in the beginning, they are seafoam and ocean breeze, the sand of busan in small shoes, families gathering together, and his tiny hand around a strand of her hair.
(she cries because he pulls too hard, and then he cries because she cries and he doesn’t understand. parents collect crying children in their arms, and life is simple.)
when he’s five years old, he gives her the prettiest seashell he ever found as a birthday present-- probably the best birthday present he ever gives her over the course of their repeatedly interwoven lifetimes. he never claims to be the best at gifts.
she puts it on her bedroom shelf, and he’s shocked to find it still there when he next visits, and the time after that, too, even with her lifestyle more lavish than his own.
he’s eight and she’s nine when daniel and his family move to vancouver-- a new job opportunity for dad, and so naturally, the others will follow.
at a young age, he learns he’s no good at goodbyes, especially involving her, and the sadness on her face.
“i don’t know if i’ll ever see you again,” a young daniel admits, gaze downcast. “but thank you for being my friend.”
“you will,” she says, with conviction, and a new smile in the face of this impending loss. he doesn’t know if he believes her then, but he doesn’t forget that moment, her faith, or the expression on her face for years to come.
she’s right, too, of course.
he’s suffocating in a fancy suit he hasn’t fully grown into, moreso in personality than stature, but a little bit of both. he’s in some city he doesn’t remember the name of that got him a new stamp on his passport because it’s somewhere in the united states, and the largest social event he’ll be at in the past several years will be his dad’s fancy bring-your-entire-family-to-prove-your-status business party.
“new york is so beautiful,” his mother coos in the taxi, and daniel sits, stuffed in between her and his older brother, mina, lucky enough to escape this event by remaining at the hotel with a babysitter their dad probably found off of craigslist because she’s too rebellious and would probably ruin their reputation if she came along. right. new york it is.
arriving at their destination doesn’t bring daniel any comfort. in fact, he only feels more intimidated, greeted by massive cobblestone steps that lead to a vast entryway, then a ballroom with vaulted ceilings and too many high class people for him to count. jaebeom and his parents easily disappear into the crowd, socializing like they’re made for this kind of fancy debauchery, and daniel just stands there, a taut smile forced onto his face.
eventually, he finds his way over to the catering table-- the highlight of this event, as far as he’s concerned. someone bumps into his arm as he reaches for some snack of salami and olives, both of them reaching for the same thing, and he quickly withdraws his hand, and when she laughs beside him, it’s familiar.
he turns to face her, and there she is-- kim bora, sua, in all her glory. he just stands, frozen, and stares for a bit, and she places the food onto his plate before reaching for her own.
“fancy seeing you here, kang-ssi,” she greets him, a smile, almost knowing, on her face, and daniel wonders if his childhood best friend is some psychic goddess of legend.
“uh, yeah,” he answers, with a cough, and ducks his head. she turns, leaning her weight against the table, plate full of party food and a fancy looking beverage that’s no doubt nonalcoholic poised in her hand, and she faces the rest of the party.
“i think our families are the only koreans here,” she remarks, and daniel laughs, then mirrors her posture to get his own look at the scene in front of them. sure enough, the most faces in the crowd are caucasian, though there’s some diversity.
“surely not. i mean, my dad’s from samsung; there have to be more koreans here,” and sua laughs. the smile lingers on daniel’s face. it vanishes as his mother approaches, however, and his posture grows more rigid-- less relaxed.
“oh, good,” the woman sighs, and she claps her hands together. “you already found a dance partner! go, mingle. do your family proud!” she saunters off into the crowd herself, inevitably to find her husband, and daniel visibly grimaces.
“guess i have to put my shoes back on,” sua deadpans, and daniel looks over to her, and down at her bare feet, then back to her as she walks away, presumably to find her shoes where they’re stashed under a table somewhere. meanwhile, daniel: utterly awed by the audacity of this girl.
he stands there, waiting-- turns his attention briefly to the food once again, trying to decide whether he wants to eat something else, but sua returns before he can finish that thought. “you know, she won’t even know if you don’t dance. she seems pretty busy with the rest of the party,” sua points out. tempting.
“she’d know,” daniel replies decisively, with a sigh of defeat. “she las like, six different pairs of eyes. she’s probably watching me right now. i’m better off just doing it, trust me.”
“okay then,” sua answers, and loops her arm, and daniel takes it hesitantly, led away from the comfort of the catering table onto the unfamiliar realm of the dance floor.
they fall into something of a slow dancing pose, a casual form of what daniel can only assume is some kind of waltz posture the others hold. how these business executives and high rollers all suddenly know how to waltz, daniel isn’t sure; why his mother expects him to hold his own in an environment like this when he’s never danced a day in his life is even more of a mystery.
he steps on sua’s toes almost immediately. “sorry,” he apologizes. “it’s a good thing i got my shoes after all,” sua fires back, easy smile on her face, and daniel looks down at their feet to hide how his face goes red. it doesn’t stop him from still stepping on her feet again-- and again. he apologizes again, and sua shakes her head. “ it's okay, really. i’ll just use champagne buckets full of ice for my toes later.”
she must see the guilt on his face, because she adds, “it’s fine. i’ve done worse to myself,” and somehow daniel doesn’t find that very comforting. besides that, they probably look horrible-- the opposite of what their parents likely want for them-- graceful teens that carry themselves with elegance and dignity. rest in peace.
the song ends, and daniel thinks he’ll be able to get away, but sua ropes him into an additional song, clearly in her element. he sacrifices his pride and just lets her take the lead.
[ warning: hospitals, illness, death ]
daniel wonders who decided to make hospitals white, all color and life sucked out of the surroundings to reflect the happenings inside them. maybe, if there was more color, the place wouldn’t hang so heavy with dread and death.
it’s daniel’s entire family this time, on a plane to seoul to visit grandfather kang, on his last legs. the understanding is that he isn’t going to make it-- that they’ll be lucky to see him one last time, but daniel doesn’t want to accept it yet, even as pneumonia stacks on top of lung cancer. in between this are discussions, overheard between his parents, about moving back to korea for the support of extended family.
the sight of his grandfather in the hospital bed is sobering, and daniel, his father and his brother take a seat beside it, waiting, in case he wakes up. “they say he sleeps most of the time, these days,” daniel’s father explains. “at least that seems peaceful.” daniel nods, in agreement, and he thinks he hears jaebeom sniffle, though he keeps up a brave face. mina lingers, still standing, evidently unsure of what to do with herself.
their mother excuses herself before long, to see an old, ill friend who’s also in this hallway, and the whole family nods. daniel catches up to her before long, because he can’t take the heavy atmosphere and wants to give his father some space.
his mother explains her relationship with the woman they visit: a friend from busan, a son around daniel’s age, and it’s only when she says the name that daniel’s memory catches up. he doesn’t remember the woman, but he does remember her son, of course-- yoo changhyun, another friend they left behind in busan.
this is a hospital bed he feels he has even less of a place beside, as his mother puts flowers she brought on a table on the other side of the room, chattering on; daniel doesn’t really listen. he just stays in place, seated, and when ricky’s mother looks at him, he offers a smile. “thank you for taking care of us so well,” he mutters. “i’ll be cheering for you to get well.”
when they emerge, there’s sua, sitting in one of the chairs in the hallway outside the hospital room, eyes red and face pale, and he jumps when he sees her. the rest of daniel’s family continues on to the hospital cafeteria, but he lingers, and takes the seat beside her. she doesn’t talk for a while, just fidgets with the tissue in her lap.
“you here for ricky’s mom?” daniel asks, daring to break the silence. she simply nods, and then looks at him, the question in her eyes, but not leaving her lips.
“my grandfather,” he says regardless.
“i’m sorry.”
“there’s nothing you could do.”
“still, i wish things could be different.” daniel doesn’t argue with that. he wishes they could be too, for both of them. they fall into silence, sitting there in the hallway, searching their reserves for hope, holding back mourning.
“this sucks,” sua sighs at last, and she leans her head on daniel’s shoulder.
“yeah. it does.”
he’s silver hair and dark makeup, bass slung over his shoulder, always haphazard, unabashedly so, for once-- someone else on stage entirely, all cameo and little daniel under small stage lights. empty enigma finishes their set, says their goodbyes, and as the lights dim, he looks out into the crowd, finally able to properly see their audience for the first time.
it’s sizable, but humble enough-- a few diehard fans, and the others that just happened to be in the area, possible wrong place at the wrong time. as he scans the crowd, he catches sight of a familiar pair of eyes, narrowed in suspicion. he spins on his heel, turning away before the surprise shows on his face, and he fleas backstage, sure to lurk around longer than usual so he doesn’t catch sua on the way out.
when she takes the stage the second round of the mgas, he’s stunned. he watches, with rapt attention, until her performance ends.
what are the odds of their paths crossing here? then again, they’ve crossed in so many places now, it shouldn’t take him by surprise anymore.
she catches him backstage, and when she does, it’s with a comment of, “is everything you do related to church?”
he laughs a little, and scratches the back of his neck. “that’s...the goal, i think.”
each week he survives, backstage: daniel, his nerves, bouncing legs, and eyes on sua. she always stands out a little more than most.
she hadn't exactly been planning on keeping up with the mgas, at least not until she found out who the contenders for royal might be so she could monitor them like the good sunbae she was, but she kept getting wind of her friends appearing on the show and auditioning. ultimately, she had to make the time to watch it, and low and behold her friends were splattered across the premiere episode. it was exciting, seeing so many faces she knew and loved on the show. she felt incredibly proud, and more than that, she was in love with the idea that they could get signed to royal and start training with her.
one of them in particular, her beloved kim bora, would make life at royal so much more fun for her. even if she went to a different company, she’d get to see her at seocho, and she’d get to watch her fulfill a shared dream of theirs. there were so many trials and tribulations they had had in common, there was nothing more shiah wanted than to see bora succeed. so seeing her make it on air again for the new season? it was worth celebrating, and she wasn’t taking no for an answer.
after harassing her into going, she had managed to get the girl out, and was now linked up with her after training, walking along the streets of seoul, heading towards her favourite cake shop with a very specific goal in mind. “alright! since this is your night, you get to pick the flavour of cake we eat. i don’t want to hear anything about diets either! tonight, we eat, and we eat cake!”
