Genetically Modified Democracy!
Kauai’s “Boss Seed” Carvalho Vetoes GMO Pesticide Bill
WE SPIED... Kauai mayor Bernard Carvalho proving that he is, indeed, the first Genetically Modified Human on earth with the vetoing of the pesticide-labeling Bill 2491... Sources say the rogue gene inserted into Carvalho’s genome sequence is probably a tapeworm, which would account for the copious amounts of Monsanto slush money he can consume without exploding... Also, if “Boss Seed” thinks doing this on Halloween means he’ll be getting further “treats” for his “trick” he may be in for a rude surprise come election time...
WE SPIED... Shamus the fearless football prognosticator, downing his cups at the Sidestreet Inn, announcing to all and sundry that if UH could go on a two-week road trip then he damn well could, too... When pointed out that a two week road trip on Oahu would require circling the island at least 56 times at current rates of travel and mph, he backtracked and offered this week’s analysis in short choppy snarls: Shamus here. The Death Crawl... Flatlining... Losing the game in the opening kickoff... None of it is fair. This team had an offense! 340 yards per game from Sean “The Snake” Schroeder shoulda meant a victory or two by now... But Norm Chow goes into a winnable Colorado State game and puts in not one but two sub QBs on single-snap trick plays and each g—d—n time it results in an interception... This isn’t coaching, it’s choking. Well, I’m mad as hell and I don’t know if I can take it anymore. Sure, I waffled and suggested UH could take Colorado State 36-30—but cavilled in the last line and said they wouldn’t. That was chicken---t of me. And I hated being right. CS didn’t score in the second half and still beat us 35-28. So let’s get it over with now. I have every opponent against U—but that doesn’t mean I don’t bleed lilikoi and Koloa rum. Which reminds me: Waitress, another please! Or so the inebriated expert expounded. We’ll spare you the rest and summarize. He says the team knows it has a monkey on its back. They should’ve beaten Colorado State by 10 points, even spotting them 2 TDs in the first quarter. The good news is that when you go this low, the worst is in your rear view mirror. The bad news for UH is that Norm Chow is driving the bus. In reverse... Utah State 33, UH 26... Let’s call it a night, shall we?
WE SPIED... At Point Panic last week a memorial for waterman, poet and good friend David Parrish hosted by his brother Duggar, mother Judy and old friend Robert Pennybacker... Many of the 50-plus crowd in attendance had been or were members of the Water Safety or Fire Departments where Parrish spent much of his working life... Others were bodysurfers, which was Parrish’s passion and, come to think of it, parish... Parrish was cameraman on the Mark Cunningham bodysurfing film Waves to Freedom, directed by Pennybacker, and also played the original thrash-rock score with Duggar and Albert Rosen... In 1999, the New York Times quoted him thusly: “According to David Parrish, a lifeguard, poet and bodysurfer, “It’s like flying into the wind.”