My Whole Cry
I really don’t understand why I’m such a bad seed. It seems that literally no body likes me. I’m being for real. They want to fake it to my face, but behind my back quick to judge in haste. And it’s not a two faced perception. Just they want to act and pose it’s a misconception. Am I such a bad token? Am I really to outspoken? I mean I hate that I can’t seem to come across the way I’m supposed to. Is there no happy medium? Where is the balance? Well can it be then I’m surely not meant to get along with others? Why then do I have this talent. I can write it all down and hell I can even speak it when asked. Yet not every one asks. That’s part of the task. Is there people that are actually concerned? I believe so I seek to learn, I truly yearn for their acceptance. It’s not my repertoire to be a lone star I have to have affirmations. I can’t even face it. Now I’m at a catch twenty two it’s confiscation of my thoughts and actions and no one to play with. I need a therapist. But in hindsight do they really genuinely care? I’m the joker seeking for Dr. Quenzell. That’s the beginning of the problem. He didn’t try to find her she came to him. So really will she ever come to me? My own Harley Quinn? It’s a co-dependent nature but “we were hard wired for intimacy. So why does my loneliness lead to compromise.”* It’s damaging. Now my problem is public record and still no one shows an effort. Am I not good enough for even a brother? I have all my so called brothers do we look out for each others benefit or is it a gimmick twist to have a problem solving plethora of images Photoshopped and cropped to get it then that instant gratification in instances that don’t really harm us. Now this is run on sentences but it’s what is pitched within a circle of guys with an addiction it’s how we try to cope with our demons when we have each other to play ping pong with on a feelings list I didn’t wish for this I’m missing the real picture then it’s slipping in a whole mess of the four letter explicit and I’m bout to throw a conniption fit. Well that was a tornado meeting a volcano but my thoughts is a whirlwind. I just have to get it out so people will get it when I bottle up cause they had the chance and they didn’t think they had missed it yet. Well why am I such a bad seed? When all I do is beg and plead with my writings to screen for someone to seem like they even care. Wouldn’t make them feel any better if I penned it in a letter and acted as if I had the balls to end it with a flame to the brain cause I’m really not insane but why then do I need a therapist, lame. I’m depressed not suicidal it’s a fairly simple recital cause I’ve been leaving a paper trail that’s vital to my mental state it just takes time to actually read it. High, low. Bi-polar. My whole cry’ s, yoddle le he who reads it might get it, mind over matter. I’m finished. My flame is rekindled!