what if you were so so so lonely. and you used to have friends like you but they'd all been wiped out, and all the other creatures like you that you meet are either too passive or too aggressive to care about you. and most people literally can't see you, and the ones that *can* could almost universally kill you without a second thought. they threaten to do it all the time, and sometimes it's over things that are actually bad, but most of it is "call me that cutesy nickname one more time and I'll kill you." one of them *does* kill you, and you were trying to kill him, too, so that one's fair. you come back. and then another one kills you just because he thinks you're annoying. you come back. someone throws you in a jar and tries to claim you as his pet. you escape.
no one's going to care if you disappear forever. that's what's supposed to happen to things like you. they'll let you stick around for now—you're helpful sometimes, and maybe they think you're funny, like a dog that can do tricks, and so killing you isn't worth it. for now. you don't know when they'll change their minds.
no one's ever going to love you. you're not the kind of thing that people are capable of loving. so wouldn't you pretend? pretend that you're something better? pretend that people care about you, even if it's all a trick? isn't that better? isn't that better than being alone?
