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Day 1-5 of the 30 Day DID questionnaire We’re doing this on Twitter as we feel like it and cross-posting since we never actually finish 30-day things when we try to do one a day 1. We're an OSDD system of about 16, possibly 17 now. Almost all of us are fictives with loosely defined roles. I (the host, Jude) am usually the one representing us. We also subdivide into the main system [Asclepias], as well as two subsystems [Mandrake] and [Heterophyiasis] (which are included in the total count of alters). 2) Pretty much all of my close friends know about our multiplicity. In a perfect world, at least some of my family would know but I think it'd be too much for them to handle. It'd be nice to have a therapist to talk to about it directly, too? It's really, really hard to tell people about it honestly. Even folks I consider good friends treat it like the system itself is the issue, rather than caring about why it exists in the first place. Several “woke” people at my university showed their true ableist colors when, in my private safe space on Twitter, I started opening up about it. People are so uninformed and it's seen as something scary that needs "fixed" even though it's so very normal to me. 3) Obviously it's up to any individual system to decide to integrate, but for me I don't know that I ever would want that? Just bc I don't function like a singlet doesn't mean I have to change myself to do so. The idea of needing to take on trauma that my alters hold is too much. Not to mention, this has been how I function since early childhood. Before my dissociative disorder came into play, I still had BPD to deal with and no sense of self; 21 years of my life have been a big ol "???" for the "who am I" question.

4) I have 3 partners external to the system and 2 internal (Regis and Dettlaff, who are also together). Geralt and Yennefer are also internally a couple. It’s hard sometimes because I want my external partners to get along with my alters and maybe even date the collective, but I understand too that because our identities are internally separate it’s a lot to handle for singlets. In terms of my relationship with Regis and Dett, most of my relationships have been largely non-physical, so I guess dating internally isn't all that weird though for us haha. Geralt and Yen tend to act like a happy old married couple, also.

5) It's rare that we have a full switch; usually when I'm in a crisis mode is the only time I'm not at least cofronting, or late nights/early mornings for brief periods. In bad points I've lost upwards of like, 3-5 hours? When I'm not at front it's like... I still feel conscious in the moment, but everything is fuzzy/hazy, my thoughts aren't necessarily relevant to what the body/fronter is doing, and more or less unless I'm 100% out it's like watching someone else live my life but the same kind of fuzziness that alcohol or drugs can cause where once it’s over only very vague images/memories are really there.

#;system #;system chatter #;jude #;about us #;questionnaire

exhausted but can't sleep

all of us are in the big sadzone right now hhh

#;host #;hawke #;geralt #;system #;finni

me, starting up RDR2: if i’m kin with Anyone from this game I swear to every god I will. yell!!

#;system

hawke: yeah I'll talk about memories as they come

finni: HHHHHNG LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME I----

geralt: zzzzz oh uh? I love my wife and daughter, goodnight

#;system #;system chatter