hungry? more like starving. eunae is pretty sure anyone in a hundred mile radius can hear her stomach growl. having to watch every single calorie you ingest can become alienating very fast, especially for someone who exercises as much as she does. she’s always been athletic, even studied physical education once upon a time (when she still had a life). she knows her body needs a lot more than what she’s allowed to eat to function properly and give her enough energy to go through the day. unsurprisingly, she’s been feeling much more tired lately, more apathetic too. the little energy she has, she spends it all on training and keeps none for social interactions.
she needs a lot of self control not to just fill up her tray with two portions of each side and main dish. in the end, the trainee leaves the counter with about half the quantity of food she would normally eat. she’s disappointed, but there are more important things to worry about, mainly the recording of the remaining songs on their mini album. she brought her earphones, planning on sitting away from the crowd and listen to the demos on a loop. that is very unlike her, but she needs the alone time today.
but that’s before she crashes into a wall and drops her tray, rice spilled all over the damn place. turns out the wall isn’t even a wall, it’s a person. “so sorry about that!” she knows they never spoke before outside of casual greetings and frankly, it’s not his fault or anything. despite being about to debut as a royal idol, she feels like she still doesn’t know anyone except the girls who were on the show. “hey, weren’t you one of the mcs during the finale?” she looks up, trying to recall his name. “byun... baekhyun? that’s it, right?”
it’s exhausting, and much more physically and mentally painful than she ever could’ve imagined. but she’s never been part of anything more thrilling in her life. now they’re working in the shadows, hidden from the outside world and she can’t remember the last time she saw sunlight. but sooner than they expect, their group will finally be revealed to the public. they will go out, meet people, perform in from of them, give interviews, interact with fans (hopefully, if they get any). things will be twice as hectic as they are now because practicing will still be required, on top of everything else they have to do, but they will see the fruit of their labor in the flesh. it won’t just be speculations and staff telling them what to expect. they’ll be living it, breathing it.
being restricted to the royal building, however, means that on some days she can catch a glimpse of other trainees and sometimes, she doesn’t see them at all for quite a while. it’s almost impossible to hang out already, since luxe is forced to keep to itself aside from lunch times (and even then, it’s common that they have no time at all to take a break and just eat a few bites in the practice room). for somebody as inherently social as eunae, it’s probably the hardest part. she feels completely cut off from the rest of the world, from her friends. that’s why when she sees lisa in the cafeteria that day, she almost tears up. “LISA!” she shouts a little too loudly, alerting nearly everyone present in the room before she rushes towards her friend. with an added slow motion effect, it would look straight out of a romantic movie. when she’s close enough to grab a hold of her friend, she pulls her into a long, tight hug. “i missed you so much! did you grow? you look different! even prettier! what the hell do you eat?”
it’s about two or three in the morning and eunae has been tossing and turning the whole time, unable to find enough peace of mind to fall asleep. she’s not really thinking of anything specific, she’s just too agitated to calm down. the training has intensified and whenever she lies down, she feels like she should be up and about instead, doing something useful. it’s an annoying feeling, really, because she’d love to get some well-needed rest. “dawon?” she calls, very quietly to make sure not to needlessly wake her up if her roommate was luckier than her.
she hears blankets shifting, a soft hum, like her friend is acknowledging her. though she wouldn’t have been upset that dawon was alseep, she’s happy that she isn’t, since it means they can maybe have one of their chocopie sessions again. “you’re awake?” she asks, a little louder this time. “can i turn on the light?”
LUXE 💎 SECOND EVALUATION
performing debut song ‘ I FEEL GOOD ’
february 28th, 2018
it's the first time they will perform in front of anyone as luxe and just thinking about it is enough to send eunae's energy through the roof. she's already hyper in general but today, while they're getting ready to begin the song, she's never felt so alive before. it's such an exhilarating feeling to stand in front of the panel, with her group members, to show them what they've been practicing. she knows they're ready, she knows they're capable of doing this. there will be a lot of things to improve on, a lot of criticism after they're done, she's sure of it. but it's all for the best, to prepare them for the harshness of the industry, so they debut at their very best. she just hopes all of the girls will give it their all, but there's very little doubt in her mind as she glances at each of them: jihyun, dawon, seolhyun, jiwon, seoyoung. they're all radiant, at their right spot and waiting for the song to start.
being in the center at the very beginning would be intimidating for some, but after repeating the choreography over and over again, eunae feels like she's confident enough to tackle it. they all get their spotlight at some point during the song, which she absolutely loves because they all have such unique colors and personalities that not letting it show would be disappointing. she's grateful to no end for the importance they gave her in the debut song. since she's not good at singing, she didn't expect to be given so many lines, but the rapping is not only decent in i feel good but very present. it's exciting, but also a burden since she doesn't feel like her skills are at their best just yet. she's been taking workshops to try and improve her pronunciation and technique and now is the time to actually prove it to so jisub. he called her an amateur once and she sure as hell never wants to hear that word throw in her direction ever again.
dawon opens the song with her powerful voice and soon enough it's eunae's turn.
Hey everybody
Hey everybody
Hey everybody
Hey say need more basses
May day stop and game set
Baby I feel good yo
Play as if you’re crazy and scream louder
Beat it Get it
I’m so High it’s just us
I I I I Feel
she starts with the ablibs while they all sing together, immediately following with her first rap verse. singing live has gotten so much easier since royal survival, where she's had to perform in front of an audience multiple times. it lessens the stress of having a panel in front of her, as she thinks it can't actually be worse than that time where she had no idea what her fate would be. she sounds a lot more stable now, plus the choreography doesn't require her to dance along with the other girls as she raps, but she's rather allowed to go a bit more freestyle, hyping up the invisible crowd.
as her verse ends, she goes back in formation, standing next to jihyun who takes the center spot for the chorus. they might have practiced it hundreds of time by now, eunae still loves this song as much as the first time she heard it. it's not alienating, the beat is awesome and it's exactly what she wanted their debut concept to be. they're out there to have fun, energize the public and hopefully it'll catch on. she dances cheerfully until her next part while hearing the other members sing their parts. it now hits her that they're luxe, that they're about to begin this wonderful journey together without a single clue what's going to happen. they've been chosen and now they need to show that so jisub was right to believe in them
It’s a dark night so let’s light up this night brightly
Um uh uh, hold on
You know I like the way you move slow down
NA NA NA NA NA NA
Don’t stop, please don’t stop
Get high like you’re crazy
Like you lost your mind in this heat
it honestly feels like it's in the middle of the summer and they're partying at the beach, which has her wonder if it might be when they'll debut. it's always hard to know for sure though, since the staff is good at hiding everything from them until they're ready to share. that's not so bad for eunae, because it's extremely hard for her to keep such news to herself and she needs a lot of self control not to spill everything to her mom over the phone.
when the song's done, eunae feels confident. they all improved tremendously since the show ended, they all put their heart, soul and energy into it to the point where they go back to their dorm at impossible hours completely exhausted. it might not be flawless, but she knows they did the best they could and so she doesn't feel shameful about presenting the fruit of their labor to them.
she observes the ceo closely, waiting for his verdict in silence.
it’s as exciting as eunae expected it to be. while recording the song was a wonderful experience, she’s happy to finally see it take form with the choreography, because while this song is an entity by itself, she thinks it becomes even better when you can also see it with your eyes. it’s one of her strengths too, in this group. she’s the main rapper but also the lead dancer, which means that royal recognized her skill. while it’s flattering, it also puts pressure on her to perform at the best of her abilities and help her members as much as she can. seolhyun and her need to work as a duo on this one, each one playing on their strengths to be able to elevate the group when it comes to dancing. the vocalists have their parts more than covered; eunae can’t even criticize anyone because all of them are almost twice as good as her when it comes to technique. she’s worked a lot on her stability though and she’s slowly getting there, but she will never be a great singer.
they spent hours and hours already working on this choreography. with yoo jaekyung, individually, in smaller groups, with all the members, at royal, at their dorm, even in the shower. she breathes, sleeps and eats to dance only these days, though they also have to up their live performance game since they’ll be showing the staff what they can do, and sooner than they think. tonight, it’s only seolhyun and her in the practice room, with two pairs of wedged sneakers sitting by, ready to be tried on. it’ll be the first time eunae does the choreography with heels and she wonders how it’ll feel. she’s gotten used to it after doing it a few times, but she still finds it a million times more comfortable in simple sneakers. “ok, try them on first, i wanna see how tall it’ll get you.”
it feels like they’ve come full circle as both dawon and eunae stand in front of royal’s building, hand in hand and about to make their first official entry. it all started in september, when they entered the royal survival’s dorm and happened to share a room together. now, months later, they are future luxe members and royal trainees, switching companies to prepare for debut. as surreal as it sounds, the taller girl is glad to be able to share this important moment with dawon. they became good friends during the show, sharing their doubts, pains and joys every night before sleep, as well as a few hidden chocopies in eunae’s luggage.
“ready?” she asks, glancing over at the girl with a playful smile on her face. “i’m happy i get to do this with you.” there’s a soft spot in her heart for dawon, the girl who used to believe so little in herself but managed to push her way through the end of the competition and into the final group. dawon is much more of a fighter than she thinks she is and that’s something eunae likes about her. she knows they have the potential to become very close friends in the future. just as she’s about to step towards the front door, eunae stops, looking again at dawon. “i was thinking... you think we’ll get to share a room again in luxe’s dorm?”
it’s been an awfully long day and it’s past midnight when eunae gets out of the shower. to be fair, she did spend more time than she usually did, enjoying the warmth of the water on her skin. it’s so freezing outside these days, she’s so tired of winter and misses california really bad. washing up helps, though, and she gets out feeling happier and more relaxed, brushing her teeth and doing a short skincare routine before she goes back to her shared bedroom with dawon to get changed. she should probably pick up more tips from the girls on how to take better care of her skin, as it’s not something she used to pay much attention to in the past. she was blessed with good skin, luckily for her, except blemishes and dryness happen sometimes. she wouldn’t want to be criticized for it if it’s something she can easily avoid.
even though it’s time to get some rest, the trainee doesn’t feel sleepy at all. dawon is listening to music on her phone quietly and as to not bother her, eunae moves to the living room where she finds jiwon. “hey,” she greets her, falling back onto the couch next to the older girl. living together makes it a lot easier to form closer bonds, although she hasn’t talked a lot to jiwon one on one yet. she does hope they can be closer, though. “not feeling sleepy either?”
LUXE 💎 FIRST EVALUATION
recording debut song ‘ I FEEL GOOD ’
january 27th, 2018
it’s definitely not an easy day. it’s stressful, long and tiring. they’ve been told they would spend at least half of the day in the studio, prepping for the recording and then doing the recording itself. it’s the first time they’ve done this, or at least in such a formal, determinant way. it’s not for fun anymore, it’s not just a hobby. their future as a group is contained in this small, suffocating room that the six of them along with staff members share. but eunae finds it just as exciting as it is hard. she has no experience whatsoever, but watches with fascination and works hard with her group members in order to make it a successful first time. she doesn’t want to let anyone down, of course.
the parts she were given are exactly in her element. the song is upbeat, and definitely more girl crush than it is the sexier concept she’s dreading to have to do later on. she likes it a lot, actually, and finds herself humming it even at the most random times. after practicing it so much, she’s still not tired of hearing it and that’s a good sign. though, she thinks that maybe part of it is thanks to her excitement. this song is their baby, after all. it will be their first contact with the industry as debuted idols. they might as well cherish it the best they can, since these moments fly by so fast.
after a few hours of preparations, they’re finally ready to begin and eunae patiently (not) waits for her turn, mouthing her lines over and over again to try and keep her mind focused on the task ahead. it’s incredibly hard for her not to let her thoughts wonder anywhere and everywhere, since she gets so easily distracted by her surroundings. but it’s something she’s been trying to work on, both by herself and with the help of the royal coaches. jo soonyang did praise her progress, but said not to stop progressing because there’s still a long road ahead. eunae agrees, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
she’s now inside the booth, facing the big microphone and waiting for instructions. there’s a lot of things to assimilate at once, but once she gives them a thumbs up, she’s ready to do her first take. she’s honestly glad she doesn’t have to fight with anyone over lines. she’s the only rapper of her group, so she can only hope that their concepts will require a lot of her presences, or otherwise she’ll end up being that one girl who only sings the chorus and never gets anything. thankfully, their debut song is far from being like this and she’s so excited to hear her voice on an official, professionally done recording.
“that wasn’t bad, eunae-ssi. as expected, your english pronunciation is really good, but there are a few words in korean that you butchered. it’s important that you don’t slur the words, whether you’re rapping or not, or no one will understand you.” eunae nods, watching them closely from behind the glass. they quickly point out which parts were more problematic and give a few other indications that she must take into consideration. it’s a lot more mental work than she thought, because she not only has to think about the song itself, but every small detail they mention. her intonation gets analyzed and criticized, her rhythm, her pronunciation, her breathing. when she corrects something, something else comes up. they never hesitate to praise her when she does well, however, which is more encouraging than it is the opposite. when it’s been about an hour, they assure her that it’s all for the sake of getting the best take possible, and eunae agrees. she’s still full of motivation, despite fatigue, despite her struggles. by the end of her session, she can see the satisfied smiles on their faces that she’s been waiting for.
“thank you, eunae-ssi. you worked hard today.” she thanked them back, happy to be done and even more happy that things went well in the end.
