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supxrixr replied to your post: What are triggering things for Oli?
I think, fire maybe? bc afganistan and tiny and dark spaces like the cave where he was with Tony? o3o
YES, THANK. Fire doesn’t trigger him that much, tho. Mainly because that was one of the weapons he used to escape. But yes, he has claustrophobia. Tank is claustrophobic too.
Antal sighed too and leant his head on Tank's chest, slowly wrapping his arms around his waist. "I love you too." He mumbled and eventually looked up at him to kiss his chin. "With all my heart."
Tank half smiled before pulling away. “Still…” He said, biting down his lower lip for a moment. “I think we…I think…” He frowned sadly and looked down at his feet. “I think we shouldn’t get married.”
"Yes!" He clenched his hands on Tank's shirt and looked into his eyes, his own a little watery. He needed to hear it, he needed to be reminded, he needed to know that if he left again, it would be a difference. "D-Do you?"
Tank frowned lightly, brushing his thumb through Antal’s cheekbone. “That is sad to hear.” He mumbled, a sigh leaving his lips. “But it’s fair, I suppose.” He leaned over and kisses the other’s cheek gently. “With all my heart.”
Antal walked straight to where Tank was, he didn't care if he was busy, if he was avoiding him now, if he was angry or whatever. He grabbed him by the shirt to turn him around and shoved the larger man into the wall. "Do you still love me?" He almost whimpered, though his movements were aggressive, the look in his eyes was almost like the one of a lost child.
The aggressiveness of the movement surprised him and when Antal slammed him against the wall, the air left his lungs for a moment. He blinked, processing what was happening and what the boy was asking him. “Do you really need to ask?”
❛ you don’t have to lie to me. ❜
“I am not lying. If I said I’m fine, it’s because I’m fucking fine.”
“I need to talk to you.” Oliver looks up from his bowl of cereal and finds Tank standing before him, bandages in one hand, a busted lip and a bruised cheekbone. He got into a fight again, it’s obvious and he knows this means trouble. Tank had been staying out of trouble for a while now, he had stopped fighting and breaking things, whatever had made him go back to his old ways was not going to be good.
“Okay.” He motioned the chair next to him and Tank sat down, placing his injured hands on the table. “What do you want to talk about?” There is a pause and Oliver watches Tank playing with his fingers, unsure of how to proceed. Oliver waits for him, taking spoonfuls of his cereal, patient as ever.
“Does it ever go away?” Tank finally asks and for a moment, Oliver can only look at him with confusion. “Loving someone.” Tank adds. “Does it ever go away?”
“Why are you...?”
“Because you love him.” Tank interrupts, his eyes now fixed in Oliver. They are sad and just now Oliver notices that Tank had been crying. “You know he is with someone else, he loves you, sure but he is in love with someone else. Yet, you still love him. Does it ever go away? Does it ever stop burning? Do you ever stop wondering what could you do to deserve a deeper love from him? Do you ever stop wondering what is it about yourself that is not as good as the other person?” Tank’s questions come one after the other and Oliver can just blink, surprised and unsure of what to answer first. It doesn’t matter, really because the answer is the same for all.
“No.” The ex-soldier says, once Tank stops talking. “No, it doesn’t stop. It will be more bearable, though. Just little pangs in your chest, the thoughts will happened only when you’re feeling the loneliest. and the love...The love never dies.” He leaves his spoon on the table, a sigh leaving his lips as he looks at Tank. “You learn to live with it, you learn to keep it to yourself. Because it might cost you his friendship and you wouldn’t be able to breathe properly if he isn’t there. You would survive, of course, you would be perfectly fine on your own. But there would always be something missing.”
“That’s not the answer I wanted.”
“I know. But it’s the truth. I don’t want to lie to you, Tank.” The injured one huffs, then looks at Oliver with the hint of a smile.
“You’re almost as good as Jarvis with this kind of crap.”
“No, I’m not. I just follow his example.”
“Do you still love him?” His breath smells of alcohol and there is a trace of blood going from his lips to his chin.
“Yes.” The dancer replies, simple and without hesitating. “Do you?” A nod and a sad smile are his answer.
Silence settles between them and for once it’s not awkward or tense. It is just the silence of two men, lost in their thoughts.
“He loves you.” The silence is finally broken and they look at each other. “He loves you and I hate you for it.” The fighter clenches his hands into fists, his bloody knuckles turning white.
“What makes you think that he does?”
“He said hello.” The blonde boy replies, looking down at his hands. “He hasn’t say hello to me. Didn’t even bother saying goodbye.”
“He said goodbye to no one.” It’s an attempt to comfort but it doesn’t work. A punch is thrown at the wall, aggressive and careless.
“He was going to marry me and he did n’t say goodbye.”
“Was?”
“Yes. I don’t think that is going to happen.” A defeated sigh and once more, silence. “I think he loves you more than he’ll ever love me. And it kills me.”
A part of Bones wants to feel bad for Tank, the other is filled with joy upon hearing those words. He wants to believe they are true. But he knows the pain Tank must be feeling so he says nothing.
“Do me a favour.” Tank mumbles, words slightly slurred. “When you see him, give him this for me.” Bones expects to begiven something, perhaps a letter or a present but Tank just leans over, pressing a kiss to his lips. Bones can taste the blood and cheap beer. He can also taste the salty tears that began falling from Tank’s eyes. “See you around.” Tank walks away as if nothing happened, tears and blood staining his face. Bones can only sit there, unable to react.
What a blessing and a curse, to love someone so deeply.
