#;queries.

[dolchet-blog]

❝ Tell me about the last time you thought about death. ❞

               “I never stop.” His voice scrapeson the honesty of it.

“Imade a mistake. I was young, but… I knew what I did, well enough.” The steam of his breathcatches in the air, some wild animal fleeting and haunted. A child birthed froma war zone, Dolcetto learned young the value of human life, that blood built upuntil it became a cage around you. “And I’mstill responsible. Living is a way of atoning. I’ve survived, and I try to dogood. I think, when you give your body to a cause, you’ve suffered a tragedy, butwhen you give your heart, you can’t return. I am trying to return.”

[sacrificusdux-moved-blog]

Placing two cups of black coffee on his commander's desk, he takes confident strides across the room retrieving a chair and dragging it to the desk, making himself comfortable he seats himself across from where his superior sits. "Petra mentioned something about paperwork, so I concluded that it would be irresponsible to leave you alone at this hour."

{ ♚ }     when his door slips open, he does not look up. there’s only three people who would step into his office without knocking    and by the sound of the footsteps, he knows it’s levi. he doesn’t stop writing for a moment, even after levi takes a seat across from him and strikes up the beginning of a conversation. it’s evident that erwin is fully consumed within his work. he would prefer not to be interrupted, but how can he deny a hot cup of coffee? lips pursed, he peers over at the other, taking a sip from the mug. he perks a brow, the ghost of a smirk quirked on his mouth.

        ❛ irresponsible? i wasn’t aware you were my caretaker, levi. ❜

[sacrificusdux-moved-blog]

do you miss your dad or mike more?

{ ♚ }     why one would choose to ask him this, he does not know. it almost seems as if the question is made in order to taunt him    to remind him of his guilt, of the  lives lost because of him. those two men.. mike, his father    not once have they left the commander’s mind. they haunt him in his dreams, and he hears them, sees them everywhere he goes. it’s utter torture, and he can’t help but ponder if.. mike and his father purposely make erwin suffer through the guilt? no, no. the two men were far too peaceful to do that, and he knows neither one of them blames erwin for their deaths. mike died under erwin’s orders, and his father died because his son was a foolish traitor. if he was still alive, he would be nearing his eighties. mike was his best friend, his most trusted comrade, the one who never left his side, and his father was.. well, family. & they were both gone, because of him.

        ❛ i miss them both equally.❜

[sacrificusdux-moved-blog]

Commander, what do you think of marriage within the legion or the other branches?

{ ♚ }     he wonders what brought this curiosity on, but he doesn’t have to think twice about his words. his view of marriage within the legion hasn’t changed at all, and he doubts it ever will. ❛ for members of the survey corps, i think it’s inconvenient     unnecessary, and a rather foolish move. i have no right to prevent someone from getting married if they wish, but i certainly wouldn’t support it. for the other two branches, especially the military police    they’re capable of living a much more peaceful life, so it’s understandable for them to get married. ❜

        he has seen too many weeping brides and grooms after expeditions to believe getting married in a world like this could ever be a smart idea.

[sacrificusdux-moved-blog]

"Are we all just-- monsters...?" idk man have some melodrama

{ ♚ }     a question he has found himself pondering very often. of course, everybody had a different meaning for monster. his own definition could differ from levi’s, from zoe’s, from a civilian’s. when he was young, before he was introduced to the cruelty of humans, he believed the only monsters were titans. they were feared, they killed only because they could, they were selfish    brought chaos with them, destroyed. after the death of his father, he realized that titans weren’t the only monsters. no, humans were just as bad. and with his father’s theories     that titans were humans, was there really any difference between the two of them? one would like to believe that humans would never cause as much harm as the titans have, but that’s a lie. given the proper  resources, the needed power and strength, a malicious person would stop at nothing  until they are satisfied.

        he knows why jean is asking this. he heard of what happened    with jean failing to kill the woman who was planning to shoot him and armin having to pull the trigger instead. no doubt, that moment would burn itself into the mind of the two teens. there is stifling silence, but not because erwin is thinking over his words. he knew his answer the second jean finished asking. 

        ❛it depends on who you ask.❜ a short pause. ❛i think we all are    in one way or the other. ❜               after all, to defeat monsters, sometimes you must become one.

[sacrificusdux-moved-blog]

would you ever marry levi

{ ♚ }     ❛ ..? ah, no, i wouldn’t. our relationship is strictly professional, as i’ve stated several times before. i have no interest in marriage, either. ❜

[sacrificusdux-moved-blog]

How many people have you seen die?

{ ♚ }     to keep count of those who perished around him seemed more than morbid. but he would be a filthy liar to say he has never tried to keep the numbers in mind. not only the numbers    but the names. michele, thomas, mikael, carmen, anna    god, there’s so many more. he has lost count.. lost count after reaching past a hundred. but he has not been able to forget the sounds of their screams. many times, they screamed out for him, begged for his help as they were chewed apart by titans. the sounds, the sights    everything has left him with a sense of survivor’s guilt. it aches,  and the guilt only worsened and grew heavier after he became commander. to know so many people were dying left and right because of his orders    it was too much for him to believe he ever deserved any good in his life. 

        ❛ too many. ❜ a vague response, because even if he wanted to give an accurate answer, he didn’t have one. more than one hundred… perhaps a little over three hundred people? he hasn’t only seen death in the battlefield    he has seen death when the walls were knocked down, when he was in the orphanage after his father was killed. even dipping his hands in bleach could not rid him of the crimson which stains every ounce of his skin.

        ❛ a number i would not wish upon my worst enemy. ❜