#-cobalt14

[companionwolf]

Another day, another low tech AAC project. Inspired by @semiplural 's ; we're making two -- this one (extremely plain, has no symbols) and one that will have symbols with the words/phrases.

[companionwolf]

Our dreams last night: The potential trauma at the core of this is real! No, it's fake! This is true! It's all a lie! This is a distraction, it's never been anything--!

The dreamer, sick of this shit: (grabs the nearest higherup by the shirt collar, blows up 5 computers with sheer will) WELL WHICH ONE IS IT YOU FUCKS

[companionwolf]

I wonder what it means the 'deep storage' sections of the game Subliminal (which are set in a weird ass multi level bunker of concrete and locked doors and etc) + a number of the hallways in Site Theta from SOMA trip a sense of 'there is somewhere in the inner world like this'. I can vaguely access someone else's memory of 'seeing' the two white collars Mu-Parker made friends with running down a similar hallway to the Theta ones, even.

[companionwolf]

A bit of a conversation the Monitor and I just had that I thought was interesting-- we got kind of philosophical about the concepts of consciousness and the self. He's given permission for me to share.

[Context: We were first talking about memory and amnesia, and how sometimes things just...never come back and you have to accept that.]

If you are your memories, then what does it mean to remember almost nothing of what you've done-- of who you've been?

"What do you think we [in terms of a consciousness and sense of self, not clinical definitions or explanations re: alters] are, Cobalt? Our memories?"

I guess a mix of that and experiences... the 'us' (the I?) that we have (that everyone has), I think it's a weird coming together of biology and memory and environment and experience. We aren't like ghosts.

We're our brain and body, even though we personally don't feel that, and being all that is what I think gives rise to consciousness and self.

You exist physically (body and brain), reacting to stimuli (experience), and form memory, in environments, and all that in turn affects your decision making and preferences, your understanding of the world and personal history, and forms...you, I guess.

In terms of alters, it gets more complicated I think, but we're still conscious. We're aware, at least to some degree if decently elaborated and emancipated. We are dissociated parts of consciousness and self but...we are still consciousness and self. We're still people. We're both. We think therefore we are, in the way that as far as we know currently only humans can.

What about you? What do you think?

"I think we are the brain translating itself. The brain works on a series of electrical impulses and neural patterns, and when the brain translates these, they exert a sense of 'I', creating a sense of self or at least consciousness. If you change that pattern, you likely change that consciousness and sense of self-- this is something I believe has been clinically recorded for DID, where the brain lights up in alternate (haha) patterns depending on who's out-- and each one remains consistent to a degree; your pattern would be different from mine ie recognizable, distinct, consistent.

Of course like you said we aren't just our brains or so, but I think even without memory or experience, etcetera, there can be a self. Our less developed fragments are a good example. They remember little, they have not done much by way of experience, and they may not have been in much variety of environments...but often there is still some degree of self awareness.

Other systems experience fragments differently, I'm aware, where those parts have no sense of awareness or self, or have such a specific function they lack both. They are an interesting kink in my thought process and I'm unsure how to account for them."

...When I'm not fronting, am I dead? Objectively not, I guess, right? The brain is still there, and we are each other, etcetera - insert what we know about about how DID and alters work here and whatever. At the same time, my 'pattern' and sense of I, if that's not there, what am I-- where am I? What happened or happens to the 'I' that I as a part am? How does that intersect with the experience of a sense of existence on the inside and 'doing' things there?

"Those are interesting questions. I do not think I have answers for them yet, especially as any would come from a place where things like the subconscious and dream are factored in or considered, as those are another important aspect to our experiences as a system-- and in particular, to me as a individual part. I will think about this.'

[companionwolf]

'I do not think Cobalt-14 has any brains in his head.' 'That's right, Cobalts don't think!' Help, help, I'm being oppressed! (This is a joke. I am not actually upset at the Monitor or M4 for saying this stuff.)

[companionwolf]

'They should let me fuck the Hail Mary.' Okay, so the 'Waffleville is gay for various spaceships' thing is not isolated. Also who the hell said that. Who are you.

[companionwolf]

'I think they should send Pvrker MacMillan to Tau Ceti.' Huh? 'Put him on the Hail Mary.' ...This has AU potential.

Alt idea: Pvrker canonically survives a black hole(black hole). What if it fucks up and spits him out into the Material Plane nearby and he just kinda...rolls up and knocks on the airlock. ('How is he alive out in space?' Don't ask questions.)

[companionwolf]

Whoa, over half our roster right now for our XCOMmanderless Points save is women. Much yuri is happening on the Avenger. Meanwhile, Garcia and Cooke have toxic yaoi happening I think. And Salib? He's just trying to not die. LOL