#* v004 .

[corpusless-blog]

❛ We all create stories to protect ourselves. ❜

𝙷𝙾𝚄𝚂𝙴 𝙾𝙵 𝙻𝙴𝙰𝚅𝙴𝚂 𝙼𝙴𝙼𝙴 : 𝙾𝙿𝙴𝙽

        ❝      i was with this chick once ? redhead … had a funny accent . welsh, i think ? eh , some shit like that . wore an eyepatch , she was alright . anyway , she sold really good stuff , the kind that’ll get you in big trouble with the cops if they ever smell it on you . so , we were like fooling around , having fun, and, like, i really liked this girl . shit , we were talking about getting married ! having five little adopted … baby bastards . or a pitbull . one day i overhear one of her housemates on the phone saying some really cryptic shit . like talking in numbers and code , and i think , this is like some undercover cop talk , right ? like in movies ! eagle one has left the nest , the eggs are ready to scramble or … WHATEVER ! so , she’s sleeping , the guy’s hyping his friends up for a raid that could be happening any minute and i’m panicking ! do i wake her up ? do i knock him out ? my brain’s racing so i do the only thing i can do : i grab all of her merch, put it in a big ass bag and i run into the night . i was squatting in boston when i heard she was a well-known drug dealer but , get this , the cops ? they didn’t have shit on her ! because all of her stash had gone missing . thanks to me , that chick avoided , uh , what , 25 YEARS ? that was the single most romantic shit i’ve ever done . sparing someone from that avalanche of bullshit ? real love , man . i like to think she knows i was the one who saved her … and even though i don’t know where the fuck she is right now , i feel comforted in thinking that she’s staring at the same moon as i am with her one good eye .   ❞   

lenny looked up at the night sky outside of farouk’s little north-african villa . both dark eyes glistened with stars ( or were they tears ) that weren’t really there. she glanced at the man next to her.     ❝         ━━━ where i come from ? we don’t call what i just told you a story .   ❞    something in her soft expression changed. it was hard to tell in the dark. but she might have been smiling without moving her lips.      ❝      we call it a LIE.   ❞    

[corpusless-blog]

❛ you’ve got a phenomenal voice. ❜

* 𝙱𝙻𝙰𝙲𝙺 𝙼𝙸𝚁𝚁𝙾𝚁 𝙼𝙴𝙼𝙴 : 𝙾𝙿𝙴𝙽

❝    AW , THANKS !  ❞    lenny said with a playful wrinkle of her nose while tilting her head back enough to meet farouk’s line of sight . she had been laying there , across the tiny bed of someone else’s childhood bedroom ( was it oliver’s ? it certainly wasn’t her’s . ) singing to herself songs that she remembered once listening to . it felt like an eternity ago … but lenny remembered owning a pair of headphones once . playing rolling stones and other bands she wasn’t sure a man like farouk would appreciate . dark eyes fluttered their lashes innocently at the mutant as lenny sat up straight on the boat printed sheets .  ❝    i practice a lot , ya know ? been doing my do re mis , drinking lots of water … screaming into the astral void until i pass out from exhaustion or big boss man notices me .  ❞   lenny chuckled .  ❝    you know ,  ❞   then arched her eyebrows dramatically .  ❝    the usual .  ❞   the dead woman seemed to get lost in her thoughts ; she was staring at farouk but not really LOOKING . instead lenny seemed to get lost in the void : that was the only place where she could still find some sort of privacy , between consciousness and nothingness . that place people went to , in which they were conscious but not really thinking . breathing but not living . some poor man’s version of biblical LIMBO . heck , even purgatory might have been better than THIS . 

lenny finally sighed , forcing herself back into the little boy’s room she was sitting in . her heavy boots were dirty with mud but they didn’t seem to have left any stains upon the bed . as much as she tried , she could leave no footprints in this world . NO EVIDENCE OF HER EXISTENCE . lenny licked the corners of her mouth nervously .  ❝   what tunes do you squawk , huh ?  ❞   she asked farouk, one hand gesturing towards him nonchalantly.  ❝    you strike me as a dead or alive kinda guy . you know dead or alive ? pete burns ? you spin me round ? like a record ?  ❞    the woman shook her head . 

        ❝   don’t worry about it . i’ll show it to you when i get out of here .  ❞  

[corpusless-blog]

❛ and here i am. paradox personified. taking life. creating life. ❜

* 𝙳𝙴𝚇𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙿𝚃𝚂 : 𝙾𝙿𝙴𝙽

              ❝    hm . a paradox indeed . according to your file , you seem to have developed a bit of a god complex  .  ❞    a silver pen gets twirled in between lenny’s fingers as she looks up from the dossier on her lap to focus on the creature seating across from her . these little games had become the norm . farouk was stuck in the same head as she was . and although he would never allow the concept of “PRISONER” to be applied to him … both lenny and oliver WERE AWARE that that situation wasn’t ideal for ANYONE . and so , sometimes , she’d be met with this recurring scenario :  playing house . well , in farouk’s case playing CLOCKWORKS . a brief moment in which the power dynamics between them seemed to switch . but lenny knew that , like everything else she had experienced since running around with the shadow king , this wasn’t REAL .     ❝     not completely unjustified , i mean , you are extremely gifted .   ❞    lenny chuckled while gesturing towards her “ patient ” . she played her part well ; this wasn’t the first time farouk had brought up this BLAST FROM THE PAST as an excuse to talk . which made lenny wonder if he too felt lonely . if he too was a social creature in need of people and contact to survive . the possibility of frailty might have made others empathise with amahl farouk . but lenny was just poking around , waiting to find something ( ANYTHING ) that would hurt him as much as he had hurt her .

     ❝     but no one prays to you.   ❞     she said matter of factly . lenny slowly slid to the edge of her seat , leaning over her dossier as if ready to share a secret with the mutant .      ❝     لا أحد يؤمن بك.     ❞     lenny whispered , a lot less committed to the little show she had been putting up until now . she pouted at him .    ❝     that must suck , huh ?    ❞     

[corpusless-blog]

❛ in the dark, rationality seemed stupid and logic a dream. ❜

* 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝙴𝚁𝚈 𝙼𝙴𝙼𝙴 : 𝙾𝙿𝙴𝙽

@thedevilwithyelloweyes

  ❝    huh . sounds like a regular saturday night .  ❞    

lenny glanced down at her hands . pretty manicured nails she had never looked after sat there . she had tried biting them off . scratching the nail polish out of them . chewing on any loose skin she could find and RIP IT OFF ! anything that could potentially help her feel more like a real person rather than a figment of someone’s imagination . but it didn’t matter . she’d wake up to find those impeccable hands attached to her … TOUCHING HER . lenny didn’t recognise parts of her anymore . but her dark eyes suddenly lit up , like lightening just SPARKED some life back into her and those same fingers that feel so alien to her snap and point at farouk excitedly .

    ❝    hey , i can be IRRATIONAL AS FUCK .  ❞    lenny said , as if this was news .    ❝     i’m talking about straight up ignorant !  up is down , down is up , the whole shebang !  ❞     she leapt off her seat , full of electricity , ready to pat amahl farouk’s chest , force his attention off of his cup of coffee and onto her . but while invading others’ personal space had never been a problem for her , something held her back . a strange and crippling self-awareness that she had NEVER FELT back when she was a living breathing girl . so the bravado dies out into something small . something almost desperate . and she presses her hands against her chest instead . as if covering whatever INSECURITIES might threaten to spill out onto the man’s lap .

    ❝    just  ━━ just give me a chance to prove it to you , man .  CUT ME LOOSE .  ❞  

[corpusless-blog]

❛  we think we know so much, but we really don’t know any more than a rat in a trap.  ❜

* 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝙴𝚁𝚈 𝙼𝙴𝙼𝙴 : 𝙾𝙿𝙴𝙽

             ❝     AMEN, BROTHER !  ❞    lenny’s voice echoed against the imaginary walls of an imaginary palace as the imaginary sunset illuminated their imaginary pool. she had been floating there , face down , filling in her lungs with chlorine , for what felt like hours . maybe days . DIDN’T MATTER . the concept of time had become a distant alien life form , one oliver bird had taught her not to think too much about . he claimed it TO NOT BE REAL ; but heck , what was nowadays ?     ❝     except , i mean , there are rats and then there are RATS, right ?   ❞    she speaks easily , no coughing or panting to go with her words . no evidence of water ever gracing her respiratory system . the birds kept chirping , the lazy summer wind kept teasing her skin . and oliver spoke so nonchalantly , holding his stupid drink like this is some kind of fucking holiday . her DESPAIR had become MUNDANE … even to her . lenny felt like screaming . she didn’t .        ❝     ‘cause rats don’t really … rats can’t  ━━   I didn’t ask to know shit , man . ❞    she proclaimed , giving up on trying to match the other prisoner’s metaphorical prowess . 

brown eyes didn’t bother glancing at her astral colleague . he was used to this bullshit by now ; living in the ice cubes of his drinks without it ever feeling real ought to be like a hobby to him by now … and that was what kept lenny somewhat sane  (  if she ever had been  )  amidst all those SYNTHETIC DREAMS : oliver had managed to survive somehow . he still danced and laughed at dumb shit . his party host aura was … comforting .   ━━  but they weren’t cut from the same cloth . there was something disgustingly COMPLYING ABOUT HIM . something that made it easy for him to embrace his new HOSTAGE status . and that lenny could not get down with .       ❝     cheddar … feta … ricotta …  ❞      she turned her head ever so slightly . lenny couldn’t make out oliver’s expression . he was just a shadow against the bright orange sun .      

           ❝     cheese over knowledge . that’s what i always say .    ❞