the position reveals were a surprise, luciel hasn’t expected for it to be revealed this early. though, this means it’s a sign — that the hour of debut is coming closer than he thought. everything is falling in together, like puzzle pieces.
luciel had been dreamless for a long time, rarely ever chasing after dreams. when he first took his steps into the world of music, into the world of idols, there was envy. the envy of witnessing the passion of others firsthand, how hard they’ve been trying, again and again, to reach for a dream. he’s always been accepting of things; lines, screentime, positions, etc. he’s never wanted something. he simply goes with the flow, appreciates what he’s been given. it’s what he does best, playing the role of a grateful, good boy.
a performance, and then two, and then three — and then performing as a debut project. luciel now stands here, listening to the position reveals ( and of course, the earlier warning about sneaking out. he won’t be doing that again ), when he gets to know of his position, there’s somewhat of an empty feeling that remains in his chest.
it’s expected, he thinks. lead vocalist, it suits him.
another part of his mind haunts him, but it’s not main vocalist. it’s not perfect, it’s not the best, it’s not good enough. luciel knows it’s a realistic decision, and he had always preferred to not shine too much. it’s the ideal.
and yet, there was a sense of disappointment. since when has luciel started to want things? since when has he started to feel greed? it feels off-putting, and strange. he thinks about how he should had worked harder, thinks about how if he had the passion to chase after a dream, would he be less disappointed?
luciel bows his head appreciatively at the announcement.
today, he realises something ugly about himself. he almost wants to laugh at himself, but he resists. luciel keeps a calm expression on his face, ready to celebrate and congratulate the rest of the boys.
