“ You know what gives me nightmares to this day? Burger in a can. I’d happily take hot dogs in a can over that mess. “
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“ You know what gives me nightmares to this day? Burger in a can. I’d happily take hot dogs in a can over that mess. “
Are you baby?
“ Treat me gently. “ He can’t argue with it - and he won’t, in fact. That’s alright with him.
“ Is that a good thing? Bad thing. “ He looks thoughtful for a moment. “ ... It’s not a jab, is it? I... suppose I could stand to lose a few pounds, but... “
“ I’m going to start firing with reckless abandon if this answer is not changed IMMEDIATELY. “
“ So, uh--. “
He starts to say something, only to be interrupted by some aggressive shushing on the part of his brother and cousin.
“ Alright, great. Well, I’ve got better things to do than stand around and be shushed by two fully grown men who are crying over... whatever the fuck this is, so. “
Of course, that’s only met with another harsh shush on their part. Church heaves out an aggravated sigh, giving a slight roll of the eyes as he shoves off the couch to head into the kitchen.
“ It’s not like I had anything I planned on watching tonight. Sure, let’s just square away three hours for fucking history. “
“ I think the fact that I’m still not getting passionate, homosexual anonymous love letters... actually kinda blows. I’m just gonna throw that one out there. “
“ I’m not gonna lie, I think the fact that he didn’t get killed on sight is... probably the nicest thing anybody’s ever done for him. Can you really be mad about that? “
“ I personally think being accosted at my own house is more than enough reason to, dare I say it, die mad. Especially if it’s some fuck I haven’t even seen in god knows how many years. “ No offense to any fourth wall participants. “ That’s just insult to injury. If I’m gonna die, it better be by somebody I actually give a shit about for maximum... you know, dramatic... effect, I guess. That’s entertainment value. Not that being killed by someone from the past isn’t, but I don’t think it’s the same. “
“ I guess that puts me out of the running for the next person to show up at his door with a death warrant. “
“ Yeah, that’s what puts you out of the running. Not the fact that you’d just miss and ding his fucking puzzle table instead. That’s just gonna piss him off. “
“ Alright, uh... top three... favorite... Disney movies. Go. “
“ That’s stupid. Um. Treasure Planet, Meet the Robinsons, and Aristocats. I guess. “
“ You would like Aristocats, wouldn’t you? “ He sets his phone down against his stomach, thoughtful for a moment. “ Alright, uh... for me, I’m gonna go with... Mulan, Black Cauldron because it’s super underrated, and maybe Hercules? It’s got a really good soundtrack. “
“ Those are all wildly out in left field. There’s a reason The Black Cauldron is rated what it is. What about you, Pops? You’ve probably had your fair share of experience with Disney shit. “
“ Me? “ Maybe he is a little surprised to be included in the conversation - mostly because he hasn’t said anything in the last twenty minutes. He’s finishing up a puzzle, let him be. “ It’s been more than a minute since I’ve seen any, but... I think the ones I didn’t mind having to listen in the background to were the, um... the Atlantis one, Lilo and Stitch, and... actually, I didn’t mind The Black Cauldron either. I’m not quite sure that it’s underrated, but... “
“ It’s not my fault or that movie’s fault that you guys don’t know what good cinema is when you see it. It’s underrated, and I’m not accepting any constructive criticism. “
“ I’ll have you all know that nobody is in a higher position of power than me. “
And that includes Mark himself, and everybody knew it. He may have people he’s on equal power footing with, but nobody’s above him in terms of anything.
“ I’m the big daddy around here, and what Daddy says goes. “
Oh, boy. That’s definitely not a good feeling in his tummy. As it turns out, the right amount of chocolate eggs to eat is five. Six is too many.
“ Shit. “
....... Maybe his husband was right. Which is almost a worse outcome than getting the stomach ache to begin with.