( ━ shirogane hugged his knees tightly to his chest to warm himself from the cool gusts of arctic air . his grip was tight and his nails dug into the fabric of his pants slightly . it was a little lonely , but it was okay . being alone on the top of a mountain was okay . there wasn’t a lot of space , nor was there anything to do- but . . .
to him , it was okay . that was fine . if he was somewhere far , far away from everyone; then no one would get hurt . no one would feel disgust from being near him . no one would have to be mean to him . how could someone be mean to someone when they weren’t around ? everything would be so much safer here . he should stay here .
loneliness wasn’t something he could die from , was it ? sure , he was a pack animal but . . . come on . there was no pack around him . he would have to travel back to his homelands and be ridiculed all over again for his crimes . he was so foolish for even considering anyone on this current isle to be his pack . no one could get close to someone like him . a no good , pathetic , stupid , bad-luck bringing lone wolf .
there were perks to being alone ! maybe rocma would be happier without him around . rocma and mafuyu could be closer than ever without worrying about the mood dropping when he showed up on accident ! peraco could have her siblings build everyone new homes and then use the cave as somewhere to play in ! rock could go fishing and catch all the fish he could eat ! suno could . . . er . . . he wasn’t sure what suno could do , but he would be happier without shirogane around . that was for sure . yukisada could . . . yukisada could have a calm domestic life like before . he was happy before saving shirogane and he could easily be happy again . no more burdens , no more extra mouth to feed , and no more tears to clean up after . who else ? who else would be better without h-
suddenly growling the orca’s name , shirogane blinked twice and covered his mouth. his teeth clenched down as he continued to growl for some reason .
❝ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ❞
what the hell was he thinking ? no way . . . there was no way he could kill that orca , could he ? sure . . . everyone hated his guts- but who did they hate more ? did they hate shirogane or idate more ? which one was it ? would they rather live with a murderous fiend who wrecked havoc all over the isle ? or would they rather have a useless , coward like himself ? he was a freeloader and all but . . . maybe he had something that idate didn’t have .
shirogane had the advantage here , didn’t he !? didn’t that mean- yeah ! yeah- he- that had to be an advantage ! he could . . . if he got his harpoon from the cave storage then . . . that could help with his advantage ! ! ! his tail was wagging and his ears perked up with interest .
❝ idate has someone to live for . he’ll probably back down if i’m winning- but even if i lose . . . ❞ shirogane stood up and reached his paws out to the sky .
❝ it doesn’t matter ! i don’t have anyone to live for and i can die a hero ! ! ! ! i don’t have anything holding me back ! ! ! i can do this ! ! ! i can stop being useless ! ! ! ❞ )
