@kaimultimuses
send “you okay?” to find my muse sitting alone on a roof at night. ( x )
...Why did he have such a hard time adjusting to change? Recently, Shu had been treating him with an almost uncharacteristic kindness and Mika had difficulty processing it, to the point he couldn’t help but wonder if Shu was simply taking pity on him... and he didn’t want that. Between Shu’s change in behavior, and him looking for an apartment for him, Mika was genuinely afraid that he’d be thrown away for good. It pained him, so Mika didn’t want to think about it... but the possibility was there, and it tormented him internally.
Not to mention, Shu had been trying to convince Mika to be more ‘human’... but Mika didn’t want that either. He didn’t care. To him, being ‘human’ meant to be imperfect, fallible and corrupt. That’s why he wanted to be Shu’s doll... because to him, being a ‘doll’ mean he’d be perfect, obedient and pure... even if he happened to be a broken, defective one at that. But as long as he could serve a purpose and be of use to Shu... that’s all that mattered in the end.
So why? Why did it hurt so much?
Mika clutched his arms and held back a choked sob, trying his best to resist the urge to cry. Between the stress of school work, part-time work and idol work, not to mention the emotional strain of his conflicting feelings, he was just so, so tired...
But when he heard a cheerful little voice call out to him, Mika jolted up, frantically rubbing away the tears that had welled in his eyes in an attempt to save face in front of whoever had addressed him... “ H-Harukawa-kun? What’re you doin’ ‘ere...? It’s so late, shouldn’t ya be at home? Or are ya ‘ere ‘cause yer busy practicin’ or workin’...? Don’t overdo it, ‘kay? ”
“ Nnh... ‘m fine, so you don’t gotta worry ‘bout me. ‘m sorry... ”