I love night time because its the only time where I can be alone and let my emotions flow. Its where i let my sadness out. I consume any and all materials of videos and songs that make me sad. I like to feel the connections of others being sad. Its comforting, you get to feel the emotions without going through it. I day dream of scenarios of where I'm happy. They don't last long because my memories of sadness are right behind them tied to a string. Maybe that's why I'm always optimistic, because I'm running from the sadness. Sadness that's mine, but also others. I never learned how to handle my emotions, I only learned how to not feel them. I know how to put them in a box and let them seep out of the crack till its empty again. At night time though i get to pick and choose how to let them out. It makes me sad, and at the same time gives me relief. Is this what depression is, or is this what healing is? Healing from something I never learned to deal with. At night time I tell my secrets to the moon, secrets that I don't even have but want to have. I look at the moon and it brings me peace. It brings me to a perspective of my problems being small. it resets me. Its how i can keep my optimism.
