#((i guess i do...))

[maureyk]

“In the relationship of love, we have the lover and the beloved. The lover lives the relationship with passion, devotion and romanticism. The beloved simply enjoys being worshiped. I’m not saying being a lover is a bad thing. Don’t get me wrong, please. But do you know what? Lovers suffer a lot, dear.”

[tavi-hayes]

challenge five ~ a night to remember

((this is longgg (12k) please please please ignore the spelling/grammar errors. also this is the best i could do when it comes to writing, i’m sorry. big thanks to all the lovely people who did rps with me. pia @brookelynnsanders​ and ana @itzelbm-oc​ you two are wonderful, i can’t believe i got to be a part of a britzel rp! chris @leanarg​ my hero, thank you for fixing tavi’s dress and helping me with a specific part of this fic, i seriously wouldn’t have been able to do it without you, and also thank you for that fun rp! and finally anna @hugo-stanton​ thank you for the nice rps, you always bring a smile to my face! finally to anyone who is going to read this, enjoyyyy!))

The reflection in the mirror is staring back at me. It’s weird seeing myself with straightened hair instead of curls. It had taken my maids over an hour to create this hairdo, working with two hair straighteners at the same time.

I reach up a hand to touch it, but Carla appears out of nowhere and she slaps my hand away. “Do not touch your hair,” her voice is firm, but the usual sharp sting is not there right now. That’s a first. “Your sweaty hands will ruin all of our hard work.” She pushes a towel into my hands, ordering me to dry them. I quickly and quietly do as she says. My hands aren’t even that sweaty.

I place the towel on the sink and look back into the mirror again. This dress is unreal, hugging my body in all the right places. It makes me look elegant yet fierce and maybe even a little sexy, but of course it’s still appropriate for a ball.

My only problem with this dress is the colour: white. Prior to the ball, we’re supposed to attend a dinner and that may be the biggest obstacle of all. If I spill even a tiny bit of food on myself, the beautiful and soft fabric of my dress will be ruined.

A knock on the door startles all three of us. My maids exchange a look I can’t quite place. Carla grabs me by my elbow and turns me around so I’m facing her. She quickly looks me up and down with a critical look in her eyes. “Don’t clasp her hands together during the photo moment. It will look like your protecting your… you know.”

That is something I never thought I would hear her say. But based on her stern facial expression and the earnest tone in her voice, I can tell that she isn’t joking. I quickly unclasp my hands and let my arms hang besides my body instead. Carla gives me a nod, “better.” She pushes me towards the door at the same exact moment Willa opens it.

“Hello,” someone says in a deep voice I don’t recognize, “I’m here to escort Lady Octavia.”

I need an escort now?

I step into the doorway and the unknown man makes me a little bow. He seems to be around my age so that’s kind of a relief. At least I’m not accompanied by some weird older creep.

His eyes really stand out, they’re a dark shade of brown with a little sparkle in them. They remind me of Bambi’s eyes.

As a way of greeting, I curtsy. But it doesn’t go as smoothly as I had hoped, given that it’s a skill I still hadn’t mastered. The eyes of my maids are burning in my back, I will definitely hear about this later.

The guy offers me his arm and I gladly take, eager to get away from Willa and Carla because let’s be honest they could scold me for that poor attempt of a curtsy right now.

When I look back at them, for the first time I think I might see a positive emotion on their faces. Could they be proud of me? Or maybe they’re just happy to see me gone for one evening? It’s probably the second option.

If someone had told me 6 months that I would be attending a ball in the palace, I would have called them crazy. But now here I am and it’s happening. Life can be very unexpected.

I wonder if my family would even recognize me if they could see me now. Right now I look nothing like the Tavi from back home. She only ever wore band tees and jeans, earphones in during most of the day. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s just that the difference between that Tavi and the one here in the palace is remarkable. The one here, me, looks presentable and put together. She wears dresses and heels and she spends most of her time in the library, reading law books. But it isn’t just my appearance that changed, it’s the inside as well. I have learned that not everyone in the higher castes is the same; that my family and friends mean the absolute world to me and I miss them terribly; and most importantly that it’s okay to talk about the shit in my past, because there are people willing to listen.

“Lady Octavia?”

“Yes,” I say, suddenly realizing we’ve almost reached the dining hall. All the other girls are already here, waiting for the doors to open. I turn to Bambi who has a content look on his face. I let go of his arm. Now that we’re just waiting, there is no need to hold on to him. “Sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

“It’s Jakob Condle,” the smile on his face reaches his eyes. I don’t know what to say in return so I just nod. Thankfully someone calls out to him, saving me from this awkward moment. He excuses himself before he walks a little further down the line of people.

I sigh in relief, grateful for his chatter to be directed at someone else for the time being. He is the first palace staff member, or whatever his function here is, that I’ve met who talks this much. Not that I’ve met that many of them, but I thought they would only give you necessary and clear instructions, like my maids did. But okay, maybe he just needed someone to listen to him.

“How are you tonight?”

I recognize the voice immediately, it belongs to someone who I enjoy talking to. I turn in the direction of the speaker. “Oh hello,” I return the smile Hugo is giving me. “I'm alright thank you. What about you? Excited for the ball?”

“I'm mostly okay and mostly excited. Are you ready for it?”

“I think so, I don't really know what to expect.” Now that he’s glancing down the hall, I have the perfect opportunity to look at him without him noticing. Hugo is looking very good, all dressed up like this. Very charming and …

I catch myself: Tavi! Friends remember?

“You look nice by the way.” That’s something one friend can say to another, right?

When he looks back to me, there is a little blush on his face. Did I say the wrong thing? I didn’t mean to make him uncomfortable. “The dress you picked is lovely.” His smile is a bit different from the one I remember so well.

I narrow my eyes a little, I can’t quite put my finger on what the actual difference is. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing!” he says that so quickly that I start doubting whether that’s true. Speaking from my own experiences, I know that saying nothing doesn’t always mean nothing. “Sorry, it's just been a long day.”

“You know you can talk to me, right?” That is the very least I could offer. Especially after he had listened to me rambling about my dad and everything coming with that. “If you want to of course.”

This time, he gives me his normal smile. “It's just that I actually wanted to see if you would want to dance with me later. Only if you want to of course.”

I’m surprised by that, I hadn’t thought anyone would want to dance with me. And why is he asking me this now? He could’ve waited till the actual ball was starting. I don’t mind though, at least now I have something to look forward to. I chuckle softly, “don't be silly, of course I'd want to dance with you.”

If there is anyone I would want to be a witness of my poor dancing skills, it’d be Hugo.

As friends of course.

“I'd love that. Thank you.”

“There is absolutely no need to thank me.” As if I would ever say no to him. But I still get the feeling like something is wrong. I put my hand gently on his arm, “are you sure you're okay?”

“Yeah, I've never been better.” The smile on his face grows bigger and bigger. “I'm just looking forward to tonight.”

A smile appears on my own face, “I'm glad to hear that. Are you a good dancer?”

“I might accidentally step on your foot, full disclosure.”

This dance is going to be great then since my own dancing capacities are very limited. Just the idea of it makes me chuckle. “I can't promise I won't do the same thing to you.”

“I don't mind,” he shrugs. “If anyone's going to step on my feet I'm glad it's you.”

Is that a compliment?  A smile automatically appears on my face. “That's what you're saying now.”

“Then you can ask me after too.” The smile on his face widens.

A hush falls over the crowd, piquing my interest. But I just can’t stop looking at Hugo and his beautiful smile.

Eventually my curiosity gets the better of me and I turn around to find out what caused the sudden silence. Oh. It’s the prince with an unknown woman by his side. I had overheard my maids talking about international royals coming to visit for the ball, so maybe this woman is one of them?

Now what is he doing? Is he laughing? I didn’t know he was capable of that.

And then, a whisper near my ear. “I'll see you later?”

“Of course,” I say as quietly as possible. Whispering is also not one of the things I’m good at and I obviously don’t want to steal any attention away from precious prince Arin.

I shift my gaze to see Hugo back away. He smiles one more time at me before he turns around.

A new presence appears at my side and I turn my head to see who it is. Oh. It’s the guy who’s supposed to escort me, Jakob aka Bambi. He gives me a smile, but it just isn’t the same as Hugo’s. I force myself to smile back as a way of greeting.

He offers his arm again. As I take it, I notice that everyone around us is already in formation. The doors open and one by one us girls are escorted into the dining room.

The first thing I notice are the different tables. We used to be seated on round tables, all spread out in front of the royal table. But now there are 2 rectangular tables facing each other, creating 90 degree angles with the ends of the royal table.

Jakob leads me to my place. It’s almost at the end of the right table, for which I’m glad. I’m almost as far away from the eyes of the important people in this room. So if I make a fool of myself, or spill food on my dress, the only people noticing would be the 2 girls sitting beside me.

I let go of Jakob’s arm, but when I reach for my chair he beats me to it, pulling it away from the table. I mumble a thank you to him, knowing that he probably means well. But still, I’m perfectly capable of letting myself sit down on a chair.

He gives me a quick nod before he disappears.

A couple of minutes later, Brooke appears out of nowhere. “Hey girl.”

“Hi hi. I’m glad to be sitting next to you again.” I truly mean it, there is no better company than Brooke.

“As if they could rip us apart,” she winks as she sits down on the chair on my right.

Well technically they could. “It would be a crime if they did that.” We’ve been mealtime buddies since the beginning. If we ever got different seating assignments and Brooke would no longer be sitting next to me, that would make one quiet meal. I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to.

Once all of us have been seated, the international royals enter the room followed by the Illéan ones. My eyes fall on Hugo. I simply can’t help myself. But who is that girl by his side? Could that be the sister he spoke of? But they look nothing alike, I feel slightly confused.

I decide to avert my gaze and focus on who else enters the room. These royals really know how to dress up for events like these. All of their outfits suit them so well.

Then there comes the prince. The one we were all supposed to fall in love with. Safe to say that didn’t happen to me. I feel like during that awful paintball date we settled into a mutual feeling of dislike. Something could probably be done to fix it, but I hadn’t felt like putting my time and energy into that. And neither had he, to be honest. We hadn’t spoken since that date.

I don’t understand why I haven’t been eliminated yet, he could simply tell me to leave and I’d be gone.

But for the time being I’m kind of grateful that I am still here. I get to spend all the time I want in that library, still hoping to find something that could help my dad. And, I’ve got to spend more time with the nice people I’ve met. I’m not complaining.

* * * * *

When dinner is over everyone is moved into a big ballroom. There are decorations everywhere. I didn’t know iridescent colours could be a theme, but this sure is working and it’s beautiful.

I don’t even know where to look. Everything looks perfect.

In the fuss of switching to another room, I’ve lost sight of Brooke. Now I’m all by myself and don’t really know how a ball is supposed to work. It’s not like I’ve ever attended one before.

I find a nice spot near one of the walls where I can quietly observe the other people in the room. I see people mingling with others, standing near the drink table, or simply doing the same thing as me. There are also people dancing, which seems to be the main event here. Then my eye falls on the orchestra not that far away from me, playing the most beautiful music I’ve ever heard. It’s a great mix of classical music and instrumental versions of popular songs. I know how I’m going to spend my evening.

I have no clue how much time has passed as I’ve been so absorbed by the music, but at some point my gaze lands on Brooke who is just heading my way. “Hello,” I say, smiling at her. “Are you enjoying the ball?”

She doesn’t look to happy. “Not so far…”

“What's wrong?” I tuck some hair behind my ear, just then remembering Carla’s firm words. I wasn’t allowed to touch my hair. Well too late for that now. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” she hums as she looks around. “I just need to get something over within a few.” She turns to look back at me then with a smile on her face but it doesn’t feel that genuine. It doesn’t reach her eyes. “How have you been?”

I still feel a little worried about my friend. What if she got herself in trouble? I really do hope she would tell me, but I don’t want to be annoying so I decide to let it go. For now. “I'm alright thanks.” My eyes go to the many decorations around the room, catching the light every now and then, reflecting all possible colours. “This is quite a party, isn't it?”

“It definitely is,” a sigh escapes her. “I am happy I found a way around wearing one of those gowns...” But then she scoffs and shakes her head, “also have you found the bar already?”

“You look stunning, Brooke,” I say, and I mean it. That power suit is perfect for her, it complements her so well. It’s literally her personality in an outfit. She looks amazing. “I don't know if there is a bar, but I believe there is a table with all sorts of drinks,” I look around, trying to spot the table. But there are too many people crowding around us, I can’t find the table anymore.

My compliment earns me a light smile. “Thank you Tavi. So do you.” Before I even know what’s happening, Brooke grabs my arm and drags me to the drink table. Of course she’s the one who spotted the location of the alcohol.

There are so many different glasses lined up on the table. I’m guessing each type of drink has its own glass but, given my limited knowledge on the matter, I honestly have no clue what it all is. I recognize the ones with champagne though and stay far away from those glasses. Not a fan. “What even is all of this?”

Unlike me, it seems like Brooke doesn’t care what she puts in her mouth. She just grabs the one closest to her and downs it in one go. “No clue.”

I eye the table again. Some glasses are filled with some brownish liquid. I’m not sure if it’s whiskey but I’m not about to try my luck. I don’t have a lot of good experiences with that specific drink. Just thinking about the last time, when Brooke had brought over those bottles, I can already taste the flavour in my mouth. Plus it had given me one of the worst hangovers I’ve ever had. Or maybe that had more to do with the fact that I had finished almost the entire bottle…

I decide to go for some clear drink. Perhaps this is just regular water? I take a little sip, yeah definitely not water. It tastes like a gin-tonic, with a very very distant hint of gin. But alright. I turn around to face the dancefloor again. People are dancing around like they have no care in the world. It’s quite magical to watch them move completely in sync with the music.

“So what's this thing you've got to take care of?”

I slightly tilt my head, waiting for Brooke’s response. Her face tells it all, she’s worried. “Gotta break up with the princey.”

I almost drop my drink. That is not what I was expecting to hear at all. This could only mean one thing. “You're leaving?”

She nods her head, “I didn't come for the love of the prince.” She sighs, but there is also a hint of smile. It lights up her entire face. “But I found love nonetheless.”

Weeks ago, she told me she didn’t think she had ever been in love. And now hearing her say she has found it, I feel so happy for her. I can barely contain my excitement as I grab her arm. “You did?”

“You know Itzel - am I right?”

“Oh my god Brooke!” I throw my arms around her and hug her tightly. I completely forget about the glass I’m holding and my drink spills all over my hand. But I don’t care about that right now. The only thing that matters in this moment is Brooke. “I'm so happy for you.”

“Thank you Tav. Didn't think something like that would ever happen... But it did.”

“You deserve it.” I hold onto her for a little moment longer. When I let go, I find her grinning at me. “Tell me. How did this happen?” She never mentioned anything during mealtimes and I never noticed anything different about her. I do remember the sparkle in Itzel’s eyes every time she mentioned Brooke when we were in the music room though. It makes sense.

“Thank you.” The smile on her face grows bigger and bigger. “You are actually the first person to know.” There is a brief pause. “I just randomly ran into Itzel at my runs a few times. And I don't really know. But she just - it just feels so right being around her. I actually never thought that I... You know. But I actually can't imagine a life without her anymore...”

I can’t help but smile myself, Brooke deserves the absolute world. “That sounds so great. And Itzel is such a kind soul.”

“She is indeed. Shines bright like the stars.” Brooke is practically glowing with happiness.

“Where is she now?” I look around the room but I don’t see Itzel’s face anywhere. Seriously why is Brooke over here talking to me when she could go and have fun with the lady of her heart.

“I haven't seen her yet - but she should show up any minute.”

“Hm,” I don’t recognize the song the orchestra is playing now, so I will definitely have to look into that. The cellos play the most beautiful notes, their sound flowing perfectly through the music created by the rest of the orchestra. But still they manage to stand out among the other instruments. “How are you going to drop the news to the prince?”

“I still haven't found a sensitive way to be honest. I was slightly debating sending him a ‘breakup’ cake.” I can hear the nerves in her laugh.

The thought of a breakup cake makes me laugh, that’s definitely something Brooke would do. “That would have been funny. Do you think he'll be upset or something?”

“Probably more relieved.”

I take a sip from the now half-empty glass in my hands. Such a shame that most of the drink got spilled on the floor. “Then why are you nervous?”

“Cause then it's really real.”

I reach for Brooke’s hand. I wish I could do anything to help but this is something she and Itzel need to do by themselves. “You'll be fine, you deserve happiness and love.”

That’s when Itzel joins us. “Ladies, I hope you are having a wonderful evening now that I have arrived.”

Brooke says something and then winks at Itzel. How did I not know there was something more between them? “Itzel hello! You look gorgeous.” The dress she’s wearing suits her so well, the colour of it really makes the brown in her eyes stand out.

Itzel smiles at me. “Tavi! Awww,” she waves her hand to shrug off my compliment. “And you look stunning! Very sophisticated and ready to rule the world.”

That makes me laugh. Ready to rule the world is definitely the vibe I’m going for. Just hand me crown already.

I thank her anyway.

“And Brooke, you seem ready to break a couple of hearts. Very...” Itzel hums as she looks at Brooke from head to toe. “Ethereal.” Brooke replies with an eyeroll. They’re so adorable, it warms my heart. Then Itzel turns to me with wide eyes. “Oh Tavi. I heard your band and told ya I actually enjoy it. Not what I usually listen to, but definitely have amazing songs.”

“Oh really?” I had forgotten about her promise to listen to my band’s music. “I actually didn't expect you to enjoy our music. But I'm glad you did. Thank you.” The fact that she put in the effort to look for our music makes me smile. We’ve been working so hard on creating our own music for years, making it extra special to hear someone saying they like them. It means the world to me.

Itzel nods her head, “Yep. I actually sent it to my dad and he loved it. Says it's right up his alley. No problem, Tavi.” Before I can reply, she clears her throat and looks between me and Brooke. “So what were you two talking about? It looked quite serious.”

She had talked about her dad during our last encounter. She said music was like an escape for him. Just like it is for me. “Your dad really sounds like a man after my own heart.” Brooke is holding out a drink to me and I take it and thank her. I feel like I shouldn’t be the one to tell Itzel what we had been talking about so I remain quiet, hoping Brooke will open her mouth.

Itzel laughs because of my comment about her father. “What can I say many ladies were, and obviously are still, enchanted by my father.”

I really wonder who would be able to resist a man like her dad. He ticks off all the essential boxes. Too bad he is already married and has children. And I could be his daughter. What a shame. I can’t help but laugh.

No one has answered her question yet, but the laughter has died down, resulting in a silence. Itzel tilts her head, patiently waiting for an answer.

Minutes go by before Brooke finally replies, “ohhh I just told Tavi about the scene we will cause in a few.” She nudges Itzel with her elbow.

“Ah, I see.” She chuckles softly. “It's going to be grand. A good way to end this, at least that's what I think.” Itzel shoulders relax a little, I hadn’t notice how tense she was. I could only imagine what their conversation with the prince is going to be like. It must be nerve-wrecking, having to tell him you’ve found love elsewhere. “If things go south, then I have the necessary help to make a run for it. Me and my beautiful lady.”

I look between the two of them, a warm and fuzzy feeling falling over me once again. “I'm so happy you two found each other.”

“Tavi stop being so sappy.”

I shoot Brooke a look, “sorry I can't help it.” What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t feel any kind of joy for them?

Itzel links her arm with Brooke’s, smiling at me. “Well thank you, Tavi. I'm sure you'll find someone who makes you feel...all these feelings.” I myself am not so sure of that. If only someone would change his mind. But I don’t see that happening in the near future. Or ever.

Brooke and Itzel start talking about a dance. I’m the obvious third wheel here and they deserve to have a moment for themselves. “I take this as my sign to go?”

But that is not what they have in mind apparently. Brooke smirks at me and drags both me and Itzel towards the dancefloor. “No one is getting out of this party without shredding the dance floor with me.”

Itzel laughs at that. “Guess not, Tavi. It's a party and Brooke isn't gonna let us go easily.”

There is nothing I can do to stop this anyway, so I decide to just go with it.

The orchestra is playing the instrumental version of some popular song. Without a dance partner or a list of dance steps to follow, I can now freely move on the beat of the music. Such a relief.

Brooke is doing the same as I am, having fun while breaking into some dance moves. Itzel on the other hand seems to be a little more hesitant. But Brooke manages to twirl her around. They both look so happy with bright smiles on their faces.

I take a few steps backwards to let them have their movement. That’s the least I can do.

At some point, Itzel makes her way over to me pulling Brooke with her. “I'm slightly intimidated by how well you two seem to dance.”

That makes me laugh. “Don't look at me, Brooke is the pro here.” She really has a natural feeling for the rhythm in music, making it all look so very easy. Next to her, everyone else looks more like an amateur.

“Would have been a waste of money if that weren't the case,” Brooke replies.

“Well... I'm going to get a breath of fresh air. You two carry on.” Before Itzel walks away, she plants a quick kiss on Brooke’s cheek.

They really seem like the perfect pair, balancing each other out. Adorable.

“You okay?” I ask Brooke once Itzel has disappeared. Something about her facial expression has changed, perhaps she’s worrying about her upcoming talk with the prince again.

“Yeah...” She sighs deeply and stops dancing. “I just realized it's probably gonna be my last night here.”

I stop dancing as well. I hadn’t realized that she will be leaving the palace so soon, but of course it makes sense. Why would the prince keep her here? “Are you going to miss it?”

“Never thought I'd say it,” she says as she turns to look at me. Her eyes betray her nervousness. “But yes...”

I link my arm with Brooke’s. “Come on, let’s get you another drink.” I know that doesn’t solve anything, but perhaps it could take some of her nerves and worry away.

I let go of Brooke as we reach the drink table again, handing her a drink. “What are you going to miss the most?”

“You... And maybe the food…”

Hearing her say that, breaks my heart. We had walked into this experience together and now she’s leaving. “I'm glad you put me before the food. But I'll miss you too.” Terribly. I know it’s a little selfish, but I don’t want her to leave me behind. Who am I supposed to talk to during mealtimes when she’s gone?

“Was a thin line.” And then she’s pulling me into a hug.

I don’t want to let go of my friend. Can’t she just stay by my side forever?

But I know she can’t, especially now that she has Itzel. They deserve to start a life together. Let them have their happiness.

“Group hug?” Itzel says from behind me somewhere.

I laugh softly, “please join in.” And so she does.

“My loves,” Brooke says, hugging us even tighter.

When we let go of each other, I can’t help but feel very sad. How will I survive this without my friends?

I’m not really listening to what Brooke and Itzel are talking about what else they’re going to miss. Itzel says something about a small forest and by the look on her face I can tell something has happened there. I don’t want to know the details of that.

“Tavi?” Brooke voice brings me back to reality. She’s holding a little eyeliner pencil towards me, “phone number.”

I take the little pencil from her and write down my number on the wrist she’s offering. “You can call me any time, okay?”

“Watch me call you 5 seconds after I left this place.”

Itzel laughs, “or we could kidnap her every now and then, I'm sure she's allowed to leave the palace if she'd like.”

Brooke raises her eyebrows at that. “Promising plan.”

Itzel winks, “exactly. Like I have been saying before I have eyes and ears here. It could work.” For some reason I don’t think she’s exaggerating.

“I can leave on my own account, you know. No need for a kidnapping action.” And besides that, I feel like my days of staying in the palace are soon to be over anyway.

“Shhhhh kidnapping sounds more fun,” Brooke winks at me. Yeah sure, of course kidnapping sounds fun to her. She’s not the one being kidnapped.

“It's no fun if it's too easy,” Itzel says, crossing her arms. These two really are a match made in heaven, aren’t they?

I look from one to the other, suddenly unsure whether they’re joking. “Can you at least warn me in advance?”

Brooke shrugs her shoulders. “Sure - we'll give you a smog signal.”

“I will stay near a window at all times then.”

Itzel seems way too excited for this, “Sounds like a plan!”

I’m going to miss these two so much. “This place is going to be so dull when you two are gone.”

Brooke hands something to me. “For the bad times.”

I take the package from her and look at it. Of course. Weed. What else could I have expected from her. “Thank you Brooke, you really are a great friend.” A little bag of weed is all I ever wanted... But still I appreciate the gesture.

“Camping trip once this is all over?” Brooke’s gaze shifts between me and Itzel.

We both agree. At least I have something to look forward to now.

Brooke and Itzel go into a different direction. Perhaps they’re on their way to the prince for their chat. Or maybe they just need a little more time with each other before that moment.

I make my way back to one side of the room, the spot where I can go enjoy the music without being in the way of people. I realize I’m still holding the little package of weed in my hand. What am I even supposed to do with this? I didn’t bring a bag and my dress doesn’t have pockets. There is only one other option, I try to tuck it into my bra without anyone else noticing. Hopefully it will stay there.

* * * * *

A sudden tap on my shoulder surprises me. The music had consumed me once again. I didn’t notice someone had approached me. But when I turn around and see who is standing there, I feel disappointed. It’s not the person I was hoping for.

It’s Bambi. Or should I say Jakob?

“You promised me a dance,” he says, offering his arm to me.

Oh god. I don’t remember that but I must have agreed to it during our walk to the dining hall, when I hadn’t been listening to anything he was saying. Sigh. Is it too late to say no now?

After some serious debating in my head, I take his arm. I don’t want to dance with him but the other option is rejecting him on the spot and that may be even worse, especially if he is going to cause a scene.

He leads me to the dancefloor. Other people are already paired up and moving on the rhythm of the music.

Bambi takes my right hand in his own, placing his other hand on the back of my waist right on the spot where my dress is showing some skin. I really don’t like the feeling of his hand there. With my free hand I move his arm slightly upwards so that his hand is now resting a little higher on my back, far away from my skin.

I place my hand on his shoulder and he starts the dance. I wish I had paid more attention during the dance lessons we’ve had this past week. For some reason this type of dancing just isn’t for me. You’d say someone who’s into music as much as I am, would be able to connect the music to the required movements. But something apparently went wrong in my head because I just couldn’t make it work. This dancing was just a little stiff and there were so many steps to remember. Pfft.

I feel my dance partner’s eyes on me. I turn my head away so I don’t have to look at him. He’s talking to me, but I don’t listen to any of the words coming out of him. Instead I focus on the music. It’s pure and beautiful and touching.

Someone bumps into me. Isn’t it the man’s job to pay attention?

“Oh, I’m sorry… hi!”

“Oh it's okay.” I turn to see who bumped into me, even though I’m pretty sure I recognized her voice. Leana. “Hello.”

The guy Leana is dancing with tries to lead her away from me, but she’s not having any of it. “How’re you liking the party?”

Bambi however understands what she’s trying to do and keeps us close to one another so we can continue our conversation. “It's quite fun, isn't it?” I have to turn my face to see the girl I’m talking to. Dancing and talking is not a good combination when your conversation partner is not the same person as your dancing partner. “What about you?”

I notice her gaze shift to someplace behind me. I turn my head to see who or what she’s looking for, but I can’t figure it out. After a brief moment of silence, she replies, “it’s being ... quite a surprise.”

“A surprise?” I raise my eyebrows, but I don’t think she notices. Her gaze is still focussed on something else in this room. “In what way?”

Our dance partners are not really making it easy for us. Right now, Leana’s partner is blocking my entire view of her. “I mean... I had been in big events but nothing like this.”

“Yeah,” I answer as if I relate to what she’s saying. The biggest event I’ve ever been to, was a rock concert in the Park Theatre back in Winnipeg. And the vibe during that concert was the complete opposite from the one right here in this ballroom. “The royal family sure knows how to organize a party.”

I wonder if she even heard what I was saying because her partner is trying to lead her away again. But then I see her open her mouth, “what about change partners, should we?” She lets her partner twirl her around one last time.

Before I even realize what’s happening, she is standing in front of me.

I look to Bambi just in time to see his round eyes go even bigger. He doesn’t say anything, even though he doesn’t look too happy with this sudden change. Leana’s partner is looking at him with the same expression on his face, completely lost. The sight of them makes me laugh. I don’t think they were expecting something like this to happen.

“You want to dance with me? I have to warn you, this is not one of my talents.” Understatement.

“I know, I saw you at the dancing lessons,” Leana replies. Well at least she gives me an honest answer. “I’m not that good either but I refuse to stay standing at a party.”

“I was hoping nobody had noticed. But I have to agree with you, the music is worth dancing to.” Even now the rhythm of the music is calling out to me, encouraging me to start dancing. As long as I can move freely, there is absolutely no problem. But whenever a dance partner appears, everything goes wrong. I honestly don’t know what my problem is.

Leana is swinging along on the rhythm, her eyes are again trained on something or someone else in the room. “Hey, you should have play something for us tonight.”

I turn my face to look at the ensemble creating some beautiful music at the moment. “Nah I'm good, I wouldn't want to impose.”

“After listening to you playing I don't think anyone would see it that way,” she shrugs.

“Thanks,” her compliment makes me chuckle a little, “but I think I'll pass.” I honestly don’t feel like putting myself in the spotlight right now. This is not my ball and I don’t want to be the centre of attention. In fact, I’d rather be enjoying the music and everything from the side line. “Hey, you've got moves. Have you done this type of dancing before?”

That makes her laugh, “I have but I’m not that good...”

“Don't be so modest,” I offer her a reassuring smile. If she is ‘not that good’, then where does that leave me? “You're better than most of us.”

She bobs her head a little. “I won’t argue about that...” A crescendo in the song catches my attention. Leana apparently heard it to because she switches places with me right when it happens. We continue dancing, but in reality it’s more like she is dancing and I’m copying whatever she does. “How does your family spend this holiday?”

I refrain from saying that I feel like it’s only the higher castes that consider Independence Day as a holiday. For me and my family, it’s a day just like any other. “We don't really celebrate it to be honest. But we do have a more elaborate dinner that day, with other family members coming over and such.” I tilt my head a little. “What about you?”

“There’s always an important dinner hosted by governors, so we haven’t celebrated it as family for a long time... just my mom, now, my little brother and me eating something delicious.”

“Oh,” it never occurred to me that families might not see each other on a day they consider to be a holiday. I can’t imagine what that must be like, if everyone in the family has different obligations. “I'm sorry. Do you miss your family?”

Leana keeps on dancing, every move she makes is in sync with the music. “I do miss them, but we didn’t see each other during the day much, just breakfast.” She raises a shoulder as if it’s nothing. “I have texted them and called them so I’m fine. What about you?”

“I miss my family terribly.” They are the most important thing in my life. I just want to hug them and never let go again. “Phone calls just aren't the same.”

“Uh videocalls?” she raises an eyebrow at me.

“I mean,” I sigh softly, “it's just not the same as real life you know.”

Leana nods her head slowly, she’s not really looking at me anymore. “It’s hard to be used to be around someone every day and suddenly he’s not ...”

I don’t really understand what she’s talking about. “Uhm I'm sorry?”

She blinks her eyes a couple of times, finally focussing back on me again. “I mean family, having the family away it’s hard.” She reaches out to me and places a hand on my arm. The smile she gives me seems genuine.

Is she talking about my dad? How did the conversation take a turn to this?

“Yeah it sucks.” I don’t feel like elaborating about it, not on a night like this when we are supposed to enjoy ourselves.

Her hand slips to mine and she makes me twirl. “Looking forward to dance with the prince?”

I’m glad for the topic change but why did it have to go to the prince now? “I wasn't planning on dancing with him, no.” Last time we talked, I didn’t get the impression that Leana was too fond of him either. Something must have changed between them two. Interesting. If we had been a little closer in terms of friendship, I would have asked her about it. But I feel like it’s not my place to do that, so I drop it and raise my eyebrows at her. “Are you going to?”

She raises her eyebrows in return. “You said that as if you had other specific plans...” The curiosity is right there in her eyes. It must be the journalist in her, always wanting to know everything. But then she shrugs. “I don’t know, I guess he’s going to be busy for a while.”

The ball is well underway and I realize I haven’t paid any attention to the prince and his whereabouts. It’s the same thing I have been doing the last couple of months, casually ignoring his existence. “But I'm sure if you ask the prince, he'll accept the dance. It's kind of his job isn't it?”

Her face turns into a grimace. “That doesn’t sound so good ... if it’s his job I will consider giving him a free day then.”

I gasp, pretending to be shocked. “Ah Leana, don't rob him of his opportunity to dance with you.”

Speaking of opportunities for a dance, I remember someone asking me for one earlier tonight. Where is Hugo? I glance around the room, but I can’t seem to find him. There are people walking, talking and dancing everywhere.

Leana’s laugh makes my attention shift back to her, “he will be fine.”

“Hm, you're going to break his heart.” Poor prince.

Her eyes sparkle with amusement when she answers, “I remember someone was going to serenade him. What happened with that?”

We had indeed made a deal all those weeks ago, to see whether he would be scared away by my band’s music. But the entire thing had slipped from my mind. Such a shame. It makes me laugh, “I completely forgot about that.”

She doesn’t answer besides shaking her head in disappointment.

“Please forgive me,” I say with an overdramatic tone in my voice. If she really wants to know how the prince responds to music, she could play some guitar for him herself. Her guitar skills are pretty good, even if she says otherwise.

“I mean it’s never too late,” she says, adding a wink.

We continue dancing and talking for a little while, but then a familiar face catches my attention. I turn to face Leana again. She keeps on dancing without a care in the world. The twirls she’s making highlight the ruffles of her beautiful dress, the fabric flowing along in the movements.

I glance back at Hugo a second time. He’s still where he was a minute ago.

“Um- I’m afraid I need to go get something to drink... is okay if I,” Leana’s words make me turn back to her.

“Uh yeah sure. Thanks for the dance,” I say and I mean it. I don’t know if I would have survived an entire song with Bambi. His monologue made it impossible for me to hear the music. Leana saved me from that at least.

She smirks at me, “have fun.”

“Yeah you too,” I say, waving a little goodbye before she turns to walk in the other direction.

I walk over to the drink table, trying not to bump into other people along the way. It’s quite a challenge of its own. Some people really don’t pay attention to where they’re going, either because they’re too focussed on their conversation or because they might be drunk.

Eventually I reach my destination and extend a hand. “Care for a dance?”

Hugo turns to me with a smile on his face. I don’t think that’s a view I will ever be bothered by. As friends of course. For some reason, I have to keep reminding myself of that. Why can’t I just accept it and let it go?

He takes my hand, the soft touch bringing me back to reality. “You don't even have to ask.”

I practically drag him with me towards the dance floor, again trying not to bump into other people. “Are you enjoying the ball so far?”

“Yes, but I think I'm enjoying it more now. I've been looking forward to getting my feet stepped on all night.”

His answer makes me snort. “You can step on your own feet, you don't need me for that.” I’ve done it to myself numerous times, sometimes even resulting in me falling on my face. It’s not something I’d recommend but if he really wants to, then it’s an option.

I hear a soft chuckle coming from behind me. “I could but I'd rather have you do it.”

We’ve reached the dance floor and I turn to face him. Before I even know what I am doing, I step on his foot lightly. “Here you go, happy now?” In doing so, some hair has fallen in front of my eyes. I’m sure Carla would allow me to touch my hair now, it’s literally blocking a part of my view. Although, knowing Carla she would probably criticize me for it. I reach up anyway and tuck the hair behind my ear. I glance around to find other people paired up as well, ready for a dance. Some of them are other selected, partnering up with unknown men. Their escorts perhaps? “I might need your help though, this is not one of the things I'm good at.”

His laugh attracts my attention again and I glance at my friend just when he returns the gesture, stepping lightly on my toes. “I’m thrilled.” Before I can do or say anything, he pulls me closer. His hand rests on the back of my waist. I don’t mind his hand there, contrary to Jakob’s hand which I moved upwards as a result. “You've got this. I'll be here with you every step of the way.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that.” I place my free hand on his shoulder.

Right at that moment the orchestra begins to play a new song, one from the classical genre this time. “You're doing really well, Tavi.”

Such a liar, I know in fact that I’m not doing well at all. “Stop it, this is all you.” But I can’t stop the smile from coming to my face. “Have you taken dance lessons? Or does this come natural to you?”

“Don't sell yourself short.” Hugo squeezes my hand softly, causing me to miss a step. He doesn’t seem to notice, or if he does, he doesn’t mention it for which I’m grateful. “I've taken some dance lessons, yes.”

I nod my head a little as I listen to what he’s saying. “Impressive. Truly. This doesn't seem like an easy thing to learn.” Yet if I had paid some attention during those lessons, I might have actually learned a thing or two.

He laughs, though I don’t know what I’ve said to have caused it. I’m not complaining though, it’s such a joyous sound. “Well, you know how to do other things way better than I do.”

“Oh right yeah, bannister sliding. Let's not forget that one.” The memory alone makes me chuckle. That is something I will remember forever.

That only makes him laugh more. “You're never going to let that go, are you?”

I shake my head, “nope and I will make sure you don't forget about it either.”

The laughing stops. Instead he tilts his head to one side, smiling at me again. “This is going to sound weird but I don't think I mind.”

I- I don’t know how to take that. Or how to respond. I decide to opt for a joke. “Well great because in the afterlife, my ghost is definitely going to find your ghost and be like ‘hey Hugo, do you remember that bannister thing?’ So you will be reminded of my victory forever and ever.” I don’t dare say anything about the time before afterlife. Perhaps he doesn’t want to stay friends with me once this selection is over.

He looks away from me, but I can see the tiniest blush appearing on his face. “But maybe until then you can remind me while we're alive?”

His words make my worries disappear. “Of course.” I even manage to get out a soft laugh. “I wouldn't want to throw those opportunities away.”

“How close are you and Arin?”

“Me and prince Arin?” This is the second time tonight that someone brings up that prince. Do I give off the vibe that I want to talk about him or something? “We're not close at all. We haven't spoken since that date and that was what, 2 months ago or something? Why?”

There is a brief pause before he continues speaking. “So... if you went out one night maybe you don't think he would mind?”

“I think he'd be glad to get rid of me.” I honestly think the prince wouldn’t even notice if I had gone missing. I truly don’t understand where this conversation is going or why the prince was brought up in the first place. “Why are you asking me this?”

“Because I know it's not really allowed.... but I was wondering if you might like to go to dinner sometime.”

Hang on. This has already happened before.

I raise my eyebrows, “a date?”

“As friends I mean. Friends of course.”

My heart tells me to get my hopes up again, but my head tells me to not be stupid. I follow the advice of my heart, not having learned anything from last time when he had dropped that friend bomb on me. “You mean as friends?” Please don’t make me go through this again. Please don’t make me feel like an idiot.

But then he shakes his head. “No... not as friends.” A billion things pass through my mind all at once, creating some sort of chaos. I feel speechless. And maybe it’s because I don’t say anything, because he adds in a quiet voice, “I'm sorry- I totally get if that's not what you want and I was wrong.”

My heart is racing but I manage to clear a path in the complete chaos in my mind. “Hugo,” I softly squeeze his hand, hoping it might be enough to get him to look at me again. “I would love that.”

When he finally looks at me, his eyes have gone a bit wide. “Really?”

I nod my head, unable to keep a smile from appearing on my face. “Of course.”

“Okay,” he lets out a breath and nods. “It's a date- and not as friends.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Not as friends.” I don’t understand how this even happened, especially after last time. I hadn’t seen this coming at all, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like it. It’s a nice surprise.

There is the tiniest pressure of Hugo’s hand on my back, pushing me a little closer to him. “I thought you were going to say no.”

“Really?” I look up at him, raising my eyebrows. “Why would I ever say no?”

“I just wasn't sure if you felt the same way...”

I squeeze his hand again. “I thought I had made that pretty clear.” Let’s be honest, I hadn’t been doing a good job at the whole friends thing. “But now you know.” My own words make me blush a little. Normally I would try to avoid conversations like these at all costs, but with Hugo I just couldn’t.

“I'm glad I was wrong.” That beautiful smile is on his face again. “Very happy.”

I return the smile, enjoying this moment with him. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more at ease with someone than I do with Hugo. This silence is welcome, giving me time to clear the rest of the chaos in my head so I can at least enjoy this moment.

But then I realize why it is silent.

The song has ended and the orchestra isn’t playing a new one yet. “Oh,” I quickly let go of him, taking a little step backwards. I really don’t want to attract any unwanted attention from other guests. Some of them could be slithering around like snakes, looking for interesting stories they could turn into huge scandals. Dangerous territory. “I'm sorry I don't mean to take up all of your time.”

Hugo reacts the same way as I did. He also steps back, creating even more distance between us. “Oh... You weren't.”

The talking has completely distracted me, I didn’t pay any attention to the music. Did we even dance? “I didn't step on your feet, did I?”

He shakes his head. “Not once, except for at the beginning.”

That’s a relief, at least I did something right. Unlike those dance lessons. I’m pretty sure my practice dance partner has bruises on his feet from all the times I accidently stepped on them. Poor guy. “But that one was on purpose, so it doesn't really count.”

“On purpose or not I'd rather have no one else step on my toes.” I need a second to let those words sink in. No one else. What is that supposed to mean? I blink my eyes twice, only to find him holding his arm out to me. “Would you like to go for a walk?”

“Of course.” I close the distance between us again and gently take his arm. “Where to?”

A smile lights up Hugo’s face again. “How about the gardens? I heard they're nice tonight.”

“Sounds great.” I smile back at him. Some fresh air would be nice actually. Especially after being in this room full of people for… how long now? “But are you sure you don't need to stay here? What if someone wants to dance with you?” During that tour, he mentioned that he had befriended some of the other girls. I don’t want to take their opportunities for a chat, or maybe even a dance, away.

“All I am is a cousin. No one cares too much about what I do or where I go.” He shrugs as we walk towards the open doors. It’s dark outside but I can already see some lights illuminating plants here and there.

I turn my face back to Hugo and just look at him for a moment without saying anything. His words break my heart a little bit. This is his family after all, how can he feel like they don’t care? “I'm sure that's not true.”

He nods his head. “It is. But I don't mind. I like being able to mostly live the life I want.”

“Okay yeah I get that.” I look at him for a little while longer, but then I avert my gaze to see where I’m placing my feet. I really don’t want to make a fool of myself by falling. I focus on a champagne glass lying on the floor not too far away. How it survived its fall is beyond me. “Just... know that I care, okay?”

Hugo doesn’t reply right away. I wonder if he even heard what I was saying. Or maybe I said something stupid. But what I said is the truth, I had cared for him ever since the moment I met him. He had been so kind to me, making me feel at ease during that photoshoot. And then during that tour, when I had told him all about my dad and he had just listened. He hadn’t judged me or my family. He didn’t look any differently at me after I was done talking. There was no fear or anything close to that in his eyes. I’m not sure he knows just how much that little moment means to me.

“Tavi..... thank you.”

My heart might break a second time just because of the way he says my name. “You don't need to thank me,” I say as I pat his arm a couple of times. The gardens stretch out before us now. I had been mistaken, it’s not just a simple light here and there. In every direction I see lights of different shapes, brightness and colours, yet it all fits together perfectly somehow. “Oh look, you were right. The gardens look beautiful.”

There is a moment of silence. I don’t need to look at him to know that he’s also taking in the view of the garden. “Safiya did this.”

“She really has an eye for detail. It looks amazing.” The decorations in the ballroom are gorgeous, but the ones here in the garden are absolutely magical. It doesn’t matter where I look, there is something beautiful everywhere.

“She's always known what went together.”

The sky is filled with a billion little lights of its own. The stars flicker as they create their own patterns. “Are the two of you close?”

Hugo chuckles, “it depends on the day.” That’s always the case with family, isn’t it? On most days there are no problems, but on others even one wrong look can cause the next world war. But no matter how bad the argument, family is family and you love them anyway. “Do you have siblings?”

“I have one older brother, and a younger sister and brother.” Just the thought of them makes me smile. I’m sure Aria would love to attend a ball like this, if only for the gown.

“What are their names?”

We continue walking through the gardens. Lights are hung up, lining this very path. On the left there is a huge tree with fairy lights wrapped around the tree trunk and its branches. “So first there's Daniel, he already has a family of his own with the cutest little baby. And then my younger siblings are Aria and Arlan.”

“That’s a lot to keep track of. I just have Chloé and she’s more than enough.” There is so much love in his voice, it makes me smile. “Do you get to see your older brother often?”

“Yeah he always comes over a couple of times a week for dinner.” And I guess he has been coming to our house more often now that I’m gone. Daniel had promised me he would look after mom and the little ones. The feeling of missing them hits me so hard, I almost break down in tears. I need to steer the conversation away from my family. “Are you and your sister close?”

“Sort of, the past few years we've gone our own ways a bit but I always love spending time with her.”

“Oh that's nice.” We pass a flowerbed with multiple balls of light placed in it. Some shine a soft pink light, while others look more like blue and green. “Is she the girl you walked into dinner today?”

There is a moment of silence before he answers. “No... I escorted Felicity...”

“Oh,” that name rings a bell somewhere. Felicity. Then I remember the very first etiquette lesson all those months ago. She had entered the room, whispering something we couldn’t hear to the princess. I didn’t know who she was then, but Brooke had explained, ‘I am pretty sure it is Prince Arin's ex-girlfriend.’ No matter how hard I think about this, I can’t make sense of the situation. I don’t understand how Hugo came to be her escort. Why couldn’t the prince accompany his own ex-girlfriend to a dinner in his palace? “But she's the prince's ex? Why would you escort her then?”

I look over the flowerbed on my right, the light balls illuminate some flowers while others disappear completely in the darkness of the night. As we walk past it, the soft colours of the lights sort of blend together.

“Yeah she is, but we were paired up because it's a rank thing. We didn't decide that.”

“Okay of course.” I nod my head, “that makes sense.” What am I doing? I feel like I’ve overstepped a boundary. I shouldn’t have asked about it in the first place. “I'm sorry, that's none of my business.”

“Please don't be sorry.” He pauses for a second. “I have something I should tell you...”

I rip my gaze away from the flowerbed and turn to Hugo instead. “What? Are you okay?”

He nods his head, “I'm fine, I just want to be honest with you. Felicity and I... we...”

Where is this conversation going now? I furrow my eyebrows a little, but I keep quiet so he can continue talking.

He looks so uncomfortable, it makes me feel bad. “We were never really together but... we got close. But I want you to know she's only a friend.”

I don’t know what to say but then something my dad once told me comes back to mind. I was about 6 years old when my parents had asked me which music instrument I wanted to learn how to play: my mom’s violin or my dad’s tuba. Deep down I knew, while both instruments can create the most beautiful sounds, that I wanted to play the guitar. I had seen some musician play it on TV and I fell in love with it right away. But I couldn’t bring myself to tell my parents, in fear of disappointing them by choosing a different instrument. One day my dad asked me what was wrong and I started crying, telling him about the guitar. He pulled me into a hug, assuring me it was okay. “Octavia, we can’t force you to play the violin or the tuba. You have a voice of your own and you’re allowed to use it. This is your life, go for the things that bring you joy.”

I know this situation is far from the same as choosing a music instrument, but I feel like the essence of my dad’s message is applicable here as well. And besides, who am I to judge Hugo? He sure didn’t judge me when I told him about my dad’s jail situation. “Hey listen. Even if she was more than a friend, it's your life and you should do whatever makes you happy.”

He lets out a sigh. I can’t decide whether that’s good or bad, but his face does seem to relax a little. “Tavi, I think you make me happy. And I want more of that with you.”

My heart is beating so loudly, it’s the only thing I can hear. I’m pretty sure Hugo can hear it too, and with him everyone else here in these gardens.

I can’t do anything but stare at him. This is what I have been hoping for deep down, I just can’t believe it’s actually happening. “You're not drunk, are you?”

“No, I'm not. Are you?”

Relief floods over me. At least he’s aware of what he’s saying.

I shake my head, feeling very glad for I only had one alcoholic drink tonight. I’m sure if I had been drunk, this would never have happened. I can barely hear my voice over the beating of my heart, “I think you make me happy too.”

He stops walking, causing me to do the same. His eyes meet mine, but he doesn’t say anything.

I don’t know what to say myself, so I try to go for a way out. “Do you think we should head back?”

“Can we just wait a minute...? I like being out here with you.”

I somehow manage to get some words out of my mouth. “Of course.” I feel like I’m dreaming and I could wake up in my room here in the palace any second now. Or worse, wake up in my bed back in Denbeigh.

He lets go of my arm and turns to face me fully. “I was thinking when this is over I should take you up on your offer and visit Winnipeg...”

“Please do.” I remember that conversation and it hadn’t been me who made that offer. Hugo had said, ‘maybe you could show me around. It's always so much better with a local friend around.’ I remember the words so well, because I had felt so confused for making a friend. Look where we are now. With a smile on my face, I add, “though I can't promise I'm that good of a tour guide. And you set the bar for that quite high.”

His smile has turned so soft. “You can't say a bad thing about anyone...” He reaches down and takes my hand in his. I’m reminded once again of the smoothness of his skin. “That's one of the things I like about you so much. You're the most kind person I think I've ever met.”

I shake my head, I’ve done so many awful things. Like that fight with Leana, judging her for being a journalist. Or when I had aimed that paintball gun on prince Arin. And then actually pulling the trigger, trying to shoot him. “I... that's not true.” And let’s not forget the endless trash talk coming out of my mouth whenever I’m around Brooke. I’m not a kind person at all.

“We all have our good days and bad days- they shouldn't define us.” He reaches up to brush some hair out of my face.

“Hugo,” I can’t do anything else but look up at him. “If there is someone worthy of that most kind person title, it's you.”

He shakes his head. “I think you're wrong... but,” he says, taking a deep breath. He leans a little closer, his face only inches away from mine. “Tavi?”

I don’t know how I manage to speak, I feel like I stopped breathing about 10 minutes ago. “Yeah?” My heart however keeps on beating, the speed increasing with every second that passes.

Then he leans in even closer, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

It feels like that moment when you’re waiting for a concert to begin. The lights are dimmed, and everyone goes silent. Your heartrate increases as you feel your anticipation level rise. And then the musicians take the stage and start playing their music. It’s the moment everyone has been waiting for. All the people start cheering and clapping, letting go of that build-up anticipation, leaving nothing but excitement and happiness behind. And the feeling of wanting more.

That’s exactly what I’m feeling right now. I want more.

I let go of his hand and reach up to touch his face. His eyes lock with mine and I gently bring his face closer to mine, making our lips touch in a gentle kiss.

His hands go up to cup my face, holding me in place as he kisses me back.

My heart is beating so loudly, it’s impossible for him not to hear it.

The kiss makes me feel a billion things at the same time, but surprisingly there is no chaos in my head. There is a calmness somehow, my mind has gone completely blank. The only thing that matters right now is this moment. I don’t want it to end.  

But then I realize where we are.

I take a little step backwards, glancing around as I do. I don’t see anyone, but it’s dark outside and someone could be hiding in a bush or something. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that here.”

He quickly glances around before leaning closer, kissing me again. When he pulls away, there is a smile on his face. “I'm not sorry.”

“Hugo,” I’m unable to stop the smile from appearing on my own face. I haven’t felt this kind of happiness in a very long time and now I don’t know what to do with myself.

He drops his hands from my face. I can feel the heat on my cheeks, they’re most likely bright red right now. Thank god for the darkness of the night. One of his hands slips into mine, “Tavi.”

There is something in the way he says my name. Like it’s something special. I fight the urge to kiss him again and instead I intertwine my fingers with his, “thank you for tonight.” It really had exceeded my expectations in every possible way.

“I'm so happy you said yes.” Hugo gives my hand a little squeeze.

I don’t know exactly which yes he’s talking about. I’ve said yes to so many things.

A dance.

A date.

A walk in the gardens.

If I had said no to one of those things, I don’t think I would’ve ended up here. With him.

I look down at our hands, joined together. I don’t want to let go. What if I do and all of this slips right through my fingers? But I also don’t want anyone to find out about this, whatever this may be. I could face any sort of punishment for myself, but I don’t want Hugo to get in any trouble. “Maybe I should head back?”

Our eyes meet again when I look up at him. “If it's okay with you I think I might stay out here a little bit longer?”

“Of course.” I let go of his hand, even though I don’t want to. I stand up on my tiptoes and give him one last quick kiss. “I guess I'll see you around then?”

Even in the darkness, I can see the smile on his face. “I'll see you around, Tavi.”

I return the smile before I turn around and start walking back towards the palace, forcing my heart to calm down. I need all of my attention to focus on the real world.

Darkness, an uneven garden path, me in heels, my mind elsewhere. All of these things together dramatically increase the chances of me ending on the ground.

Many people walk past me on my way back to the palace. Some are alone, others have company. It was definitely clever of me to return to the ballroom. There are curious eyes everywhere.

Back in the ballroom, it’s like nothing has changed. People are still talking, walking and dancing.

I make my way to the drink table only to find my escort Jakob aka Bambi there. He turns in my directions, his eyes sparkling as he recognizes me. But before he can so much as open his mouth, I quickly grab a drink and excuse myself.

I make my way through the room until I find the perfect, quiet spot where no one will bother me. I spend the rest of the evening there, watching the other people but not really seeing them. My mind keeps going back to what happened in the garden, reliving the moment time and time again.