date: october 5, 2019. location: his apartment. word count: 967 words. summary: jinsun is tired™ but will do as he is told.
“hello.” his voice in the hallway echoed, the camera he had been given to record on trained on his sleepy smile, dimples appearing briefly as he made his way back to his apartment. “this is charm’s sunny.”
this was all his manager’s idea. jinsun would have been more than happy to continue with group activities, but apparently his image still needed work. they thought this would help him. he was sure nothing would at this point in charm’s career and was perfectly content with that. he didn’t even mind the concept of the show, but it was the idea that it would help him that drove him nuts. however, bc was less so. and for that, he was filming on his own terms — late at night, in his own element. they had wanted something softer, early in the morning when he was just waking up, but he felt better this way, felt more comfortable with people seeing him at the end rather than the beginning.
“it’s about 10 pm,” he lied easily, faking a glance down at a watch he never wore ( a gift from a fan, far too expensive and shiny for him ) as he settled into his couch. “forgive me for filming this before bed, charm has been working hard to show you all our best selves,” he explained, setting his camera on his counter, letting his smile turn more sheepish, seemingly embarrassed as he fiddled with the edge of the oversized bee shirt he had put on before he left the studio.
despite what his managers thought, his personality and image were both carefully planned, easily turned on when he needed it to be. just because he wasn’t invested didn’t mean he wouldn’t keep the soft smiles and sweet, boy next door image up. he allowed his expression to become more serious, look more like a member of the leader line. “i know you all had some questions for me but, uh...” as quickly as he put it on, it slipped away, the dimples reappearing as he seemingly searched the space in front of him. “i don’t have my — found them! — glasses on.” he put the glasses on, not even meant for reading, and picked up the piece of paper to read from.
“do i currently live in a dorm, with your family, or...” he mumbled to himself, tilting his head so his hair would flop over the side. “ah! charm was recently approved to move out of the dorms if we wished, so i live on my own now.” the smile faltered, dipping for just a moment to look more thoughtful, allowing a little bit of sadness to seep into his features more naturally. “truthfully, it’s been hard. i had a big family growing up and, with charm, had twelve brothers,” he mused, with a small sigh, bringing back the smile, more subdued. “i have never lived completely on my own before. it can be lonely, but the quiet is nice.”
“the biggest challenge...of living with others would probably be that i am shyer, especially at first,” he explained, gesturing with his hands so he wouldn’t tap his fingers. it would look too impatient, whereas it was more a sign of his inability to sit still. “with my members and my seniors in the company, it’s easier, because i know them well, but i can be quite quiet on first meeting.” the explanation had been given so many times, it didn’t sound rehearsed anymore. it flowed easily, different words for the same song. “but i’d like to move past my shyness and show everyone a more open sunny.”
jinsun glanced at his paper, trying to give the appearance that he really cared, maybe was even a bit nervous about this audition. “ah, i mentioned it briefly, but the hardest part for me now is living alone. i’m still adjusting to it and i miss the noise of the dorms most of the times.” this lie slipped off his tongue as easily as the first had. living alone was a blessing, the first time he had peace and quiet since he was very young. he did love his members, but in his own way — he didn’t need them with him constantly. “the boys have become home for me, so it feels like being away right now. but i — ah, i’ll just show you,” he mused with an easy chuckle, picking up the camera and moving to show the photos in the windowsill, carefully placed earlier for this very video.
“i’ve started decorating now.” there weren’t any of his actual family, the photos of his sisters and mother carefully tucked away in his bedroom to avoid showing them publicly, only keeping one that didn’t show their faces. “photos of family, i have some gifts from the members and my sisters too. it definitely helps make the place feel like home.” moving the camera through to show a wide shot, photos carefully hung throughout, little touches of life were scattered throughout the shot — just not his.
he switched the camera back around to himself, smiling brightly. “doesn’t it look nice? ah, anyways, i should really try to get to bed. it’s past time for me.” he lifted his hand to wave, eyes crinkling happily at the camera in a way he knew fans loved. “thank you kindly for listening to me and considering me. i hope to see you soon!”
he let the camera run for a few beats before turning it off, the smile immediately dissipating as he moved to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. a quick text to his manager that he would send the file over for approval before emailing it to the producers and he could settle back in for what he could only assume would be another sleepless night.
