IF LIFE AND DREAMS WERE BOTH PROJECTIONS OF THE MIND UPON THE BRAIN, LASTING WITH EMOTIONS UPON THE HEART - then why would one weight more in worth than the other?
If the emotion was real, where draw the line between illusion that caused it or not. In fact, I myself was only a dream to the people surrounding me now- or, a nightmare perhaps. A ‘what if’ because I was too surreal. And for I who was a dream, imagining reality was one too. It was difficult to believe, but I could vaguely picture it: what people imagined when I spoke my name. For one, a human. It’s strange, but not something I can deny. After all, when I drift to sleep I see myself as human as well. Would that make my fantasy their reality? Doubtful... Dreams were the realm in which the black dogs roamed, though they had gotten quiet upon my arrival here,
Again, there’s not a speck of their taint in this vibrant scene before me. It’s the same meadow as always. The sun is shining too, always. If I focus, I believe I can even smell the scent of grass that was recently graced by rain. Centuries of dwelling in my own mind have molded me into a very lucid dreamer, for better or worse.
She is there too, and I am glad for it. When I wake up, she isn’t there anymore- she hasn’t been for a very long time. So this is the only place I can meet her. If she disappeared from here too... I wouldn’t know what would happen. I believe my mind might just break completely, left for the beasts inside me to tear apart and swallow whole. And although she is only a figment of my imagination, so are all that die. But it’s so perfect, how the wind brushes against her robes and the birds take the breeze to begin their flight. As always, she smiles at me. As always, she greets me the same way. And still, I’ll never grow tired of it.
As usual, she asks for my well being and waits for me to pour my heart out. Under these eyes, my hands held, I feel like every attempt to lie melts in my mouth. Things have gotten simpler surrounding me I tell her, just like they used to be. There’s no fighting for survival and no bitter winter gnawing at the flesh of the living. However, I am a stranger here. I am strange here. Is it not a world that should sing praises and bask in the glory of the Tzar, is how she responds and immediately has me wavering. I... wonder about that. I’ve no interest in this world and I don’t know if it’s within my domain. There’s also Chaldea... I need time to think about it. As of now, it’s difficult without my army or abilities, but denying a world of my rule is something I shouldn’t even consider. Whether this place is even worthy of that, if there is such a thing... I cannot allow myself anymore mistakes. I drift away in thoughts, pitting destiny against duty.
Then she squeezes my hands and pulls me ashore, just like that. Once she has my attention, the Tzaritsa lets go and turns to face the nature surrounding us. Humble yet firm, she suggests me to look around then. “𝕷𝖔𝖔𝖐 𝖆𝖗𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖉?” I never stray from here. Look around some, decide for myself this answer. Ah, she’s right. She’s always right. My Anastasia, my beloved Anastasia... if it is for her, even for her memory, then I will wander.
-If dreams and the waking world are so close, if I myself am a fantasy, then surely I can find an answer for reality here too. Thus I bid her farewell for now, to explore beyond my dreams.
