hate - long story short, i had a problem with several of my friends in a circle of back-stabbing and i got the rough end of it. all of them basically attacked me in waves and it was too much for me to handle so i somehow stopped myself from feeling anything at the moment i wrote my first ask. and even now thinking about it mutes my feeling for a bit, if that makes sense. usually self harm helps me from the numbness but that time it didn't worked and i became even more agitated. (cont)
(hate cont.) i can’t blame this on them because i was the one who started the back-stabbing circle and i was using that to feel something other than despair (i know i regretted that). however, i still can’t apologize to them. i feel like they won’t forgive me anyway and i decided to cut off my communication with them until i feel like i can do it. is this wrong? my bf said that it’s okay and he’ll help me to get there but i feel like shit to depend on him when i caused the problem. idk. -hate
Hi love, I’m so sorry for the late response! Wynter was going to answer this message, but they were unable to, so I’m going to take it over for him. How have you been since you sent in this message?
I’m so sorry that happened to you. It sounds like you were ganged up on by a bunch of your “friends”, which is a terrible thing to experience. It’s overwhelming, suffocating, and extremely upsetting. It makes sense that your mental defense mechanisms would kick in, causing you to feel numb. Our minds often react in peculiar ways to help protect us from traumatic situations.
Even though you say that you were the one who started the back-stabbing circle, your friends aren’t innocent. They could’ve been the bigger people, but instead they stooped down to the same level. No matter what you did, you didn’t deserve to be attacked by a bunch of people all at once. That was very immature of them: they should’ve sat you down (probably individually) and had a serious but calm discussion about everything. So again, your friends are partially to blame for how this all turned out, regardless of who started it.
It’s good that you recognize that you were in the wrong. It takes a lot of strength and character to admit something like that. You can’t change the past. You can’t change what happened, what you said, and what you did. The best thing you can do is acknowledge what you did wrong and learn from what happened. Try to use what you learned to change, and make sure it doesn’t happen again in the future!
It’s okay to take a little bit of a break from the situation for a while. Take some time to cool off, plan what you want to say, and then when you feel like you’re ready, apologize to them. Sometimes time really helps situations like these. After all, as the old saying goes, time heals all wounds, right? After some time passes and all of the initial anger and intense emotions fade, both sides may see things differently. Time has a very sobering effect and really helps change peoples perspectives. You say your friends won’t ever forgive you, but you may be surprised. I think you should try apologizing, because if you don’t, I think you’ll regret it later on. It’s better for you to apologize and have them reject your apology rather than not apologize and spend your whole life wondering what would have happened if you did!
