Mar 18, 2025
Is it done yet? No, but she's pretty and I'm making progress!
seen from United Arab Emirates
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Is it done yet? No, but she's pretty and I'm making progress!
So good news bad news!! The good news! I GOT THE JOB!! HURRAY! The bad news, I will likely not be starting until after next week. So to deal with groceries and the last bills of the month I am opening up some more discount slots for my mspa full bodies and my regular half bodies!! And I'm even sprinkling in some Icons!!
Same prices as last time! The full bodies are 20 USD and the half bodies are 35 USD! I'm only doing my basic style icons so they are 25 USD!!!
Any boosts help me greatly and thank you for your support thus far!!! Please DM me if interested!!!
FULLBODS: 5/10 OPEN
HALFBODS: 4/4 OPEN
ICONS: 4/4 OPEN
I just gave myself my monthly migraine injection and my dog ran away as if I was gonna inject her next! Bitch you're MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT DOG what the fuck?! She's terrible at her her job damn it. *facepalm*
Mun's Attempt to Condense the Magnitude that is Fyozai
(Got asked why I shipped Fyozai when I returned this year so this was my try at summarizing. A lil edited)
// Fyodor and Dazai are two characters who dehumanize themselves (one lowering to where the sun doesn't shine and the other totemizing to heights nothing can touch), separated themselves from humanity, due to their own parallel yet specifically Dazai and Fyodor reason of consciousness and this inability to connect due to their off brand (for those who dehumanize them) language of human. Both suffer from self estrangement with Fyodor going as far as self annihilation (from what his outside material has demonstrated in his lines whether it's the Dead Apple Parody manga, Gakuen Fyodor, or Mayoi Fyodor's line about the beauty in the sadness to human life). Now, of course C&P is responsible just as much as Fyodor's psyche. This is the same with Dazai and NLH. C&P and NLH are ironic because they absorb people in a way, they become one with people, yet C&P and NLH are forever strained as if their touch is but a void. What is the use of such unity if there is an invisible wall that reminds the user (Fyodor/Dazai) and the usee precisely why C&P/NLH and Fyodor/Dazai are the way they are. It's tragic really. Moving on. Fyodor and Dazai are what you call The Looking Glass, not just typology wise, but in every sense. They reflect the other side in the way the White Queen is the other side of the Red Queen. An inverse I suppose. Not carbon copies. Fyodor's after is Dazai's before and Dazai's after may have been Fyodor's before yet ultimately, their nature is to be at the crossroad, the middle of it all, and their abilities reflect that.
// I predict Fyodor and Dazai are both singularities as well due to the massive contradiction in their existence. It reminds me of Rust in True Detective, "I think human consciousness is a tragic misstep in evolution. We became too self-aware. Nature created an aspect of nature separate from itself. We are creatures that should not exist by natural law. We are things that labor under the illusion of having a self, this accretion of sensory experience and feelings, programmed with total assurance that we are each somebody, when in fact everybody's nobody". Fyodor and Dazai have this uncanny perception that no other characters have in Gakuen, knowing that Gakuen is a fake reality (Shibusawa sort of knows as well) due to this hyper awareness of human nature yet this very hyper awareness of the human heart (both Fyodor and Dazai told Sigma the same thing in different words. Home is where your heart is. Your beloveds are where your heart is. Not the materialistic things like the Casino) is what makes Fyodor and Dazai look so inhuman, so detached, from their fellow humans. Where Dazai is learning to understand the finer things in human nature, Fyodor has rejected in favor of their predictability and kept stagnant due to it. Another thing about Fyodor and Dazai is their fantasia for escapism due to their early castration from human nature (we don't have their full backstories nor do we have when Fyozai first met so there's a lot of ? hanging around) and this is ironically such a great human desire representing more overtly in other characters in the medium. Asagiri stated that BSD is not for people who know how to live. Fyodor and Dazai are stuck in limbo with Dazai fighting this limbo ever since he heed Oda's words and found meaning that Fyodor has yet to find as Fyodor is looking at a higher purpose where he's almost untouchable, away from pain where Dazai has accepted (little by little) it.
// Nonetheless, the inverse themes are quite chef's kiss with these two down to the very last detail. In Gakuen, Fyodor wishes to escape the illusions whereas Dazai knows its an illusion but goes with the flow of life. They are the only two with such lines whereas Shibusawa talks about reincarnation, that he might have had another life, because Atsushi feels familiar to him. This is different than the existentialist escapism Fyodor and Dazai present. Another endearing thing about Gakuen is that Dazai and Fyodor hang out and when Dazai is spotted alone, Fyodor drops everything, runs to him, plays their favorite games and discusses things with him, keeps him company. They are never bothered by one another's presence though Dazai does make a little bratty jab about Fyodor's fondness for messing with his styled hair that Ango made but he adds that Ango will get mad at Dazai, that's why, not that he doesn't like it. Additionally, Fyodor's goal in Gakuen is to get Dazai to join the Apple Suicide Club and have Dazai's hand in commiting the deed. I want to note that when Fyodor first met Dazai in Gakuen, he was shocked at first that someone like himself existed and it made him hate Dazai at first because it was like looking at a mirror and if one suffers from self estrangement, seeing that they do in fact exist as there is another soul similar to them, this can cause whiplash and disbelief "so I am human?" However, Fyodor quickly grew fond of Dazai to this extent where Dazai became his main goal. It reads as "now that I feel human upon our meeting, I want to keep experiencing these human feelings that comes normal to most, with you". Recall that Dazai in Asagiri's interview essentially felt the same way, he felt human upon Fyodor's existence (+ Oda's), which you'll read in a bit.
// Dazai tends to hide his feelings better than Fyodor so we don't get to hear his perspective much other than Dazai first expressing annoyance and yet he found Fyodor's arrival amusing. He does pretend to get annoyed at first yet equally accepted to be Fyodor's main chess partner, being seen with him plenty, so that goes to show you how Dazai truly feels. But what really hits the spot for me are two other examples, one in the Dead Apple Parody and two in other outside sources. Fyodor in the Dead Apple Parody manga told Dazai that when you transcend life and death is when you can truly be free which is what he desires and Dazai in turn says he prays for his soul (something along the lines). In that moment, Dazai's mannerisms didn't seem like he was being sarcastic. It sounded like a joke but being genuine about his words, if that makes sense. Fyodor in a New Years Letter said (I'm paraphrasing) that no one ever listened to him, everyone abandoned him, almost as if no one saw him, and he said he will continue to be alone and that he was used to it (used to not being seen). But then he adds that Dazai made things less boring. The tone of the letter is tragic where that little line hits you hard. Dazai and Fyodor are incredibly lonely yet quite human but many don't tend to see that they are human just like everyone else. They tend to put them both on pedestals / glorify them or treat them as monsters (Fyodor and Dazai are called demons in the manga and in Gakuen).
// When I say this, I mean alternate versions of Fyodor and Dazai that do not suggest they deserve that treatment (the main manga/anime is different since I respect people viewing Fyodor the way they do). I forgot to mention but Fyodor and Dazai are the only two who humanize the interviewer in Gakuen out of all people that were interviewed in those segments (Shibusawa, Akutagawa, Atsushi, Kyoka, Nikolai, Sigma, etc.). Typically, people don't see the interviewer as a person but just a role so they don't think to ask about them. Dazai acknowledges the interviewer's existence through a more logical way, gauging the interviewer, sort of teasing, haha. Fyodor acknowledges the interviewer's existence through a more emotional way, reassuring the interview and wishing them good despite if the world is a scary place. Ah, I got a little sidetracked. Back to the letter. Asagiri had an interview about Dazai stating he was 2,000 years old in mind but still just a 20 year old (I believe). He then added that Dazai essentially felt the most human regarding Oda (his old friend) and Fyodor (a superhuman on the same level as him. Also adore the usage of superhuman instead of ability user. Aw Dazai). This echoes back to Fyodor who told Dazai they were two peas in a pod where Dazai did agree with him but also followed up with mentioning their way of viewing humanity was different, showing Dazai's character development there.
// I don't think Asagiri will do this but it would be poetic after all these bits of info from outside sources, that Dazai fights Fyodor with ultimate acceptance instead of coming at Fyodor with that wall where he can't give in (If you know Sherliam, this was Sherlock's dilemma as well). Irl Fyodor's philosophy of "love will save us all". C&P ironically reflects Fyodor's need for security (I don't want to spoil much) and if Dazai were to pull an uno and reach for Fyodor this way, he can disarm C&P through peace which gets me in my feels since NLH is OP (BEAST MANGA) and can be seen as anti to ability users yet NLH provides Fyodor with the exact blanket of humanity. Now we could go dark and say that C&P can fulfill Dazai's real desire of his own estrangement and with C&P, there is a twisted sense of the become, the one and all. But I am getting sidetracked again. Fyozai is a deeply philosophical and psychologically pair in the emotional sense so I don't expect for many to grasp their layers (what you're reading here is only a bit of it) and therefore, Fyozai isn't that appealing to many, with them going as far as to say there is nothing there - when evidence suggests otherwise. Last but not least, aw that panel of Fyodor/Helicopter and Dazai's expression. I am fond of both versions (anime and manga). His hidden longing there, the realization and acceptance of what his time with Fyodor's loss would result in, the reality of Dazai's own fragile humanity, both versions did their thing.
// Conclusion, Fyozai needn't words with one another, they see the other for who they are, but they're still hung up on very human wounds (inverse ways they deal with it) which is why Fyodor brings up cynical things when connecting with Dazai in the manga/anime and Dazai shows his willingness to connect but also keeps his distance due to trying to mature from the cynicism of their shared ostracization (remember, being bullied isn't the only form this can take! The complete opposite is true too). They're a bond where you don't have to constantly feel as if you must explain yourself at every turn (they see each other and know each other, but their purposes that drive them in the main manga/anime create reservations and this wall due to the circumstances / plot they have there). Who does not wish for perceptive communication with a kindred?
// Apologies if this came out as gibberish. I still haven't been assed to beta read it. Let's send it off with a simple quote from the 2004 movie Troy.
Fanon Fyozai Quote
"You gave me peace in a lifetime of war"
i just cried my fucking eyes out because i can’t go to a conference ive been REALLY FUCKING looking forward to because of scheduling issues but i lwk have to lock in for this science assignment
📝 Alcide
Favorite headcanon for your muse?
I don’t have any. Just the fact that he died and he’s in peace .
Update on my life:
Hello there! Its been a while huh? So I got married! The wedding was simple and nice, while all is fine we are currently facing some financial issues, car, and AC problems. The last week, the AC hasnt worked. The car is been on the mecanic for a month and a half now lol. And obviously the finance is just... tight with the marriage and still paying for the plane ticket and so on. Anyway... why Im saying it? Well... Emi didnt bring vir notebook or computer when ve moved to America lol.
I honestly hate tumblr on mobile and even with a Ipad is still weird, was going to try but as Im writing this, I just... blegh. Weird and clonk. So what? Will Emi give up on tumblr? Will Emi stop RPing because of losing friends? The answer is no.
Im going to keep playing on, I will hopefully be able to use hubby computer eventually until I get a pc for myself. So I can answer things here. Will I change to a new blog? I dont know. Probably not. I have been on discord, but sporadically. I take time to answer because I have been doing diamond art or puzzles or gaming. With that being said, I hope everyone is having fun and healthy!
My discord or tumblr IM is open if anyone ever want to talk, im not the type to start to talk so... that is why I dont start the conversation. That being said, I will keep lurking and around on mobile. Love you all.
Emi
Quick Update for Blogs...
There is going to be a slight Update to the Blogs as I have been away for a few months... rl tends to do that 😅
First: I am deleting 2 side blogs (but keeping the characters for a later idea). One is a October/Halloween type side blog and the other is a second rp side that I just want to get rid of... interactions on these side blogs will count and I will be keeping records of them...
Next, any rp that I was to reply to I plan on answering to continue. I Have been gone to long and must return to them... and I will be happy to start new ones, just ask and we can plan something~
Next: redo the story of my ocs. Not fully of course, the "Meet Mason" story and small snippets here and there will stay but the main thumb of Orchids story will be altered up to where they find a home with Yumi. Any OC meeting will stay the same [for OC convince]...
Finally, Life is still getting me [it gets us all] so will be slow still to reply, but I'm going to try to get back into it~
