oh my god, she makes it sound as if you are “doing” this just to piss others off
She does. She just wants me to do nothing and live my life like always, however it makes me feel and whatever consequences there might be in terms of my social and personal life.
She completely ignores all the signs that were there and exaggerates every single "girly" thing that I have ever done in my life. She gives me false statistics (I had to check when she said there were 14 ftms treated in the UK since 2009) and keeps telling me that every single person of my kind has "always been like boys" (whatever that means) and that it's been "clearly obvious to everyone around them that they are like boys" and because she doesn't think I fit in that box, she uses this to make me feel like I've just randomly decided that hey dude guess what I want to be a guy hell yeah guys are cool. And since I've obviously decided that this is the case, I should decide back and live my life as a girl and become a wife and a mother and what not. Or at least someone who could potentially be one of those.
This doesn't work, obviously, but it does make me feel like I'm not entitled to call myself anything. It's getting more and more difficult to see myself as a real person. I know I'm not a woman but no one will see me as a guy and I'm not inbetween and I can't even say that I'm transitioning because I'm only in the beginning of the whole bloody process and well I'm not even a real trans* person whatsoever. I don't necessarily need a label but I do need an identity and now that I've finally had it, it's being taken away from me bit by bit.
The only things that keep me alive are you few people that I call friends and love, and my home in England where I can be away from these few beings who keep harming me.