"Doctor Whitaker, you wanted to speak with me?" Doctor Jefferson said as he approached.
Dennis turned and let out a shaky breath. He had been holding back tears all morning. He wasn't all that upset about Robby's fuck buddy anymore. Now it was more humiliation for reacting the way he did. And regret for all the things he did afterwards.
"Yeah," he said in a meek voice. He closed out of his chart and cleared his throat. "Should I check if the family room is free?"
"Let's go upstairs," Doctor Jefferson replied. "We can chat in my office."
As if he wasn't embarrassed enough already.
"Okay."
He stood and followed Doctor Jefferson to the elevator, and he passed Robby on the way. He wanted to avoid eye contact, and failed, but Robby gave him a thumbs-up and an encouraging smile, so he smiled back, and that made him feel a little better.
He had a long talk with Doctor Jefferson, crying a few more times, and then he got an email with the official referral and the time and date of his first appointment with Doctor Sommer. He knew he needed this, but all he could feel was deep-seated dread.
He really didn't want to go back to work.
He was pretty avoidant for the rest of the day, dodging stable patients so he could get by without having to have a conversation with anybody, and Robby and Dana did all they could to let that slide. He was grateful.
The end of shift gave Dennis another reason to cry: Jack.
They locked eyes from across the room, and it was very clear that Jack was walking his way planning to ask him if he was okay. That would totally send him over the edge again.
Dennis thanked his lucky stars when Robby intercepted Jack to tell him about the turnovers.
The drive home was silent. Trinity seemed irritated. Dennis knew it was his fault. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but he couldn't handle hearing the answer, so he stayed quiet.
He didn't utter a word until he closed their front door behind them and Trinity turned to him with tears streaming down her face.
"Trin?" he said, totally concerned but even more confused.
"I was... I was so fucking worried about you," she said. She rubbed her hands over her face and wiped her tears away, but they just kept coming.
"I know..." Dennis said, swallowing uncomfortably. "I'm sorry."
She sniffled and took a deep breath, biting down on her gums. "What the fuck was that? I mean, seriously, what was that? You scared the shit out of me. I thought you were gonna hurt yourself or- Or worse!"
Dennis shrinked in on himself. "I'm sorry."
"Were you?"
"I don't know. I don't think so."
She clenched her eyes shut and turned her head away. "Fuck, Dennis..."
"I'm sorry," he said again.
She pulled him into a hug, wrapping her arms tightly around him. He returned the embrace, nuzzling his head on her shoulder.
"It fucking sucks being on this side of it," she whispered.
Dennis lifted his head and pulled back to look her in the eyes again. "What do you mean?"
She sighed. "Sorry. I don't wanna make this about me. You're the one who needs support right now."
"What are you talking about?" Dennis pressed.
"I..." she started, looking down and seemingly searching for the right words. "I used to cut myself in high school. It's not a big deal. I just had a lot of shit going on and, I dunno... It felt like it helped. I know it really doesn't. I know."
"You don't do it anymore?" Dennis asked.
"No," she said.
"You're lying."
"So what if I am?"
Dennis pulled her in for another hug. She didn't resist.
"It's okay," he said quietly. "I'm gonna be okay. You don't need to worry about me."
"Bullshit," she replied with a sad laugh.
"You're a good friend," Dennis said.
She started crying again, and this time he joined in.
She mumbled something in Tagalog, and he had heard her call him an idiot enough to recognize that phrase.
"I might be an idiot, but you're a massive bitch."
That made her laugh.
They let go of the hug and gave each other tired looks.
Trinity sighed deeply. "We're both disasters."
"Well, we can be disasters together," Dennis replied. He offered his hand to her.
She linked their pinkies together and shook her head. "Dude, that is so fucking gay."
masterpost
follow @unfettered-writing-reblogged and turn on notifs to see all my writing reblogged
