shh this isn’t super late, shhh it hasn’t been almost exactly a year since I last posted fic, shhhhhh I’ve been here all along
life hit me really hard, sorry! I hope everyone is well and enjoys this little bit of fic while I try to get back in the groove ♡
“This is a kidnapping.”
Tim doesn’t look up from his lunch. “No, this is a sandwich.”
His would-be kidnapper plainly watches way too many movies, because the slow, trying-to-be-menacing way he cocks his gun is straight out of every Western Tim’s ever (reluctantly) seen.
“Mr. Drake,” his kidnapper says with emphasis. “This is a kidnapping.”
One half of his (honestly incredible) sandwich finished, Tim does glance up…but only to confirm what he already knows.
“Please don’t get blood on the rug,” he requests politely. Then he attends to his (homemade!) potato chips while the idiot at the other end of the dining table splutters.
“I—I won’t get blood anywhere if you co—”
“Hey, dumbass,” Tim’s new bodyguard says, looming up behind the man like something out of a nightmare. “He wasn’t talking to you.”
Tim will admit to a bit of sympathy for the fool who came here looking to kidnap him. Jason Todd subdues him so quickly and easily, it’s hard to think of the idiot as any kind of potential threat. Sure, it’s annoying that he thought he could just waltz in here and abduct Tim, as if Tim weren’t smart enough to hire security, but…it’s like being mad at a dog for barking at the mirror.
It may get on your nerves, but the little guy’s too dumb to hold a grudge against.
By the time Tim finishes the second half of his sandwich, the whole matter is settled, and Jason Todd has returned to his guard position by the door, unruffled as always.
“Thank you for lunch,” Tim says to him and, caught in raptures over how damn good that meal was, only belatedly remembers to add, “And for dealing with the whole…kidnapping thing.”
Jason Todd shrugs it off. “It’s my job.”
“Protecting me is your job,” Tim corrects. “Making me lunch—”
“—is just protecting you from your own bad habits,” Jason Todd says, desert-dry. He’d been very unamused to discover, his first day on the job, that Tim usually only ate a granola bar for lunch. And sometimes breakfast. “Speaking of which, a little more concern when some asshole points a gun at you might not go amiss.”
“I didn’t see any reason for concern,” Tim says honestly. “I have you, after all.”
Jason Todd’s classic Bland Bodyguard™ expression flickers. Tim, being only human, can’t help but enjoy the way those broad shoulders shift in the equally classic Bland Bodyguard Suit™.
“I appreciate the faith,” Jason Todd says after the briefest pause, “but you’ve only known me a week.”
Ah, well, that’s…technically true. Tim has indeed only known Jason Todd for a week, since the man came on board as his newest bodyguard after Mike Takeda received an unexpected inheritance and quit.
“True,” Tim admits. “Still, I’ve got a good feeling about you. It’s hard to be worried with you in my corner.”
After all, Tim has known of Jason Todd since they were both kids—since he was watching Robin soar over Gotham every night. They’ve both grown up since then (and Jason Todd in particular has grown up very, very well), but even with him wearing a different cape these days, Tim doesn’t think anything will ever shake his faith in Jason Todd.
“…Thanks,” Jason Todd says.
“Again, thank you,” Tim says in return, then finally, reluctantly abandons his empty plate. “Now, I really need to get back to work. Join me in my office?”
“Of course, Mr. Drake,” Jason Todd says. He falls into step behind Tim without another word.
Jason Todd looms over Tim just like he did Tim’s would-be kidnapper, but the shiver that runs down Tim’s spine has nothing to do with nightmares. Quite the opposite, in fact.
He doesn’t know what’s motivated the Red Hood to take an undercover role as his bodyguard, of all things, but he intends to enjoy it while it lasts.
(And hopefully, with enough exposure, he might collect himself enough to get his inner twelve-year-old back under control. Really, at this rate, it’s only a matter of time before he calls ‘Pete Davis’ Jason Todd to his face, and then he’ll really have problems.)
I do still have my list of prompts and a bunch of them in my inbox, in case you were wondering! Prompt #37 was kidnapping, and it was also requested by an anon and @frozenbrimstone. I hope you all enjoyed ♡♡♡
A Hundred Miles Through the Desert for the last time!
Desert my beloved! If all goes well the last chapter will go up on the 27th and I'm not ready!! i also haven't written a single word of the epilogue yet but shh
Fun fact! I originally expected to get through one or maybe two rotations of all the POV characters before getting to the conclusion of this fic, which did not in my initial conception have anything to do with Finwe at all! I just wanted all the boys to talk to their dad for the love of god, since Clean Blue Air turned into the brothers-reconciliation fic, and I wanted this to be the father-reconciliation fic. Which like, it is that but also joke's on me it's also about a bunch of other stuff including jailbreaking grandpa, apparently. The request for Maglor to write the song was just supposed to be an excuse for me to actually get him to have a conversation with Feanor that didn't involve shouting (but also from the moment I conceived of the idea, Finwe was going to come back--I liked to play with doubt and uncertainty but it was always, always going to work).
Anyway, the original plan went out the window when Amrod and Amras fucked off to the mountains with Feanor. Which is great actually because it gave me a lot more wiggle room to dig into the Finwe stuff as well as the Daeron stuff, and it allowed for a bigger lead-up to the Maedhros-and-Feanor stuff, and I think it was really good for Feanor's own arc to get that time away from everything and just hang out with his youngest and chillest kids.
Another fun fact: I accidentally foreshadowed the whole Finwe plot back in Clear Pebbles of the Rain when I wrote the bit about Maglor finding the song Findis had written and that Elrond had copied out for him--back when I didn't have any intention to write High in the Clean Blue Air, let alone another sequel. I found that when I went back to reread a bit of Pebbles for fun the other week. 😂
Also, have a snippet! Just a bit of silliness:
“This is ridiculous,” he heard Finrod say nearby. “Where Maglor’s harp? Let’s have some music while we await our elders! Maglor, have you any stories to distract us?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said Maglor as he found himself jostled over to sit between Finrod and Maedhros. Náriel was still on Maedhros’ lap, and Maglor took a moment to think of the silliest possible thing that could have happened to him. “There was that time I accidentally trespassed in one of Ossë’s favorite coves and he turned me into a crab for several years—”
Finrod had been taking a drink, and now he he choked and sprayed it all over Turgon, who shoved him away as everyone around them erupted in laughter. “Can Ossë do that?” Náriel demanded.
“Of course he can!” Maglor said. “Didn’t I just say he did it to me? I spent the better part of five whole years dodging seagulls and grumpy sand sorcerers—” He kept going, because it was impossible to spend as many years beside the sea as he had without learning quite a lot about crabs and fish and other creatures that got washed up onto the beaches or who lived in the tide pools nestled in coves like the one he’d invented for the story. He could answer every question someone posed to try to trip him up, even when the sailors in the family were called upon.
“I don’t know why you’re asking me,” Eärendil laughed. “I never cared about crabs.”
“And it is known that the Ainur can sometimes turn people into odd things,” Elwing added serenely, though her eyes sparkled with mirth. Beside her Elrond choked on his own drink.
And of course no one could disprove his insistence on strange and sorcerous beings that napped under the sand dunes in summer time—not when he could just point to Tom Bombadil as proof that even stranger beings roamed the world.
currently watching: I just watched AKOTSK last weekend, and I'm chipping away at Frieren here and there
current obsession: Still FFXIV lol
currently reading: Dracula Daily - I'm behind but I'm trying to break out of my reading dry spell
currently working on: Various oneshot fics, as well as psyching myself up to do a NG+ along with filling out Drakyr's story/character
currently wearing: Long light skirt and t-shirt.
last google search: "ffxiv dominiac won't play triple triad -ai" I'm also chipping away at the Triple Triad collection and I couldn't understand why the guy you get the Deepeye card from wasn't open for playing. Turns out you have to do a bunch of side quests to unlock him first. And I always add "-ai" so it doesn't give me AI bullshit. 😄
favorite flower: Water lilies! They smell like licorice. Honourable mention to honeysuckle (also for the smell) and arnica (for it's medicinal properties).
Tagging (no pressure!!): @sariastrategos @amalthea-felsblood @feliciadraws @starrysnowdrop @missazurerose and uhhh sorry I'm a little heat-addled right now but please feel free to use this as an excuse to do it <3
i am constantly in awe of the way you straddle the digital, the real, and the absurd part of spamton's dialogue. i think it's neat to think that in a medium as electronic?? online?? as a tumblr post, he comes across so 3D. he's a guy with hopes and dreams and so many quirks (and flaws those are fun too) and it's wonderful to see him come alive beneath ur keyboard.
sure we puppet our muses as toys but in this case i think spamton's found a way to break free of his strings, so to speak, thru ur prose and execution and live a life as freely as one can in a big sussy island's social experiment. i LOVE his blog too, i visit whenever i want a nostalgic trip back to the 90s~ are we ever gonna get a spamton neocities page one day? lol
it's been fun following u across muses & seeing u do all their unique voices so well, i hope u have a lotta fun for a long time on this one.
also pls send us more spam mail so we can have excuses to throw Dust at him i promise u mine can afford the loss wheeeee
Please tell me your favorite things about my portrayal/muse?
OKAY THESE COMPLIMENTS ARE GETTING TOO NICE AND TOO SINCERE //
LIKE THIS IS LEGIT TUGGING ON MY HEARTSTRINGS AND I CANT EVEN FORM COHERANT AND MEANINGFUL RESPONSES ANYMORE //
YOU PEOPLE ARE TOO NICE TO ME AND I'M GOING TO EXPLODE ON THE SPOT //
Black Widow wasn’t your favorite character before the MCU
True!
actually technically Black Widow isn't my favorite character even now, since Steve is my favorite. IDK if this is favorite characters in general (my OG favorite characters are Odysseus, Simba, and Korak) or favorite Marvel characters, but my pre-2021 relationship with Marvel has always been on-and-off. pre-2008/MCU my favorite Marvel characters were Scott Summers and Johnny Storm, via a combination of comics and live action films. (I was never into animated superhero shows/films.)
