Holsety!Levin and Sety - 40. separation
After Levin had sounded so hellbent on not returning to Silesia, the younger wind sage had finally given up and was on his way out, albeit with a lingering that made him feel as though he needed to go back. There was no use in that though, right? Levin had already said he wasn’t going back, and the man was not going to change his mind. Sety knew better than to keep pressing the subject when he had already gotten a firm refusal.
That was the way he believed this would go. That he wouldn’t look back now, because he knew he wouldn’t get another answer. His plans of continuing on back to Silesia were postponed when he heard Celice and Levin speaking, and It wasn’t that they were still talking that had stopped him; it was the spoken words from Celice that confused Sety. What did dragons have to do with… How did Levin break a dragon’s rule…?
He hadn’t moved at all despite the past paced thoughts, and he turned back as soon as his ears picked up on the fact that Levin had been about to leave. The teen found himself bolting right back for the throne room, Celice’s look of surprise at him returning so suddenly not the least of Sety’s concerns. No, his eyes told him instantly that Levin understood. He knew Sety had heard what had been said, and the confusion itself seemed to define his “son’s” existence at that very moment.
Dragons… Holsety… That made sense, and with the other words Celice had said to his father, the way they added up was not going in a direction the Silesian prince was comfortable with. His father was only a descendant of the bloodline of Holsety, but that wasn’t what their conversation would suggest. The discomfort fear Sety felt right now was nothing compared to the feelings he’d experienced during the war. Part of him was afraid to know the truth of this, but he knew better than to think he’d be content just leaving it alone, never asking, and never hearing the words from Levin himself.
Not coming back because he was going on a “journey”? Where would he possibly go? If Celice spoke the truth, then he was likely going back to his own land. The same distant land Celice mentioned. No… Silesia was his land. It had to be. This man was Levin, and he was Silesia’s king. Outer appearances, of course, would confirm that entirely. The thought that outer appearances were completely deceiving had Sety hating how fast his heart was pounding. Panic… This was… panic.
“Fath…er…” Why was that suddenly so hard to say? It didn’t feel right, and that only scared the prince more. Right… If he was lied to all this time, what was he supposed to do? How did this happen? “Where… are you going if you’re not returning to Silesia?”
The answer didn’t come right away, and Sety’s heart sank. He could tell Levin was looking for the right words, trying to find a way to explain this to him now that he knew Sety had heard what had really been going on. “…It’s not that I’m not returning. It’s that I can’t. Silesia belongs, as I said, to you now. And…” He paused, words failing him again. He had no choice but to explain, and it was Sety’s right to know. He had hoped he would never have to say this, but he couldn’t hide it anymore. He couldn’t. “…the person who truly would need to return is Levin himself. Your father, not I, should be the one going home… and were that possible, I would see to it that it happened.”
He really wasn’t his father… and the sheer pain that caused him had been too much for him to handle. It had hit him far too quickly as to what that really meant. All this time, he had aimed words of frustration and anger at his father, who was never to blame. On top of that, the person here right now had been helping them, guiding them, all these years. Protecting them… and him. Even the things he’d said or thought about this man in particular had too harsh for someone who had done nothing but help them.
“Then… my father… What happened to him?” It was plenty obvious, and he was sure he already knew. He didn’t want to hear it, but somehow, a foolish, naive part of him wanted to believe something of the real Levin was there still. That there was still a chance to get him back to Silesia, and that they could make up for the time that had been lost. If that were possible, even Fee would probably let up on the matter, knowing there was some other truth to it neither of them had heard of before.
“…Sety… I’d never intended to tell you about this… Truthfully, I had planned to keep it secret in hopes you wouldn’t have to be hurt by the truth… yet I realize now that this may have done a disservice to Levin as well. …Your father is dead. It’s been quite some time.” He noticed immediately that Sety’s body had stilled, breath stopped short. He looked so different than he always had. Strong, reliable, confident, assertive, unbreakable. None of those traits showed in him now, and all that was left was the teen who had practically flung himself at the man, soft and unwanted crying replacing all the strength he’d had left in him after the war.
All the things he’d said and believed, all those sharp edged words he’d directed at his father… All of it was completely unwarranted, and his true father had done nothing, absolutely nothing, to make Sety and Fee believe all the things they thought they knew. The crying aside, even without it, Sety knew he was shaking now. If he hadn’t felt Levin’s arms pull him in and hold him now, he was sure he wouldn’t even have the will to stand. Everything… All of it… It was a disaster, and Holsety knew the blame only rested on him for never telling Levin’s children what had really happened in the first place. Perhaps too soon wouldn’t have been good, and it certainly would have been too soon when Levin had died… but sooner than later, Sety would have been mature enough to be told about it.
He should have told them. The feeling of regret in Holsety was incomparable to what he’d felt at any time during his existence as “Levin”. Not only had this affected how people saw the king, but the man’s own children had thought they had been purposefully abandoned by their own parent. At the time, Holsety hadn’t been sure what to say. He hadn’t wanted to hurt the children, to have them know their parent had been murdered. Even aside from that, he couldn’t simply tell them that he was of dragonkin and had only come to this world out of concern for the well-being of the humans here. He couldn’t have said that because their father had died and possessed his major holy blood that it had been possible for him to take over the king’s body and control it, retaining most of his memories and using them accordingly to assume his identity.
In fact, it was also possible that if Levin hadn’t died, and Holsety hadn’t taken his body as a host, that Celice’s army may not have won this war. At the very least, it would have been much more difficult for them, and Celice would never have learned all the things regarding the original Holy War that he knew now. In some cruel way, it could have been that the world sacrificed Levin… or sacrificed Jugdral itself.
Those past few years Sety had spent searching for his father had been in vain. He had spent that time searching for a dead man, all the while being angry at him… and for what? Something beyond Levin’s control. It was because Sety understood this and all too suddenly that the impact and meaning of the notion was too much for him. He couldn’t even apologize to Levin; couldn’t even find the words to Holsety himself that would make anything he or Fee had said or done okay. The grip he had on the clothing of the body that no longer belong to his father only tightened as the tears got worse before letting up.
He didn’t care that Celice was still here to see this. There was nothing else in his mind that could replace the feeling of wanting to just die and never have to think about this humiliation and suffering again. Fury had also never known the truth and had died believing her husband left her. Not with hate, but he had still left, and it had been too much for the woman after Levin had left before during their childhood as well. After all was said and done, Levin had left again, and with no indication as to why. It had tore the whole family apart, but that wasn’t Holsety’s fault.
Sety knew now, understood now, that he had done all he could to try to make things easier on everyone in that family; to keep them from suffering. He had failed, but it had been out of such gentle intentions… The whole time, he wasn’t sure how to say it; wasn’t sure how to handle a family of humans who he couldn’t simply tell things like they were to. His intentions had been executed the wrong way, but who was to blame for that? The person who had taken Levin’s life. Not Levin; not Holsety. Just the feeling of those arms around him out of guilt made Sety understand that Holsety had done the best he could.
Even when he had the ability to speak again, soft sobs still trying to force their way back out, Sety didn’t raise his head to see Levin’s face. Part of him… didn’t want to. He wasn’t sure he could handle it now. “I know… you’re not my real father… but all this time, you’ve still been a father to me. With my real father gone, you replaced him as best you could and took care of us when you could, in your own way. I know I didn’t understand it back then… but I do now! You’re both my father… and I still… want you to come home!”
It hurt. Holsety could feel a nagging pain through Levin’s body, and he knew this was what it was like to be human. Despite how much he’d ruined of the lives of the Silesian royal family, Sety still considered him a father… and Holsety himself wouldn’t have possibly believed he’d been a good father to Sety nor Fee. With the way the girl had been so angry at him, he was sure the entire time that there was nothing he could do to make it up to her. Sety… had never given up on him. Not even after being rejected when the teen had finally found him after years. Even if their relationship was more professional because of the war and all those war meetings than father-son-like, Sety had done whatever he could to be close to him. As if he just… wanted his father to be aware of him, and to accept some part of him. To stop brushing him off with half-baked answers that only confused the prince more. “…I can’t.”
It was now that he moved away just enough to look up at him, insistence and a confused anger showing now in his eyes. “Why?! I know you’re not him… and I’m sure you have to go back sooner or later… but can’t you just stay… for at least another couple of years? At least until Silesia is restored to what it used to be! Can’t you just… stay…?” A shake of his head and Sety knew it was time to give up. All he wanted to do was cry again, but he was too stubborn to let that all back out so easily.
“I don’t belong in your world. Not like this, in this form. Besides, I need to return your father’s body to you. He should receive a proper burial. It’s your business how you go about telling Silesia of the news, and I don’t believe I even have the right to tell anyone after everything that’s been done. But, hey… I’ll always be watching you. So long as you possess that tome… and so long as you are of my blood, you and I, as well as Fee, won’t be apart. I would apologize to Fury, but can I ask that you do that for me? I wouldn’t know what to say to her… and her death was my fault. However, I don’t wish to cause you further grief by being there, leaving you to remember the person you’re looking at isn’t truly your father.”
That wasn’t untrue. Sety would always remember it, and would always be aware of it. Of course it would always be painful; but having neither of them there would be even more painful. He knew, though. Knew that Holsety couldn’t stay, no matter how much he asked. There he was, tearing them apart again with those words… and yet it somehow brought them closer all the same. Sety’s silence wasn’t unexpected, and he pulled the teen prince in to hold him, deciding it was now or never that he spoke his heart; one he never expected to have like this. Being in the body of a human, and being surrounded by them for so long… had been so influential.
“As long as you are of the blood of Holsety, you are my child… as was Levin. Whether I am Levin or Holsety, you are my son. Whether I am Levin or Holsety, if you would still accept me as your father, then there is no greater honor I can accept. Physically, I do have to leave. I hope to remain in your memory in a positive light, if you can still do that for me. I will remember you, Sety. I will always remember my son. He who was more of my son than any other.”
Though Sety surely minded that the tears forced their way back, the boy’s face again hidden, Holsety didn’t mind. It told him perfectly well that Sety wished for his presence to remain, and that he had already forgiven him. He would cry like this for a while… eventually exhaust himself and rest. Holsety would not leave in that time, and would watch over him before leaving. They could part properly instead of ending it all like this. Rather, Holsety couldn't bear to leave seeing this child’s face overcome with sorrowful tears. In the end, it was better he knew the truth. It was better he didn’t go on questioning his own father who had done nothing wrong
It was okay. Sety would be okay. He was strong, and much stronger than others his age. Rarely, very rarely, did he ever have such emotional sorrowful moments. It made sense that he would, but it was those very tears and that very pain that told both of them that all was forgiven now. Holsety would tell him what had happened in better detail when Sety awoke, better able to handle the truth. Sety would be okay… and Holsety would protect him all Sety’s life to ensure that.
