A Mandatory Broadcast
Baal sat in front of a camera while holding a small stack of papers. His massive desk adorned with his sigil was in full view, as were the bright blue flames of his lanterns. This broadcast would go everywhere. There were no exceptions allowed.
"Subjects of Hell, it appears there's been quite a lot of grumbling going on about how things are and the way things could be lately. It think it's time we set the record straight and ease your concerns. I, as Principal King of the Ars Goetia, will be the one to deliver this message. This broadcast will be put everywhere and repeated for a while so you have no excuse to not have heard it."
"Let me go ahead and start with the big one. There's talk amongst the commons that we are 'out of touch' or 'behind the times' and that our chosen course of rule is simply ignoring better methods. Allow me to reassure our subjects that we know all about things like democracy and liberalism and all that the mortals enjoyed in modern life. We understand it better than you will ever know because we, the Ars Goetia, have seen its rise and fall across the millenia of human history. We know what it is; we chose not to implement it and continue to reject it. A little civics lesson for you all to explain why."
"When we fell from Heaven, we did so for a variety of reasons. I won't bore you with the internal politics of it all but there was no singular vision behind it. The only thing that was clear when we set up down here was that the Heavens weren't finished with us. There are some who are content with our banishment, but others still want us finished off. They want to see every soul in Hell- fallen, hellborn, and sinner alike- completely wiped away. To be rid of damnation entirely and instead offer annihilation. The exorcisms our Crown Princess so valiantly fought against were not the worst that could befall us; it was the compromise."
"We cannot afford an unstable government. That means an unstable army. Our very survival relies on always being able to beat back our eternal foes and keep interpersonal struggle localized."
"You hellborn: You mean well. You are not evil. You did not choose to be born to damnation. However, you are mortal. You have lifespans and that means your needs cannot see past your own existence and maybe that of your children or grandchildren. That is not your fault- that is simply the nature of mortality. The burden of seeing the long term on a scale of thousands of years is not one you need to bear. Nor can we trust that generations after generations will stay the course. Watching humans and what they've done with that has shown us time and again why we can't."
"Obviously we can't let the sinners run things either. I don't have to remind anyone that this is Hell, I hope. The mortals cast down here are by their very nature the worst that humanity has to offer and you have to be among their worst to rise to the heights of the overlords. Even presuming they can create something that won't tear itself apart in infighting, the rest of you would be far worse off with them in charge. Who would you trust with your well being more? Prince Vassago or Valentino of the Vees? Duke Astaroth or the Radio Demon? King Asmodeous or Overlord Zestial? Need I go on?"
"The Ars Goetia and the Sins are the only possible candidates for rulership in this situation because of the simple fact that we are eternal. And when you have that, a monarchy is the only logical choice. We have heirs to be sure, but only in the extremely rare chance of a worse case scenario. You saw the results of that trial with that imp who fled the axe. That will not matter in another one hundred years. Prince Stolas was spared it because his life will matter in a century. We are the only ones capable of properly protecting Hell. We cannot throw our own lives away the same way you can not at the risks we face. Our rules are strict more for ourselves than for you because we have to be conformed to the vision of King Lucifer in service to all. This is also why we have the legions and we keep the secrets of most spells to ourselves. This kind of power has to be used to reinforce everything to keep you safe from our enemies as much as from internal problems."
"You have entire rings to live in as much comfort and independence as we can give you. You have freedom to move between them, to speak your mind, to take up arms, to live as truly free creatures. Do you wish to be treated better? How much better can we treat you besides leaving you alone unless absolutely necessary? What more could we possibly offer that does not endanger our security?"
"The only thing- the only thing we ask of any of you is to not get involved in royal affairs. Not only are they simply beyond you through no fault of your own, but it introduces problems that we then have to clean up and distract us from our work. Stop trying to treat us like your friends, be content with your freedoms and quality of life, work together to improve your lots and surely your will attain royal support when it is needed. We only punish the meddling and the power hungry. Don't fall victim to the power grabs of the sinners, who want you to believe that their self-serving failed methods of governance will suit you better. They only work in the short term, for the people living right now until they inevitably fall apart into something far worse due to greed and lost vision. We are thinking of your descendants. To that end, I have a series of proposals I want to put into place after bringing them to the other kings. Rest assured your lives will remain untouched, but must consider reinforcing the stability of Hell."
"To that end, I will open the floor to the masses in a limited capacity. If there are any further questions I will be opening my desk to letters. When appropriate I will forward them to whomever is best suited to answer. Proper kings open themselves up to petition after all. I look forward to hearing from our subjects."
