#-gri

[rewindremi]

Hm.

[faded-stardust-sys]

Have you seen bearded vultures ✨

No? Ima look it up though now-

[rewindremi]

being home without anyone has it's pro in that i have no pressure to speak. cons of being home without anyone is. being home without anyone.

[rewindremi]

i worry too much.. remi says i'm too jumpy

[rewindremi]

hm. too personal sorry.

[tswatch]

(Gri again) my parents are divorced and both have different reasons. My dad (who also has anxiety) is too stressed out about money to spend it on my therapy, and I understand. We don't have much to spare. But my mom won't pay anymore because she's convinced my illnesses are my fault and I'm not trying hard enough to get better. She also won't pay for my antidepressants, which I've been off since summer but feel like I still need. She says if I want help I have to find it and pay for it myself

Hi Gri!

I answered your question before (which you can find here), however I’ll also give some more advice in any way I can and suggest some options!

Could you perhaps get your parents together and either tell them how you’re feeling or write it out in a letter and get them both to read it? Then possibly your dad could try convincing your mum that your illnesses aren’t your fault- since you mentioned he has anxiety too- and your mum could pay for half of therapy and your dad the other half?

What about getting a part-time job to earn some extra money to help you pay for therapy / medications? Or maybe even something like babysitting, mowing people’s lawns, etc. Any little bit of extra money can help, and if your parents see that you are really serious about this and working hard to pay for it, they might be more willing to chip in.

I would like you to check out these links, which give you suggestions on what to do if you can’t afford health insurance / therapy / medication. Maybe they can help in some way!

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/12/04/what-to-do-when-you-cant-afford-therapy/

http://greatist.com/grow/resources-when-you-can-not-afford-therapy

Another option is to try telling your mum that you feel you would like therapy if she doesn’t want to pay for your antidepressants anymore, and explain how it helps you to develop coping strategies for school, and real life, not just for coping with mental illness. Since you also mentioned that she said if you want help that you need to find it, write up a list of people with contact numbers and addresses that you can see. In other words, make it really easy for her to book an appointment. Or you could yourself- try googling therapists in your area.

You could also try explaining to her that having a mental illness is as real as having a physical illness- saying that it’s your fault you’re mentally unwell is the same as saying that it’s your fault you have a broken leg. It takes time to heal a broken leg, and depends on how broken it is! You can’t simply will it to get better- so the same applies for a mental illness! Try explaining this to her in a non-aggressive manner also, as this is a common belief among many people from older generations, where mental illnesses haven’t been either as common or widely accepted.

Here are the other links that I believe could help you out:

Admin-composed help list: here

Psych-central list: here

Hope this helps you out and let me know how you go sweetie!

Take care,Jaime

[tswatch]

I keep thinking that I really want to kill myself when the truth is I want to feel alive and nothing makes me feel that anymore, not even my boyfriend. I don't know what to do -gri

Hi love,

I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now. It’s good that you recognize that you don’t want to die, you actually just want to feel alive. That’s an important distinction to make. Feeling numb and empty is actually a common side effect of depression. A lot of people think depression is only intense sadness, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes depression can manifest itself as irritability, or numbness and emptiness like you’re describing.

Can you try to break the numbness and emptiness by doing things you love and enjoy? Try to incorporate your favorite things into your everyday life. Try to hang out with your loved ones as much as possible. What things are you really passionate about? For example, something I love that always helps me feel alive is traveling. If you feel the same way, maybe you can try to plan a trip in the near future! If music ignites a fire in your heart, then maybe you can try to see your favorite band or singer in concert soon! 

Have you talked to anybody about how you’re feeling, love? Have you told your boyfriend about this? Have you tried seeking professional help to treat your depression? If not, that’s where I would start! If you attack the root of the problem, the side effects should get better as well!

<3 Jen