mother."

          "Hello deary…." She smiled back. Tch. Per usual, drenched in the smell of alcohol. Pathetic look… this doesn’t fit her at all. What happened to the woman that… was brave enough to run away 5 years ago? I wonder if she had died. "The usual, Mother?" I asked, scooting aside to let her in. But of course, she was never alone, walking behind her was man. Or should I say, another man. "Welcome." I regarded, only to be given back a nod, and a look of disgust. Heh, the usual game, I see. I trailed my eyes along with those two as they passed me by, walking into the house all lovingly, smelled of liquor and soaked in their sweet words.

          ….I smirked, closing the door behind me. I walked the whole way back upstairs in silent. Another day, another night. Seems like nothing will change. Or perhaps it has. But since when? Closing the door of my room, I locked it again. I wished not to disturb, or to be. She can do whatever she wants, as long as there’s no harm done to me. This room and these books are all what I need. I need not her love or her care. To have fun with some other men? Yeah, go ahead. It was your choice to become this way. And I’m in no right to stop you. ‘Our’ house can always use some guests, Mother.

                                                                                                               I do not mind at all.

[vindicavi-blog]

[Memory fragment: The chase.]

           Rain. Downpour. I’m wet and cold. I’m tired. I’m out of my breath. I’m shivering. But… I’m nothing compare to her. Mother… I thank the god you’re holding me. I’m glad you’re here, hugging me, tugging me close. But why… Why are we running, Mother? Aren’t we supposed to be… home? Why is your tear flowing out, streaming down on your beautiful face? Why are you arching your eyebrows in pain? Where… are you— are we going to?

          Pitch black and windy. Bumpy road accompanied by the howling and echoing of our footsteps. Thunder and lighting above our head. It’s nothing more than a nightmare, Mother. This place… this place isn’t like our place. We have no rain, nor forest. Our land… the dry air and the sandy breeze. Why can’t we stay home? I… I want to go home. I don’t want to go away from my land! I know… I know my fate is unmovable… Why can’t you just accept it?! I’m so close to make Father proud! To make… Father love me.

          "Hurry, Amelia." You called out to me. "We must hurry. We’re almost at the border. The men will give us chase no more. We’re almost at our freedom. And you… You will be bounded no more by the Fell blood."

          Your voice… So warm. Yet, it’s broken. You’re… trembling, mother. Are you scared? What are you scared of? What are you afraid of? I want to know. I need to know. When I… When I see you like this, I’m scared, too. Please… Mother… Tell me why…

                                      Why are you kidnapping me away from what I’m destined to become?

[vindicavi-blog]

[Memory fragment: The stone table]

            I opened my eyes, starring at the ceiling high above - the worn out, dusted golden color of the stone. Hmm, distinctive of Plegia. I dazed out, trying to figure out what was going on. I couldn’t make most of what happened… I was on my usual travel, and someone… I signaled myself to move, but somehow my body was stiff and cold. It took me a moment or two, until I realized my arms and legs were tied down by chains, and I was lying face up on what seemingly like a stone table, of the sorts. I struggled. It was then that I heard a chuckle. A sinister yet amused chuckle. I lifted my head, staring at the person to my side. She… She looks just like me. W-What in the world is this?!

            "So you’ve come to." she regarded me, creeping closer. She… It couldn’t be true right…? I starred at her, in pure terror and confusion. "Surprised, aren’t we now? Well, that’s to be expected, to say the least." she continued on, without needing my response. "I suppose a proper introduction is in order. After all, you’d need to know me because we’re going to stick together for a very. long. time." She leaned closer to my face, smirking, "My name is… Amelia. I’m… you. I’m the future you. Nice to meet you, myself."

            What? What did she just say? She’s… me? How is that even possible?! But… she does look like me, although, those eyes… I struggled, crackling the metal tie, "L-Let me go! Who are you really?! What are you planning to  do?!" I questioned her. Yet, I received no answer. She just smirked at me. Starring at me. Looking into my soul. It was then… it felt like something was stirring inside me. Something dark, and cold. Empty. Like… me.

            The woman who was supposed to be ‘me’ casually placed her hand on my chest. That smirk… it just refused to leave her face. It was creepy, and disturbing so much. What is it that she want? Don’t tell me… she knows—! Then from her hand, something started to glow. The purple color… Dark magic?! I twisted myself even more, trying to find a breakage, and she, too, pressed down harder on me. Slowly, something flows inside me. It’s filling me up. It’s so dark… why…. Dammit… It makes my hand burns. The marking… it burns! I shut my eyes as my conscious started being taken over by this force. Dammit dammit dammit! This must stop! This—! I—!!

                                    "N-No… Dammit… S-Stop! STOOOOOOOP!"

           Then my mind went blank. White. Empty void. Nothing more. Before everything started to fade into black. And drifted away.

[vindicavi-blog]

[Memory fragment: Life in Plegian castle.]

          "Despicable child! What do you think you’re doing?!"

          SLAP! A smack on my right cheek, it was hard, and forceful. Yet… he didn’t stop. He continued on, "A simple spell and you couldn’t do it? Ha! And you call yourself child of Grima!" He yelled. Again and again. Nonstop. Why…?

           I clenched my fists, as they rested to my side. I only knew to lower my head , in shame… I know not what to do. Dammit. Dammit! I tried. I tried! Doesn’t he know that I’m trying?! It’s hard. It’s not easy or simple like he says. These things are hard! How do these magic spells even work? I don’t get this. I… I can’t catch up with it.

           I shifted my eyes to the corners. They’re laughing. Like usual. Laughing and scoffing at me. Damn them… I thought… I thought they called me their… ‘friend’. If I were to be one, why are they laughing at me? Shouldn’t they… shouldn’t they give me eyes of sympathy? Shouldn’t they stand up for me?! I don’t understand! They were nice to me a second ago!

          --Lies… Lies. Lies! LIES!! THESE PEOPLE ARE ALL LIARS. FAKE AND PRETEND. ONLY TO KNOW TO LIVE FOR THEMSELVES. FOR THEIR BEST BENEFIT. I AM GRIMA. I AM THE GOD OF DESPAIR. IF THEY DON’T SHOW KINDNESS AT LEAST SHOW SOME RESPECT! IT HURTS. MY HAND. IT BURNS! IT’S BECAUSE OF THEM… THEY MAKE IT LIKE THIS. I HATE IT! I’LL… I’LL MAKE THEM PAY!

                                                                              I WILL KILL YOU ALL—!

——

          Amelia suddenly unfroze herself, gasping and sweating. Her eyes widened in terror. The woman was speechless for a moment or two, before coming back to her sense. She now realized a man standing in front of her. Placing her hand on her forehead, she slowly lifted up her face, trying not to do so fast, as her headache still lingered around.

           "O-Oh… Hey Chrom…" she regraded, looking at him, only to find a dazed out look in him, "Need me for something?" A nervously chuckle slipped under her breath.