#- fisher

[fish-and-forbear]

The joys of having a currently nonverbal Ominous Presence in the system. At least I know EXACTLY who he is but... he isn't making things easy lmfao

[fish-and-forbear]

Full RAIN paper since it really is helpful. My therapist said it is a proper researched and proven tool for these sorts of things and maybe it would resonate with others.

[fish-and-forbear]

TBH I think this might be the one object that saves this system from crumbling. xD (LIGHTHEARTED I PROMISE)

These dumbasses, on top of an increased T dose, and feeling less depressed (which means I am happier and can actually Eat Food) means the Abyss HUNGERS.

At the encouragement of a friend, I finally went grocery shopping the other day and we are putting this new sandwich press to good use!!

Wheat bread, smoked cheddar, swiss, black forest ham, and sweet n spicy pickles.... and lots of milk to drink from the local dairy, and a freshly refilled water bottle. 👀👀

Insert HUMANITY RESTORED status from Dark Souls because that is exactly what it feels like. xD

- Fisher

[fisherfurbearer]

So so so so relieved I remembered my as needed anxiety meds... I haven't used them in a while because they make me exhausted. But when we otherwise physically can't calm down, they are perfect.

Not that we fully tested that yet but today I forgot my other meds at my usual time and definitely had anxiety response from no meds. Otherwise doing great but could feel a lot better still. Took those meds and my as needed as soon as I remembered

Feeling so much better and took 1 more (I can take 2 daily) as well before bed.

Excited to sleep... xD

Moira is already knocked out (sleepy puppy) and is so reassuring and sweet against our legs. ❤️

Going to sleep really good and start fresh in the morning. c:

[fish-and-forbear]

Talking a lot as per usual but really just because I am excited and still finding a balance of my "voice" after being so closed off the past few years. c:> (Mainly the pandemic and my agoraphobia getting worse)

I really am happy. It feels like everything just makes sense. Especially the way that it FEELS when Grist or Neumes has fronted, or when others "popped in" with bits of thoughts or words.

NONE of it was unfamiliar to me.

This is. So, so, so close to many other points in my life that I've had and wasn't able to completely explain. I just didn't have the words, and there were never "identities" to those things. I don't think that Grist and co. are one-to-one the same as what my past experiences are, but I absolutely recognize certain behaviors and patterns of thought in them.

(cw mild discussion of feeling loss of control, light mention of past anxiety and trauma responses)

In a way....getting a bit philosophical and psychological here... it would make sense if my brain is compartmentalizing my Very Big Emotions and Responses and "Needs" (ex. prioritizing safety, protection, fear, seeking happiness, self soothing), and spread them out into these guys. Unfortunately certain things have also been triggers and made me "freeze" and unable to really move or get them to stop but. It's still nothing like years ago when I was completely unaware, afraid, and feeling like I was losing my mind when very similar things would happen to me.

Treating my emotions/mind as a big pile of little animals or people that just need patience and guidance or coping skills has already been a HUGE help to my mental health. Mostly in the past year or two, I've made very big progress with that, and very good habits. c:

It's just sort of interesting to see how those good habits have reflected so positively onto these guys, and how SO many things are starting to make sense. It hasn't been long but I already have a glimmer of hope that my mental health and life in general could DRASTICALLY improve if I keep working with them like this.

We could all really be happy and at peace with ourselves if we continue to learn how to cooperate and continue to learn how to love this strange, weird, wonderful body and soul that we all share. <3

[fish-and-forbear]

Oh my goodness gracious

I have tried making a goofy little post about how much I love John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982) and have been thwarted THRICE!!!!! xD

- First time tumblr eats post with an error that says “Well that didn’t work. Try again” but didn’t actually save it - Second time as I’m about to post how tumblr ate my Thing post my phone dies - Third time I get out my laptop and as I’m about to start typing THAT loses power without warning too!! (I know what the battery problem is it’s a software thing and fixing it tonight xD) WHY DOES THE UNIVERSE NOT WANT ME TO PROCLAIM MY LOVE FOR THE THING (1982)...... WHY IS THAT SO BAD...... IS IT SO BAD TO LOVE AN ALIEN MONSTER THAT IS SIMPLY DOING HER BEST AND TRYING TO GET HOME........... 🥺🥺🥺