#* texts.

[sagamemes]

disastrio text starters episode II:  teeth and tomfoolery.   below and under the cut, you can find 75 messages dug up from the pins of the cursed group chat of three international friends, and some select dms. slightly edited for roleplay purposes, with spelling errors opted to keep in tact to maintain the Energy™. edit as you please.  tw: nsfw and kink mentions.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   when i have nothing to add i just screenshot it sorry

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   [name] i am going to choke you.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   sorry i laughed too hard and now my mother is yelling

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   it's nearly [zodiac] season, bitches

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   thunder just shook my entire car.   [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   why must we all pay for florida man's sins.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i is business contact

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   only if they mentioned something about te*th

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i don't watch enough simpsons to know what that means but i love you

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   hey who wants to hear a fun fact about the progression of time

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   as if you could curb your scientific curiosity for long enough to leave the only place on earth where someone might use "hey who wants to hear a fun fact about the progression of time" as a conversation opener

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   "you want to punish yourself by seeking unhealthy relationships."    [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   also the stars say you may want to have your feet fucked.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   this is the worst thing i have come across all week

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   maybe it's the preparation for pangea   [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   which i for one am all for

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   you're kdidng

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   the real magic was the tomfoolery we had along the way?

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   that sounds like a famous last words situation

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   the death of a platform cannot end our tomfoolery

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i'll die hot   [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   in every sense of the word

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   there's a "everything is bigger in texas" joke in there somewhere

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   what can i say i love to validate my friends

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   when ur suffering too much from anxiety to fly so u just recreate 179,997,981 B.C.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   at this point i'm taking no responsibilities you know what you're signing up for when u open this chat

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   valid and good information and all but I fucking refuse to teach my kids how to "hook up so they're not nervous anymore"

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   we need a gang sign

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i like having the reputation of terror among those who Don't Know Me

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   if the worst thing that people think about me is that i have a [thing] kink then i can live with that

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   teeth r hot what is anyone going to do about it

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   the fact that the conversation just ends there makes it look like you legit hopped on a plane and unhinged your jaw

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   the suns will come for us all

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   my conspiracy theory is strengthening

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   they're telling u to be suspicious of the house plant in case there's a mic in there

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   [name] didn't u hear me the tractor supply is a front for a secret government agency keep up

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   who needs eyes when u got swag

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   not to completely derail the conversation but [person] just said that she believes male nipples should fall off like the umbilical cord at some point and i can't fucking breathe

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   there are only so many contexts for [body part] in a sexual setting

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   WHERE ARE YOUR TEETH IF NOT ATTACHED TO YOUR HEAD

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   the Salmon Instinct(tm) always gets ya

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i immediately regret typing that

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   ur parents thought gators made a nice backdrop for babymaking

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i'm surrounded by rats i see

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   p sure the faculty let it go on bc it would work as abstinence fuel

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i choose ignorance

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i'm not linking anything google at your own risk

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   just let [name] do the talking, even if it's about teeth

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   john mulaney was right

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i will relish in your suffering nonetheless

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i've got therapy at 10, and a tarot reading at 9.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   me: yeah i consider myself a logical, even overthinking individual   [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   also me: no wait fuck i'm gonna burn my couch *SLAPS THE FIRE*

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   tonightwith food, i will weep, do not fret

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   cry those shit chemicals out

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   vastly different kids of chaos, urs hurts u, i just had to eat the marshmallows faster to get rid of Bad Taste

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   finland is the florida of europe

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   but more importantly it made my heart hurt

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   all roads lead to [person/public figure]

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   it is Fucking Moist here my mans   [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   ....humid. the word i was looking for is humid

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   if there ever comes a day when i stop liveblogging my misfortune here, presume me dead

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   that's a whole child

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i hate them both so [name] just go my wrath in that moment

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   our entire relationship is based on fictional emotional s/m

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i hope u realise we're gonna kidnap u when u come here right

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   update: 4 am and i'm crying about a fictional bird child

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   can someone please kill the hobgoblin, they keep coming back and i have nothing left to give

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   cursed threeway

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   the minions crucified jesus

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   THE FUCKER STOLE MY TERRIYAKI JERKY

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   "you're a shameless little jerky thief and i hate you" - [name] about the cat, but it's better without context

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   I consider this further proof that Romeo and Juliet ruin everything

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i have the sense of humour of a 12 year old

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   yeah rodeo girls will do that to u tho

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   [name] has the brain cell and they fell asleep with it

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i'm never gonna be able to look at rich people furniture without presuming it's a kink thing hiding in plain sight

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   but who am i if not the bitch to say the thing nobody wants to

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i must've missed deep sea penis

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   IT’S IN MAJOR IT COUNTS AS LIGHT-HEARTED

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   op of this article has a vore kink

[byacatalepsy-archive]

→ adan.

jaime: guess what place i'm stuck at?

jaime: the fucking school.

jaime: :)

[saltedburnt-a]

→ sam.

dean: dude, i'm snowed in at a strip club.

dean: i'm hanging out with this chick named chasity. funny, right???

dean: what's up with you?

[madeamazon]

[ text sent: dick ] dick? you still up?    //   @risksfalling

[geminislegacy]

to → will.

lizzie: will, are you there???

lizzie: something happened, but i'm okay, don't worry.

[secondhvnd]

mssg: phoenix 💬 juliana

phoenix: Hey.

[sagamemes]

disastrio’s 'the pin list’ text starters.   below and under the cut, you can find ~100 messages dug up from the pins of the cursed group chat of three international friends. slightly edited for roleplay purposes. spelling errors opted to keep in tact to maintain the Energy(tm). edit as you please. tw: nsfw, mention of abuse.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   u should know by now i'm not as much a complete person as i am several sitcom tropes stacked in an anxiety blanket

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   things that should not be present in making spaghetti and meatballs: sparks   [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   things that were present when i was making spaghetti and meatballs two minutes ago: sparks

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   give it a good deep fry and it'll make reddit front page

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   you piece of fuck

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i'm not making this up it's a real post

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i just really don't like the look of american hollywood boys apparently

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   quit trying to post porn [name]

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   what's deeper than emotional? are you going to /fuck/ the house?

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i genuinely don't know what i expected googling that thing but that was not it

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i legitimately don't know how you're expecting me to reply to this

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i'm setting up my bfu episode

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   u might finally be free of "[full name] fucks."

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   plural of jerry's is jerry'ses

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   you're sharing so there's a trail in case someone ( maybe yourself ) goes missing when ur backs are turned

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i have yet to whip out dicks young lady

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   lizard brayo

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   fuck the fuck off tunglr

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   what are Christmas goblins if not depression goblins with prettier aesthetics

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   we're just two bitches trying to watch [actor] and then go to bed

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   maybe complaining is what gets it off.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   well yeah, it's hard to knock on a door that doesn't exist

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   murdered by demons is our go-to

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   we sound like the casting calls for the leads of the same gay cowboy movie

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   any blanket is a weighted blanket when u carry the weight of ur sins

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   We have some Amazing 🌈Bottoms🌈

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   [name] i am confiscating ur thumbstacks

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   YOUR HUBRIS BECAME YOUR DOWNFALL

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   what can i say i'm a sexual deviant and i can't be stopped

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   the stars neglected me. they haven't assigned me a fetish

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i'm pretty sure 'you are going to be the death of me' was like. the disclaimer of this entire squad

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   swipe right if you dare!

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   but it tracks for the pachycephalosaurus

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   I SWEAR TO JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   this chat is going to give me an aneurysm

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   "fully automated luxury gay space communism" is the best tag i've ever seen

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   why don't you have a stockpile of mothman memes

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i really do owe my life to the aesthetic

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   u coax the worst things out of my mouth and then [screenshot/save/pin] them to record my mistakes

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   ur not allowed to die its just the rules

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   you two are going to be the death of me

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   why are you paying for microsoft office in 2019

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   it's nearly [zodiac] season, bitches

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i see your "will make content for rarepairs" and i raise you "will make content for pairs literally no one has ever considered and probably for a good reason"

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i was DOOMED and thus so are all of u

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i am going to snap your fingernails vertically in half

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   own that garbage

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   oh fuck that suck

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   we were building a desert set which was less exciting and more construct-y but it did lead to the following conversation:   [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   guy walking in: chickenwire, huh. what's gonna come out of that?   [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   me: quicksand

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   viva la resistance motherfuckers

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   well the ass and the face are the most disturbing part

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   it was still very much about the shape of his teeth

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   a real whoosy boi

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   if i suffer y'all suffer that's the rules

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   also icb ur liveblogging your crime

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   granted i do still want the [body part(s)] to be attached to the person and not just laying around somewhere

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i'm gonna go with "have repressed all memories of this by tomorrow and even looking at this conversation for context isn't going to provide us with information"

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   ... Well if u ever commit a crime and need to change ur hair ur all set

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   oh god i'd completely forgotten about the teeth conversation

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   something about that ass Haunts me

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   [name]'s teeth are,,,,,,, h*t

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   ur not late, any time is a good time to hate capitalism

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   oh shit [name]s pulling out the big guns

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   listen as far as the things you could come back to go i think this is a good one

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   Amateur theatre energy is alarmingly similar to redneck ingenuity energy

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   threat acknowledged

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i take it back i don't want any more information

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   what do we say to the god of baby germs

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   and then Goth happened

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   turn everything into a photishooot

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   but u also would have got pictures of me depositing the tiger in the cow shed

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i feel like you constantly forget that i'm always full of Good Points

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   you want to punish urself by seeking unhealthy relationships. also the stars say u may want to have ur feet fucked

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   "white orc sex slave" is not a phrase i thought i'd hear today

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   yeah raw sexual energy

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   [name] perks up at the mention of lying to the fbi lmao

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   yall are dumb and i love u

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   HOW CRYPTID IS THE COWBOY IF U CAN TELL HE'S INDIFFERENT

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   [image file saying 'mothman respects your position but must express his dissent. also you're going to die.]

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   ...do i need to make the vampire joke

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   ur amazing and so good and so important and lowkey i'm crying abt how much i love u and u deserve every good thing i love u thanks for coming to my ted talk

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   look me in the eyes and tell me steve wouldn't crawl up thanos's butthole to save the world and get bucky back

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   [name] i am going to choke you

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   my brain was immediately with "she took the shirt off to wipe away the blood of someone, possibly someone she murdered, and then had to put the shirt back on

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i literally never know what i'm going to come back to when i open this chat

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i make no excuses for who i am as a person

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i am going to jump off the edge of the earth.   [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   and that's not me saying flat earthers are right that's me saying i will flatten it myself and then jump off

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i'm trying to show sympathy you fuck

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   what can i say, i'm an escapist bitch

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i never want to see dick and clown in the same sentence ever again

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   oh fuck off. i don't know what they've done but it's [name] so it's gonna be bad.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   icb we have a test run on new year's eve