small miracles | selfpara
characters: Marina Zale, mentions of Jackson Gates, Finnick Odair, Annie Cresta, Lincoln Conway, & Mags timeline: the reaping and train ride of the 78th Hunger Games summary: Marina hasn’t been feeling well. Right before the reaping, things start clicking into place. word count: 1,300 words trigger warnings: vomit, pregnancy, miscarriage
The nausea had been plaguing her for days. It was July. Marina never got sick in the summer. Lately she’d been tired, nauseous, and just generally out of it. It came in waves and never lasted for very long. She was quick to dismiss what she was feeling. It was nerves over the upcoming reaping or over seeing Jackson again for the first time since the morning after the garden party. Sure, they’d talked a lot since then, but that wasn’t the same as being in the same room with someone you cared about. Someone you’d been intimate with.
The morning of the Reaping started with Marina unable to eat more than toast and some ginger ale for breakfast. She felt absolutely awful and couldn’t recall the last time she was sick like this. She’d been much younger, laid up with a stomach bug over Candlenights. She recalled Mags coming to check on her then and teasingly asking if she was pregnant. That had been years ago and the thought brought a smile to her face. The older woman had become something of a mother to Marina and she wouldn’t have known how to navigate life as a victor without her.
But as she got ready to head to the Justice Building for the Reaping, Mags’ joking comment from years ago kept tickling in the back of her mind. You’re sure you aren’t pregnant, dear? Marina had laughed off the thought those years ago. Not only had she been told at fifteen she’d have a hard time carrying a baby, she had been chaste. Back then it had been funny. Now the puzzle pieces were beginning to click together.
She’d opted to walk to the Justice Building from the victor’s village. The sun overhead felt good on her skin and she took solace in listening to the seagulls, just as she’d told Jackson so long ago. Anxiously she fiddled with her seaglass bracelet as she walked, mentally counting backwards. How long ago had it been since she last had her cycle? A month? Longer? By the time she reached the Justice Building, the color had drained from her face and she felt lightheaded upon realizing she hadn’t had her cycle in two months. Not since before her last trip to the Capitol in May. Not since before she made love with Jackson. Oh.
The nausea returned as she joined the other District Four victors on the stage before the Reaping could begin. It was impossible for Marina to focus on what was happening with the escort and which tributes were selected to represent the district. All she could think about was the what ifs. What if she was pregnant? Did she dare get her hopes up? Motherhood was something Marina had wanted since she was young, a hope all but dashed in the aftermath of her time in the arena. Could she even be pregnant? What if it was just the stress of the upcoming Games throwing her off? Sure, that was possible but how likely was it?
She stood there, barely listening as the tributes were selected. How could she focus on anything else? She was vaguely aware that both her tributes seemed to have potential and weren’t young, but that was something to worry about later.
By the time the reaping ended and Marina’s tributes were led into the building to say goodbye to their families, she immediately headed for the train. Nauseous and lightheaded, she had a lot to think about. Her world was spinning. Was this happening? Was she pregnant? Would she actually get a chance to be a mother? But what if she wasn’t? Or worse, what if she was and then she lost the baby? After all, at fifteen the Capitol doctors told her it would be a struggle.
Oh god. What would Jackson say?
It took Marina a surprisingly long time before she considered what Jackson’s feelings would be about this. If she was pregnant, it was his. There was absolutely no question there. There hadn’t been anyone else. How would he feel? Sure, they were good friends but that was before things got more complicated, and a baby would certainly complicate things further. It was those racing thoughts in her mind that had Marina rushing to the bathroom, suddenly overwhelmed with nausea.
While she did go greet her tributes upon their arrival on the train, she eventually handed off early mentoring duties to Finnick, Annie, and Lincoln. They were more than capable of handling everything the tributes could need between the District Four and the Capitol. She felt too nauseous and looked too green for anyone to question her desire to keep to herself. Marina was terrified if they asked too many questions, she’d speak her dreams aloud and watch them turn to ash. No, it was better to wait. She needed to know for certain one way or another. Once they arrived in the Capitol, then she’d know. Then she could figure out her next step.
By the time they reach the Capitol, Marina is sure she’s making this up. She couldn’t actually be pregnant. There’s no chance. It’s wishful thinking making her believe something impossible. Still, she knew she had to take a test. She would never have any peace of mind without one. Surprisingly, it was harder than she thought it would be for her to get her hands on a pregnancy test without someone seeing her buy it. That was the last thing she needed, pictures of her buying a pregnancy test splashed all over Sponsor’s Weekly complete with speculation on who the father could be.
Eventually she made it back to the District Four suite so she could take the test. Hiding out in the bathroom was overwhelming and those few minutes waiting for the results had Marina’s mind racing in a million different directions. Did she want it to be positive? What about negative? How would she handle it in either way? Would she be happy? Sad? Overwhelmed? Scared? There were so many thoughts that she could barely take time to process them all. There was simply too much to think about.
Tentatively, Marina finally reached for the rest when the time was up. Lifting it in her trembling fingers, she took a deep breath then looked down at the results. Two thin lines showed on the test and it took only a few seconds for Marina to realize what that meant. Tears filled her eyes and she half laughed. It was positive. She was having a baby. Motherhood had been calling to Marina since she was young, but the timing never seemed right. She had always imagined raising a family with a partner.
Jackson. He came to mind and she stopped. How would he feel? He didn’t ask for this, that much she knew. They were still figuring out where they stood with each other after the night they spent together. The night they made their baby it would seem. Would he be happy? Angry? She honestly didn’t know.
All Marina did know was she had to tell Jackson, and she had to hope that everything would be okay. Now that she knew she was pregnant, she already loved that tiny baby. Losing it would be the worst thing in the world, but that fear would always linger. Especially after everything she’d been told as a teenager.
It took time for Marina to calm down and dry her eyes, but eventually she realized this was a good thing. No matter what happened it was good. It was a miracle, a dream come true, and she would never dare question that. It was a chance to have a family and that was all Marina wanted. Maybe, just maybe, it would all work out in the end.
