#* || headcanon

[defiedlife]

meta + dr. ratio cause im self-indulgent jenna

send  [ META ] + a word / phrase / person / etc for a headcanon.

To Aventurine, Ratio is someone he cares for deeply whether it's platonic or romantic. They're colleagues and partners despite working in entirely different departments (and factions, technically) and he wouldn't have it any other way. As risky as his methodology was, one of his proudest achievements to date is forming that partnership. (Quick side note: this is canon; it's in the ANAN interview.)

He's seen many people put Ratio on a pedestal for outstanding academic achievements, and he agrees that those are admirable, to be sure. He's even a little envious, as Ratio clearly had an abundance of opportunity and privilege while growing up where Aventurine himself had little to none. He doesn't blame the good doctor, though; it's no one's fault that they were raised in very different circumstances. That's just fate toying with them both.

However, the value he sees in Ratio and what draws him to the scholar to such an extent is the sheer humanity that he can see with one glance. Ratio's primary philosophy is that knowledge should be shared by and accessible to all, and as someone who grew up without so much as a single book to read, Aventurine admires that desire and generosity immensely. It means a lot to him to know someone whom would readily help tutor and mentor another person in a situation similar to what his younger self experienced.

Ratio's blunt and abrasive personality doesn't matter to him. Sure, it stings at times, but he's heard far worse in the past. Plus, he's experienced first-hand that if Ratio truly crosses a line and gets called on it, a sincere apology will follow—a first, compared to what Aventurine has dealt with before. What really matters is that he looks at Ratio and sees a doctor who seeks to cure ignorance, injury, and illness alike, along with a strong moral code that most in the IPC would sooner scoff at than praise. He sees a man that he admires and trusts—even with his life.

Conversely, this also means that he would gladly protect Ratio with his life without a second thought. In his opinion, the world needs more people like Veritas Ratio.

Their work together on Penacony only served to reinforce his trust. Although Ratio "betrayed" him, that was the plan from the very beginning, which means that Ratio never really betrayed him at all. He counted on Ratio to play a role, and the doctor did so flawlessly. It was impressive—the finest performance Aventurine has ever seen besides his own, and he couldn't be more grateful.

All of the above applies whether platonic or romantic; shipping or not, and whether my Aventurine and any given Ratio muse have interacted before or not.

Now, to address the more romantic side of things with your Ratio specifically—

Aventurine just...wants him to open up more. That's it. That's all he wants. He knows Veritas loves him. He's heard the words said before, and he knows them to be true. The problem is that even though he knows it's true, he still has to stand by and watch Veritas struggle to reconcile with those feelings. It breaks his heart, but he's not going anywhere. If he did, he'd lose the most important person in his life.

He can't risk that for anything in the world, even if the alternative hurts too.

Instead, he just hopes he can get through to Veritas one day. He wants to hear a sincere "I love you" without the assistance of him forcibly (though with consent) lowering Veritas' inhibitions. He will always, always love Veritas to the end of the universe and back, and will always be grateful for everything Veritas has done for him from the first moment they met in the IPC infirmary. But it still hurts.

He can search for the "I love you"s in the little smiles he sees sometimes, or the rare moments that he manages to steal a kiss or hug. He sees it in the way Ratio worries over him and lectures him on being more careful. Such moments are sweet, but needing to search and always pay attention to the finer details every single time is tiring. Whenever he hits a low point mentally, it's enough to make him second-guess whether or not Veritas' feelings are even real.

The minimal affection (or denial of it entirely) and non-committal attitude are soul-crushing when he's so desperate to be loved, and he doesn't know what more he can do to change that. He knows they can trust each other, and his life will always be safe in Veritas' hands. He just wants his heart to feel safe too, and he keeps wondering if that's too much to ask.

[defiedlife]

META + love (Aventurine)

send  [ META ] + a word / phrase / person / etc for a headcanon.

Love is such a loaded concept for Aventurine. I cannot stress this enough. Despite everything he's been through, he has so much love to give to others, just as he always has. Let's talk familial first, since that's where it all started—

He's never forgotten where he came from, and for as far back as he can remember (which is nearly as far back as possible; he's got an excellent memory), he has always loved his family, even the father he never met. Even though they're all gone, they're still the most important people in his life, and he loves them vastly more than he loves himself. His mother, father, and older sister will always, always have a special place in his heart. They were his whole world once, and the only source of any type of true love he has ever known. He knows he was deeply loved by them, and they're the main reason he's been able to hold onto the concept of love and believe in it despite all the trauma and tragedy he has survived since then.

He doesn't currently have anyone else he specifically regards as family, but he wishes that he did. He sorely misses his family on a daily basis, and he will always long to have someone in his life to fill that void—not to replace his lost loved ones, but to let him feel that same kind of love again and remind him that it still exists in more places than his memory.

Now, onto platonic love—mainly friendship, since he doesn't definitively have any platonic relationships that go deeper than that. That said, buckle up.

First of all, let me put this out there—no, friends are not "weapons of the Avgins," nor did his parents teach him that. That was a bluff he came up with on the spot, likely to serve two purposes; one, to make himself seem a little less pathetic after openly admitting he never had a formal education, and two (and more importantly), to give anyone observing his conversation with Ratio a reason to believe it to be normal (rather than strange or desperate) that he'd go around Penacony collecting new allies like one might collect coins or marbles.

Weaponizing friendships is, however, both a defensive and offensive technique that he has come to utilize and lean on when necessary. He doesn't take any pride in doing so, but if it's his best course of action to achieve an important goal, he'll go for it—with one caveat.

He will never, ever use another person he cares about in order to advance his schemes if he believes doing so would put them in any real danger. In his plans, the only person in any significant danger will only ever be himself. No one else gets hurt; not if he can help it. No one.

This is because, despite how things might seem on the surface, friendships are genuinely important to him. Yes, he'll make a friend and probably mentally catalogue how knowing this specific person could come in handy in the future, but that's due to force of habit at this point. It's an ingrained nature; one he wishes he could do without, but he can't afford to let that habit go because it helps him survive. If he could, he would, because just like wanting a family again, he craves true friendship. This desire is a little more repressed than his desire for a family, precisely because he does have that bad habit of also seeing friends as potential tools, but it's there nonetheless.

He wants so badly to just have a fun night out with friends, or be able to drop by someone's home to hang out, or have a trusted friend he can confide in and vent to; someone who will actually care if he's sick or hurt or having a bad day. Unfortunately, such relationships are few and far between for him, a result partially of his own making and partly due to his trauma and the awful prejudice and stereotypes surrounding Avgins. He tends to make "friends," but keep most people at arm's length to protect himself, either because he's wary of letting them in, because their attitude towards him is negative from the outset, or both.

Thirdly—romantic love. As with friendship, he craves it. It's a craving he feels down to his very soul, and there's nothing he can do that will permanently quiet it short of actually attaining that love. But it's just a beautiful daydream, or so he often thinks. He will pine and hope and try so hard to gain a person's attention and affection if he's interested, but at the end of the day, deep down, he feels he's unworthy of it.

That's not to say he'd be a bad partner; far from it. He'd be attentive to his partner's needs both physically and emotionally, and so long as he can help it, they'll never want for anything. As a Stoneheart, he has ample funds and means to spoil his s/o, and so he can and will. Attention, gifts, and acts of service are all well within his love language wheelhouse. Just...don't ask him to do anything in the kitchen unless he has clear instructions or a recipe to follow and knows how to properly use all the required ingredients, utensils, and appliances. He did not grow up with any kind of kitchen, and no one ever taught him how to cook or bake. Please forgive him.

I already talked at length about his preferences and what draws him to a potential partner here and here, so I won't go into all of that again so soon.

Lastly, I wanna talk a little about Aventurine and self-love. As hinted at a couple paragraphs ago, he really...has none. He knows he was lovable and beloved once, but that was when he was a little kid and his childhood was as good as it was ever going to get. Even back then, though he was loved, he also kept hearing how special he was; how he was chosen by Gaiathra Triclops and blessed with luck, and how much rested on his shoulders as a result. Ever since then, his self-worth and self-love have taken a rapid nosedive. On many an occasion, he's felt that his luck is all he's worth, and that if his luck is the reason he survives while so many others around him keep suffering or dying, it's not worth much to him even though it's all he has.

Deep down, in his own eyes, he's a murderer, a coward, and a failure who always loses so much more than he ever truly wins. He hides it with flashy, expensive clothing and accessories and puts on a smile, but none of that will take away the pain. He spoils himself with luxury to take the edge off, but it's never enough, and he sometimes wonders if he really deserves to have such nice things when he has no one to share them with.

As I said at the beginning, he has so much love to give, and he desperately wants to give it. He just needs the opportunity. He needs to learn that he's worth more than his luck and not a commodity to be bought and sold. He needs to learn that he's still worth loving in return despite his origins and the person he has become.

[defiedlife]

Tags u back with no. 4 (for aven!)

sexuality headcanons.

4. what are some features of others that arouse them, or they find arousing in a sexual situation?

I thought I remembered this question, and as it turns out, I've answered it before here! It's been a while, but it all still holds up as of 2.1.

But I wanna add a little something more since just linking that and not adding much else feels like cheating when there's more I could say.

In looking back at that, though it does still hold up, it's not a complete answer. From a purely physical standpoint, if he were to make a list of what Aventurine finds attractive and arousing, it'd be as follows: nice hair, pretty eyes, physically fit, a little muscle, perhaps an air of mystery about them since that's a likely sign of intelligence and/or someone being more than what they appear (which would indicate to him that they could likely keep up with him and maybe even give him a run for his money, and he likes that).

However, re-reading that previous answer and thinking about some of his recent interactions has helped me realize that he really wants someone he can feel a connection with on some level, whether that's intellectually, emotionally, or both. Sure, he'll have a one-night stand with someone he finds physically attractive so long as it's all consensual, but that's something reserved for when he's in desperate need of that kind of stress relief or if it'll further some scheme of his in the long run, and only if he's not in a committed relationship. He doesn't sleep around just to sleep around.

As a quick tangent—I've been debating over it for a while (aka since within the first week or so of me writing Aventurine here on tumblr), but given that his preferences and desires are what they are, I'm gonna call it and say that he's demisexual with a tendency to prefer men.

All that said, regardless of gender, he appreciates the attitude and emotions his partner directs at him and brings to situations of intimacy. When his partner is into it and he can tell, it both arouses him and makes his heart sing. For an answer that focuses more on the physical, just to add a little more in that regard, if he's with someone he loves, everything about them is arousing to him—their touch, their eyes, their voice, their muscles and curves, their breath on his skin—all of it.

[defiedlife]

how about 17 and 7 for aventurine !

sexuality headcanons.

7. what attire do they feel most attractive in?

Honestly? His in-game attire or something of a similar style—luxury fabrics and brands, flashy accessories, expensive jewelry, a bit of makeup, a hint of suggestiveness as with the chest window; that's the general concept. He could potentially feel attractive in something like lingerie with a partner whom he trusts and that already knows him and his body, and thus he knows they'll like what they see, but that distinctly hinges on that foundation of trust and familiarity.

Aventurine's relationship with his body and his perception of his own attractiveness is heavily influenced by his past. Factually, he's hyperaware that he is extremely attractive by conventional standards, but without getting himself all dressed up and hiding that ugly and tragic past away behind a shiny, expensive veneer, he personally doesn't feel attractive at all.

As a slight tangent, although it wasn't his original intent in wearing so many layers and accessories, if he's fully dressed when with a partner and things start to get a little heated, it helps keep his confidence up and is quite the turn-on to watch them do things like tugging at his clothes in frustration or stubbornly finding a way past them just to touch or see his skin that little bit faster. It's nice little reminder that he is wanted and the clothes don't really matter.

17. how satisfactory has their sex life been thus far?

Pretty good, I'd say! As stated above, he's attractive and he knows it, personal feelings aside. As long as he's not in a committed relationship, he's not opposed to one-night stands if the interest is mutual, and those aren't too hard to come by with looks like his. If he's in a relationship, however, well—that depends on the relationship and his partner (or partners, if it's a polyamory situation). He's staunchly against cheating, both in gambling and in relationships, and wouldn't do so for any reason, regardless of how often sex happens.

[defiedlife]

WHICH SYMBOLIC FRUIT ARE YOU?

POMEGRANATE

The pomegranate is most famously attributed to the Greek goddess, Persephone. Though versions of the story differ: with some saying Persephone was tricked into eating pomegranate seeds to be trapped in the underworld, and some saying she willingly chose to eat the seeds. Pomegranates have a hard exterior that is tough to crack. Your hard shell is a natural protectant and keeps you safe from those that only wish to use you. Internally you are rich with bounties. You believe in living your life passionately and vibrantly. The idea of surrendering to a fate of being confined to anything, whether it be a relationship, a job, or family dynamic where you are not happy and lack agency is a terrifying prospect. It is fears like this which also prevent you from opening up and showing vulnerability to those around you. However, like the pomegranate whose seeds sparkle like gemstones, you hide inside you incredible beauty that only the most worthy deserve to see.

tagged by: @gemkun (<333) tagging: steal it!!

[defiedlife]

WHAT GHOST HAUNTS YOU?

THE GHOST OF IMPURITY

you are covered in filth. you can feel it as another layer of skin that spreads over your body like a disease. you wish so much to be lovely, to be easy on the eyes, but something haunts you so closely that you are incapable of ever being human again. what wretched thing entered your life to stain you with such colors? what was it that cut you open, what was it that kept the wound from closing? you were the sacrificial lamb. you were thrown into the fire. it was emilie autumn who wrote, “you robbed me of my life. i could’ve been human - i could’ve been alive, but you took my heart and murdered it. you made me into this.”

tagged by: @kafkaisms (ty Saint <3 ) tagging: steal it?? I think most have done this already, but if not then do it and tag me.

[defiedlife]

HC: AVENTURINE ; BLESSED BY...?

Sunday: "Do the Avgins have any ability to read, tamper with, or manipulate one's own or another's mind?" Aventurine: No. Does it matter?

Contrary to what the interrogation scene told us at first glance, I will be keeping my headcanon that Aventurine's eyes are capable of hypnotizing another person.

I can't recall if I've stated the caveats to this on my blog or just in dms to a few people ooc, so I'll put them here now for clarity's sake. These stipulations are in place to prevent godmodding ooc, as well as an ic choice: Aventurine's eyes are capable of hypnotizing someone if and when he chooses, but only if the ability is utilized deliberately and alongside a verbal command or commands, and eye contact is maintained while a command is given. As a personal rule of his, he detests this ability and uses it sparingly; usually only if he feels he has no choice or if his target gives him informed consent.

During the interrogation, Aventurine denies that Avgins—as in, all Avgins in general, because Sunday kept the question broad—have any kind of ability to read or manipulate another person's mind. It's my take on it that Aventurine's answer was just barely technically true, but also not the full truth either. Not all Avgins have or had such an ability, but he does, and I'd go so far as to speculate that Sunday understands that as well after asking the question, given the way he visibly reacts to the answer. The devs and animators of hsr use body language extensively to help tell the story when possible, and this was one of those times.

Sunday's expression and mannerisms were fairly neutral during the questioning process until that answer, which tells me it was the first answer that at least came close to a lie, with Sunday's subtle nod and sudden smug expression very much reading as a nonverbal "gotcha" moment in my opinion.

Thus, working under the assumption that Aventurine alone has that kind of ability, it stands to reason that it's actually part of his blessing from Gaiathra Triclops. The story tells us repeatedly that he is blessed by her, and that her gift to him is the source of his uncanny good luck. Directly from his younger self, we also learn that "pretty eyes are a gift from Mama Fenge," aka Gaiathra, as told to him by his older sister.

I may be reading too much into it, but that almost—almost—sounds to me as if his eyes are a rarity even among Avgins, and that if we were to ever see full art of any member of his family up close with their eyes visible, his eyes would not match theirs. (Slight supporting tangent worth noting—he's extremely sentimental, going to great lengths to keep the good luck charm from his mother and his father's old shirt, yet not once does he liken his eyes to either of theirs in remembrance.)

Therefore, his eyes are a physical representation of his blessing, a direct gift from Gaiathra, and grant him the ability to directly manipulate another person if he so chooses. If you've seen some of the popular theories surrounding Aventurine lately, you've probably already guessed where I'm going with this. Until further notice (aka until canon proves me wrong), I will be adhering to theory that Gaiathra Triclops is/was actually Ena, the Aeon of Order.

Ena is described as a control freak, and though ancient civilizations often flourished under them, those same civilizations and planets would always shine brightly and briefly before an inevitable total collapse into ruin. (Sigonia, anyone?)

Not only that, but the eye that physically represents Ena (because the rest is just a puppet that they control) is a perfect match to Aventurine's own eyes. It's uncanny, just like his luck. At first glance, the concepts of "luck" and "order" could be viewed as total opposites—luck is completely random, in theory. But from a different perspective, when so much of life itself is random except for the predetermined end of death, an unnatural degree of luck conversely brings a certain level of order and certainty to it all, if only in the wielder's favor.

If this "blessing" ultimately comes from Ena, I could even go so far as to say that Aventurine is an Emanator of Order and simply isn't aware of it. It would explain his eyes, the ability he possesses through them, and his luck.

Also worth noting, before I wrap this post up—in the very first flashback scene of Aventurine's pov during 2.1, his mother lets a little something slip, referring to him as "a gift from THEM to Avgin," and still presumably referring to Gaiathra with the all-caps pronoun. If Gaiathra can referred to as both "SHE" and "THEM," that makes her sound a lot like an Aeon, doesn't it? Food for thought.