#*post: ask

[cardamumblessing]

you are petite in stature

this is not a headcanon emma THIS IS A TRUE FACT AND YOU KNOW IT BECOSS YOU HAVE SEEN MY BODAY

...

that sounded odd

...

shut up :|||

[cardamumblessing]

you break my heart

hey now HEY NOW this is what dreeeeeeams are made of

PART OF THE HOLD UP WAS BECAUSE

I LEGITIMATELY COULD NOT READ MY OWN HANDWRITING IN PLACES

THIS SAID

HERE YOU GO:

Dear Jackie,

You told me to write you a love letter, so here I am--writing you a love letter. I know you were only joking, but I've a marked tendency to take people at their word, especially when I know they're just kidding, just to fuck them. It's a bad habit of mine. I've gotta tell you, though, there's at least a 75% chance this is going to be the worst love letter written in the history of mankind--I've not had a lot of practice writing them, as I usually tend more towards poetry (or vaguely lyrical prose) than epistles, but eh. There's a first time for everything, no~?

SO.

Jackie-lope, my Jackie-lope--how do I love thee?; let me count the ways...I love thee to the temperature and flavor and viscosity (er) that you love tea--which is to say, more than [you like] most people--or, "the correct amount(, tbh)." I love that you make silly faces, and that you like my silly faces, and that you don't make fun of me when I'm drunk and making grabby hands at webcams and babbling about...well. Everything. I love how passionate you are: about reading, and Boston, and (oh my) Chris(t) Evans/Sebastian 'The Devil' 'Lucifer' Stan, and comics...I love how honest you are, and how straight-forward, because that's...refreshing. Really and truly.

I love how much you love your friends, even when they don't always deserve it. (Hint: if they don't love you back at least 10x as much, they are DUMB.)

(I just put the pen in my mouth for a moment so I could futz with my headphones and I ended up with pen all over my face. #TRUESTORY, #REALLIFE, etc.)

...I am pretty sure I was going to write something deep here, and then I refreshed Tumblr and got distracted by shirtless CEvans. :||| #NOREGRETS...just shame, and terrible, ADHD letter writing.

The moral of this story? I am really terrible at writing love letters, but I am really fond of you. :3

xoxo,

Stephanie ♥

(JE T'AIIIIIIIIIME)

P.S. BUTTS.

[cardamumblessing]

goat, hobo, peter pan, werewolf

at first i was like, THAT'S FOUR AND ALSO THESE ARE ANIMALS AND NOUNS NOT PEOPLE

and then i realized

goat = sebastian

hobo = sean van vleet

peter pan = louis tomlin

werewolf = tom conrad

...

i'm ASSUMING that's who those meant, anyway.

*thumbs up.gif*

[cardamumblessing]

sebastian stan, chris evans, empires as a collective whole unit. :D

I CAN GET BEHIND THAT

or in front of it

on top

between

you know

whatever

[cardamumblessing]

YOU SHOULD BE COMPLETELY NAKED STEPHANIE. (this post will be really awkward without context. IT'S A LITTLE AWKWARD/CREEPY IN CONTEXT.)

DO YA THINK I'M SEXY

*insert montage of me awkwardly taking off my clothes to anything by jtimb*

[cardamumblessing]

what do you look for in a girl? or guy? or both as the case may be.

Okay! So, I actually got a variation upon this twice, which I'm assuming is because you thought I didn't get this one? I did! (Obviously; as I am replying to it.) I am just super bad at replying to things in a timely fashion, and also I was trying to come up with a legitimate answer instead of the, "GOLLY, MA'AM/MISTER, I DON'T RIGHTLY KNOW. SOMEONE WHO IS NICE TO ME, I S'POSE?" that was my original one.

So! In lieu of that, have...a somewhat-complete list of things I have found attractive in the past, because I really, truly, honestly? Have no fucking clue.

Guys:

Nice. ...well, no; that's not true. I tend to be attracted to smug (but charming!) bastards. I tend to crush on boys who...are nice to me. Because there aren't a lot of them who are, historically! So, y'know. Act like something other than a complete toolbag/smile in a somewhat me-ish direction/explicitly state that you find me pleasant and I am YOURS, wobbly knees and all.

On that note, FUN FACT: I tend to go for people who are either emotionally unavailable, or not attracted to my bits! This goes for girls as well! (Or: if you are an otherwise-invested due, or a straight lady, CHANCES ARE, I WANT TO BONE YOU. It's not even that I like a challenge; it's just that it means I am safe from having to pursue you. :()

Somewhat intelligent.

Somewhat gifted in...any area, really. I LIKE TALENTED PEOPLE???

This is a big one: funny/witty. True story: if you can make me laugh (regularly; WE ARE TALKING MORE THAN ONCE, HERE), and are not a blight upon the face of mankind/completely hideous*, chances are you already have an all access pass to my vagina. This goes for girls, as well.

Girls:

Listen, I've got two types when it comes to women, and they are basically "smart" and "bitchy". Take your pick, ladies.

See: unavailable, for any reason.

See: funny.

Brunette. This is not a requirement. It is, however, a Thing.

QUIRKINESS. I AM A BIG FAN OF QUIRKINESS. Some of my favorite people are giant weirdos! I am madly in love with Emma Stone, and she's...well. Emma Stone. Jennifer Lawrence is rapidly becoming one of my favorite people and she is really, really strange! Chris Evans is not a lady, but he is fucking bizarre at times, and I find it delightful! Dorkiness can be sexy, friend, especially if you werq it.

I realize there are a lot less bullets on the ladies list? But that is mostly because my experience with ladies is even more nonexistent than my experience with dudes--in terms of actual reciprocation, as well as realizing I had tingly feelings for. So. :|||

Moral of the story? Don't be a jerk. Don't treat me like crap. Be somewhat charming and/or endearing. (Note: This is not as difficult as it sounds. I find most things charming and/or endearing in the right lights.) Make me laugh. Don't hate other people on the sole basis of their being other. Be alright, face-wise. Or don't be, but make up for it by being awesome in other ways!

*This sounds terrible, but listen: historically, the dudes I have been attracted to? Not exactly Brad Pitt. While I certainly wouldn't say no to a pretty face, it's not a must for me. If I like you, chances are, I will eventually find you attractive! This is also a Thing! This said, I think I'm allowed to be a little shallow here and admit that, hey--Jonah Hill need not apply. The ladies are usually pretty foxy, but listen: I think most ladies are pretty foxy. Ratio-wise, I am pretty sure it is like a definite 4:6 in favor of women, as far as "attractive members of the species" tend to go. So. Do not be put off by this!

[cardamumblessing]

An interesting fact about me: I am super obsessed with my hygiene/how I smell. I have tons of lotions, creams, perfumes, body sprays and I always have to smell good. Always. There is no alternative. Even when I go to the gym I put perfume on. It might be a problem.

lawwwwd, child. i used to be like that, but i grew out of it. (by which i mean, my allergies got more intense and now i can only tolerate certain scents/lotions without going insane--honeysuckle, vanilla, coconut, etc.)

hmmm. i actually cannot think of an interesting fact to relate to this one, so TERRIBLE TRANSITIONS TIME: i believed in santa clause until round-about the fifth grade. maybe a little older. idk, i didn't think that was odd, but apparently it is.