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unfortunately the thought of contacting my ex (who i will not be contacting dw we have established this) is not even close to my top three issues right now like i sort of wish it was because angst over her is old hat atp

#the worst rn is my [redacted] that my therapist told me shame and secrecy is only gonna make worae #*worse #but im leaving it as [redacted]

back in the fandom which means watching illegal streams through someone's calculator. and it's worth then it was before

#bts #*worse

Am I exhausted because I am doing nothing or am I doing nothing because I am exhausted

#I am not peacefully doing nothing which is making it work #*worse #I am anxiously doing nothing

lmao has playchoices trended since open heart ended?

#It was their most talked about series for better or for worst #They're never going to get this amount of clout again #I'm not holding my breath for crimes of passion #Open Heart #playchoices #*worse

moode

#lov the obviously very quickly drawn in ms paint art style lol hbbjh #i just have so much i want to do!!!!!!#but also when I'm stressed out it's hard to focus on my long term goals #but then at the same time I also feel like I should especially do so #like 'work on your game now so you can get as much done when you can since you never know if something #will happen and you won't be able to work on it anymore' VS 'don't spend all your free time working on a long term project when the #long term isn't guaranteed and you should just rest and do small things here and there instead'#i know best is to probably do a little of both but that's such a balancing act and under times of stress it's like nothing #feels stable enough to carefully walk that line you just kind of swing to one or the other gghgjh #anyway...!#I'm just trying to do what I can I guess #I also have been kindof sick for a few days with very vague symptoms so my doctor of course doesn't want anyone to come in #unless they have a fever or literally can't breathe but I hate the uncertainty of that since there's no way to get an idea of what;s #wrong with me and thus no way to really know what to do about it if I don't know what it is either #I guess I just have to wait it out and hope the chest pain/pressure and etc. doesn't turn into anything eose #*worse #which I also don't like lol...#I know all humans to some degree crave consistency and stability but I think I'm SO far on that end of the spectrum where I #always want everything to be 100% clear and constant and stable and have absolute certainty of things (aka why I'm the #least spontaneous or risk taking type of person I've ever met lol) so I guess this stuff isjust really hard for my brain to handle #Like if I'm going somewhere minor like just to meet a friend for lunch I would plan it 4 days ahead of time and pick out my outfit 3 #days ahead of time etc. One time I was driving with someone and they said we'd go to store 1 first then store 2 on the way back but they #randomly switched it up and said we'd do store 2 first because it was actually closer and I cried just because abrupt changes of plans #/lack of certainty/etc. can stress me out so much ghghgjh.. Which I know is really silly and I personally don't like that but my brain #is just That Way for some reason. .. BUT anyway.. aaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Me: I’m fortunate enough that I don’t have to worry about election bullshit for a little while

CA Gubernatorial Recall: Bet

#peak CA would be electing a Republican and then Senator Feinstein retiring or god forbid something work #*worse

me and my heart palpitations against the world

#:(((#i hate it bro its so scary #i feel like thinking about it just makes it work #*worse #typing out heart palpitations feels like invoking a demon #🔥

#*worse

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